Guys between 14 and 16

ive never heard anything like that, maybe you should get him checked out, thats some fucked up shit to do, did he return the presents?

 

Bah... Mark Twain's was better.

 

Your not gonna wanna hear it but hit the kid. Seriouslly. Smack him upside the head a couple times and he'll hate you "forever" (is about a week) and then straighten up. Its healthy so long as your not beating him

 

well if youve ever done bad shit to him then i can understand this, i used to steal from my parents all the time and prolly will in the future. but if youve been nice to him over the years...and hes still not admitting anything, then maybe you should have a long talk with him about what happens to liars when they lie to the police...they get 637$ obstruction tickets.

 

I do not think that it is ever healthy to hit your child. Parents should be nurturers and guardians, not violent forces.

 

I don't think hittings the answers maybe theres a lack of respects maybe somethings getting on top of him at school some kind of stress and if its that than hitting would be a negitive impact, I was just thinking www.drphil.com might be a place to look as it has heaps of factsheets there might be something there to help you

 

Yes, stealing is bad karma. Your 15 year old stole Christmas presents? That honestly sounds more like a & year old.

 

if he keeps it up take him on a lil field trip to juvy. tell him if he doesnt stop stealing from you he might end up there!
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kids need to be hit. They wont develop right if their not smacked around a little.

Anyway, try taking all his crap when hes at school one day. When he gets home just go "Oh all your stuff was stolen"
Hes 15, he'll get the message

 

fuck you you little bitch

 

I like hitting little children... with cotton balls and pillows and bunny rabbits.

 

All you guys that inputted - Thanks, I surely need a place to talk about these difficult issues. As you can imagine, it's hard to talk to my husband. It's a touchy issue, being a stepmom, but I'm not the disiplinarian. No, he did not give them back and never admits to anything. Not a good liar either, so he just gets caught. Him and his dad had a BIG fight on Friday, his boy just cussing him (god, do you guys do that? Like F**K YOU!?!?!). And anyway, he is going to live with his real mom. Gone already. Cried about that,(and after cussing his Dad). So the issue has resolved itself, at least the stealing from US part.

 

You know that will never solve the problem. He needs some therapy.

Perhaps with the family present.

 

Hey Nathan!!! We tried the therapy, separately and with the family. We were told that it was all normal teenage angst. I believe that our son told him whatever he wanted to hear. Unless you approach therapy with the knowledge and desire to work on your shortcomings its just ineffectual. But, in essence, I agree with you. He is definately a troubled boy. I think that this move may be good. He has never lived with his real mom and maybe Mothering is what he needs. At the least she will be able to enforce a code of behaviour that I was completely unable to do (as a wicked stepmother). Thanks for helping understand that not all young people are like him and giving me hope.

 

Hey, I just wanted to make a few comments right quick. Sorry you've been reduced (I mean both of you not You you... thats an awkward sentence) to sending him to his mothers. I know what that situation is like. I've been sent back and forth every year since I was 14. Its not fun, it really isn't. I'm just saying its possible he'll be back. I've done some pretty low things but never went as far as stealing Christmas presents. As for the swearing, its typical. I've had swearing matches with my step dad in the street before. If your husband swears often its probablly where that stems from. I'm sorry to say though, theres not much you personally could have done. Unless there are extenuating circumstances, we step children don't really listen to anything our step parents say to us. We take it with a grain of salt. And being non disiplinary BECAUSE hes not your biological son is a mistake I must say. His real parents disipline him right, so in order to be an authority figure to him you need to throw the disipline in there. The image of the step parent running to the real parent about everything doesn't brood well with most of us either. Now for my hitting thing... I do NOT mean a closed knuckle slug. Sucker punching a kid is just wrong. But I guess a more apropriate term would be "spanking." I think its a stupid word personally and should be called what it really is. Ass whoopin . But ok, heres my deal. I was "spanked" as a kid and it taught me what I should and shouldn't do. I think if my step dad hadn't done those close fist slugs I was talking about, I wouldn't have been so fucked up and done most the shit I did. But when your a kid, you think concretely. This later develops into rational thought. Time outs are just pointless... They really dont do anything at the young age except make the kiddo think "God this wall smells funny" and if you send them to their room when their older they just get pissed. After a point, ass whooping loses its value and effect and should stop being used unless you want the cops to come round when they swing back. Your prolly right about the councler thing but know this. When I was taken to councilling I had nothing to say. There was nothing to talk about. Help us understand each other? We already did. So ponder that for a while. Perhaps he just didnt have anything to say. I wouldnt find it too amusing that he cried about having to move if the mom lives at a distance. Its tears of losing your friends and the life you know, not tears about losing you guys. I was thrown out again about 2-3 months ago and I just broke down and cried cause I was just starting to get my shit together and work out some of my bigger issues. But yeah, if you disagree with me I'd be willing to talk about it with you in more detail but I give you my best wishes and hope that you haven't created a broken home of sorts.

 

I didn't find it amusing, I thought it was kinda hypocritical. I would never laugh at tears. But I agree with you that the tears weren't for us. He seems happy at Mom's and the transition has been smooth. We don't intend for this to be a back and forth thing. He is there for good we hope.
As far as the step-mom / disiplinarian issue; I was held back by his Dad / my husband - not because of any reaction from the son. My husband seemed to react as if I was attacking or being critical, so it was easier on the marriage to just step back. I'm not saying it was right, just the way it was.
For sure, our younger son is happier now as he was the brunt of his older brother's anger much of the time. There is alot less tension in the house also.
I really appreciate your input as I have been unable to have any conversation with him about these issues.
Thanks

 

Amusing wasn't the wrong word. Ironic or hypocritical would have been better. My parents were the same way and never intended for it to be a back and forth thing but alas, it just kinda can happen. Anyway, keep us updated on the situation ok

 

S'OK! And I'm sorry about your situation. I hope for you the best!!!

 

Sounds kinda like my bro. He's a total asshole and steals/destroys everyone's shit, spits on us, picks fights, etc. etc. etc. He doesn't regret anything either. I wish I could get rid of him that easy. he won't live with his ma because she's insane. lol

 

Hey, something in common, my Dad is nutty as a fruitcake.