Grieving and Depression

My brother killed himself last year, I still am not able to smile or laugh about things. I'm deeply depressed, losing my brother has killed all of my joy. I do not feel the same anymore. This Christmas hit me pretty hard and so many people were happy and I wasn't. Didn't find the ability to laugh or smile, I felt like all these things were going on around me and I just couldn't enjoy the moment. I'm still depressed and grieving. So many people tell me to get over his death, but I feel stuck. I think this is all about grieving and there are certain stages of it. A guy tried flirting with me and I wasn't into it at all. I wasn't interested, I ended up apologizing because I knew he was interested but I just didn't feel anything and didn't wanna lead him on. This is something I know I'll probably have to deal with my my own. I've been writing a lot in my journal, to my brother and sharing my thoughts with him and wishing I could have saved him, but I know I can't save everything. My brother had PTSD, I had it too. We both we're abused as kids by my father and this lead up to his depression and wanting to end things because he couldn't handle PTSD anymore. Every day I write to him and sometimes at random times I will cry alone. My heart goes out to anyone who has lost someone this way.

 

Peaceful Lotus Flower,
You will never "get over it", but you will be able to adapt and move on. Yes; grief is a process, and we all move through the process in our own time, not other's timetables; it's your grief, not theirs. If you feel like your getting "stuck" or the depression is becoming debilitating (or scary) , please please please seek out professional help. It doesn't always have to be like this; you can learn to smile again.
May peace be with you.

 

I can read your words ---and I know what they mean. But there is no way I can begin to feel what you feel. I am so-so sorry for your loss. Please don't let your grief overwhelm you----it is said that time and circumstance will heal most wounds and I believe that that may be true to an extent. Perhaps there are others who have had similar experiences and can help you through the worst of your loss. I don't know------I mean well here, and please know that I'm thinking about you. Joel