Have i ever had a chance?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by ippn1, Apr 27, 2013.

  1. ippn1

    ippn1 Guest

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    I want to share with you guys about what happened.

    After 1st month of NC, she came to the same party as me and my friends, because we have 1 mutual friend (my friend's gf). I said hi and ignored her for the night even tho she was in our circle whole time. Next day she texted me that she wish me good luck for upcoming operation I had (ankle) in next week.

    Another month went by and i went to another party. Same scenario plus we sat at the same table whole night. It was obvious she felt uncomfortable from her body language. She was trying to talk to me the whole time but i ignored her as much as i could. When we got drunk, she was following me whenever i went to the bar or toilet. Finally she came to me and apologized because she hurt my feelings. She told me she had feelings for me and felt really nice when we were dating but she felt guilt about moving on and she decided to try get back with her ex. She told me that was stupid, she was talking about how she have realized he wasnt good to her and was not the right bf, and that she finally see, that there were more bad then good moments in her relationship.

    So I gave us another chance. i told her I want to take things extremely slow because i dont want to get hurt again. We went on a date. It was a nice date - I almost forgot about all the hurt i experienced because of her. So at the end, i went for one goodnight kiss but it ended as makeout. She tongued kissed me for couple of times and then said that was not 'taking it slow' and smiled.

    Next 2 days i havent got any text from her. I didnt send it either. So i texted her 3rd day since we were on a date (we were hanging and playing games at my friends house) and invite her to come over. She said she is sick and will not come. When i suggest another date the next week, she said she will let me know about it on monday because she will know her schedule by then. Today is tuesday and i still havent heard from her. I also saw she liked ex's brother (mutual friend on FB) photo on FB (her ex and his brother was on it). I felt hurt again and i honestly think she is just f.ucki.ing with me...

    what now?
     
  2. Alternative_Thinker

    Alternative_Thinker Darth Mysterious

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    Now, you move on. Seriously, it's more of the same shit all over again. I mean, do you want someone from this website, or the entire cyberworld to tell you to be patient, continue to be nice to her, and someday she'll be yours forever? In your case, that(as in her becoming yours forever and you two living happily ever after) really, REALLY doesn't seem likely in my opinion, and I'm sure many others share the same view I do on this matter.

    So, MOVE ON. An ideal, healthy relationship is NOT something you have with this girl. The fact that you keep having the SAME problem over and over again over a period of several months proves that. If you don't move on, you'll NEVER get out of the rut that you're in right now.

    I mean, my advice to you two months ago was to "move on". Two months later, it's STILL "move on!" and this time with even more intense conviction than ever before.
     
  3. ippn1

    ippn1 Guest

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    She texted me the next day she is busy because of her new apprenticeship and she has to go to bed early and she will not be able to go for a drink for the rest of the week, but she suggested a date next week. I didnt replied because it felt like a flake. I think if she wanted to see me, she would.
    Next week i didnt get any massage from her, but when I was in a pub with her drunk best friend, she told me how she said i screwed up because i called her out no her ex and that i should never do that. She also said if i was better then her ex and gave her what she needed (I guess sex) she would forget about him and her ex was never a factor. They are both also convinced im in love with her and she said i shouldnt be so available and should play games before we would be exclusive... Then she said she has now 'someone who fucks her' in some town she has her apprenticeship in.
    So i left her alone for 14 days, never sent anything to her, but 2 days ago we saw each other in a pub. She came there with some guy and some other guys joined them after a while. I felt like shit again. When we were living they were standing beside entrance so i had to pass them by. She turned her head in different direction when she saw me coming near. I wanted to say hi, but i didnt because of that. Then after half an hour she texted me, how she doesnt understand my games and she thinks that it was a total bullsh.it.
    I replied she is no longer the one im interested in and she is the one whos playing games. I told her that just a pretty face is not enough for me to fall in love with a girl and that i ll no longer intend to be her ego booster.
    Then i blocked her on FB, deleted all the massages and her number.

    Feels bad man... :( :-\
     
  4. Mothman

    Mothman Senior Member

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    Nah you did the right thing, stick to it now. If you give her another chance to stick it up your ass she will take it. When a female demonstrates this kind of behavior they want you to believe that there some weird male to female miscommunication cuz men don't understand women and blah blah blah. You just pass on these types of women period. If you keep taking the bait you will learn that lesson the hard way. Look at it for what it is and move on. Go find a girl that doesn't have 10 dudes lined up in the back of her mind that she could also be exploring relationships or sex with.

    And a huge piece of advice, fuck them if they offer it to you. All of the emotional shit you associate with sex now as a young dude will pass as you get more experience and you will look back and wished you did fuck her down the road. turn off whatever hang ups you have about just banging a chick and then not having a relationship. There is never any promises that you will have a relationship the next day...not even if you've been together for 10 years. They can and do end sometimes but you will gain experience and understanding of both women and yourself the more you explore your own sexuality and have more sexual partners.
     
  5. Alternative_Thinker

    Alternative_Thinker Darth Mysterious

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    Ippn - I agree with Mothman on one thing, that you did the right thing by blocking her and deleting her number. HOWEVER, I definitely do NOT agree with him on the "huge piece of advice" he gave you. Girls like the one you had to deal with, you DO NOT want to associate with, let alone become sexually intimate with. I'm sure Mothman meant well, but I honestly don't think his advice is a very helpful one.

    When someone like her offers sex to you, I strongly recommend that you REFUSE. I mean, in such a scenario, she could drag you even further into some ugly mind games and totally fuck with your head because now you'd actually had sex with her. Which means you'd given her that much more power. Plus, how would you know she is STD-free? Seems like she sleeps with more than one guy. You never know.

    To understand both yourself and women, what you really need is a GOOD LEVEL OF COMMUNICATION. Both with yourself, and with women. You do NOT necessarily have to have many sexual partners to get in touch with your inner self, nor is it necessarily essential when trying to understand women. Rather, what is essential is to communicate and bond with them. Sex is just sex without developing this kind of sincere bond with your partner. But when such a link is established between you two, it becomes more than sex. It becomes a journey.

    Not only is it okay to associate sex with emotional closeness aspect, it is a very noble and ideal attitude to have in my opinion. This is a good quality in you that you should hold on to. You will meet the right girl someday, and when you do, you won't have to feel so lost, or hurt. Because she won't allow you to feel that way. She will wish nothing but your happiness, and you will be surprised by just how easy everything will seem with her. She is out there, so do NOT lose hope.

    BUT, the girl you've been talking about? She definitely ain't it.
     
  6. ippn1

    ippn1 Guest

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    Tnx for replies. I think I should be glad we havent had sex, because it would happen in a time everything was great when we were together and i already saw her as my girl. If we had sex back then im sure id be destroyed right now because that would be the first time i would have sex with someone i have strong emotions for. I think its a good thing i wasnt more aggresive. I dont know why there are moments i felt it might change the whole thing if we make love to each other. Probably because she mentioned when she apologized that if we have had sex she would fall in love with me and that she only have sex if there are emotions involved (then why her best friend told me she has someone who f.uck.s her now?)...
    Also tell me, is this true that you have to play games with females before she asked you to be exclusive? Her best friend told me so and that she can tell im inexperienced for thinking otherwise. She also said i made huge mistake (turned her off) because i told her too much too soon. After 5 weeks of dating and seeing each other 2 times a week plus hanging out with me and friends, i called her out on her ex and told her that i cant be 'in line' if he is the reason she cant have relationship with me. Then i told her i really liked her and she is also great girl and it would be a shame if she chooses past over future. Are those games really important when it is obvious that you are attracted to one another??
     
  7. machinist

    machinist Banned Lifetime Supporter

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    its date rape time
     
  8. monkjr

    monkjr Senior Member

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    For some girls, the answer to are games necessary, is yes. Sadly though most girls/women who play games are already on a bad emotional path and experience getting abused and often have failed relationships with good decent people. It's a bad cycle for everybody involved. I agree that you did the right thing and got out of there, because I would've done the same thing.

    She was way to sensitive when you came out and were honest with her about your own feelings and desires if you guys were to go further into a relationship.

    It should be noted that 5 weeks, dating period (a period of time where nobody is exclusive yet), can be considered a short amount of time and is the period of time where you evaluate each other to see if you and the other person are on the same page in what you expect from a relationship. This is where there was a breakdown, and it's for the best.


    Remember, it's her life, her choices, her consequences. She's not your responsibility, and your conscience should feel completely clean.

    If you guys had any kind of sexual touching, I'd recommend getting a full workup, and if all checks out healthy, get back in the dating game and find someone new.

    ----
    I also take issue with Mothman's advice, because it doesn't work for all guys and has the potential to increase drama stress rather than decrease it. It also has the potential for you to actually become a "player" and actually get caught up in that lifestyle and miss a really great girl.

    I get his point; which is chill, don't put a girl on a pedestal, to a point detach emotions from sex to reduce heartbreak or you'll lose your mind bro. Getting sex will make you more confident, and less nervous around women, and also tells them that you aren't treating them like sacred little pure things that need protection because coming off that way is patronizing and a major turnoff to many ladies.

    ^(Mothman correct me if that's not your main point in a nutshell)
     
  9. Mothman

    Mothman Senior Member

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    Basically yes and also to enjoy yourself while you are learning about females. The whole moral high road of avoiding sex because so and so is not "the one" or because it is just sex for the sake of sex does not make sense to me. Spiritual evolution is good but we are also physical beings and there should be a balance. The inner monkey needs to be let out once in awhile too. Yes some guys can't handle it and if they keep making sex this magical and pure institution then they will probably never be able to cope when they do get laid and the chick moves on to someone else anyway. For all he knows this chick may have been freaked out a bit that she wanted to bang and he was not down and this resulted in her feeling confused about dating him or moving on to someone who will give her what she wants. This timidity is not respected by any females that I know of. I see your points though and respect what you all have said but I still stand by what I've said.
     

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