Grief

Lost someone very important in my life recently. I also have had much loss and pain in my life the past 8 years or so.

I get angry...then sad...then angry...then pile the guilt on my own self....then get angry. At some point I seem to be able to let go, and move forward but after years of this, I am having trouble letting this one go.

My heart actually hurts.

How do you handle grief?

 

Try to remember the good things, the good memories you shared.

I think its very "normal" (and expected) to feel angry, sad and guilt.

It just takes time. You've probably heard that many times...but that is honestly the truth...Time is the only thing that helps with grief. At least, that's what I've found.

 

I've been sleeping a lot. Went to bed at 8 last night and got up at 8 this morning. I'm not totally out...just laying there in a half sleep/half wake type of deal. And I have no appetite.

 

Well I'm very sorry for your loss. When I was in your situation I found the more I spoke to people the better I felt. I did sign up to talk to a therapist, but it wasn't just that. I had lost my grandmother, who I was closer with than anyone in my family. I found that telling my friends about all the awesome stories I had about her really helped. It felt better knowing I was sharing a part of her with them. The pain never completely goes away (I'm tearing up right now thinking about her) but it does get better.

 

I agree about talking, I am a very verbal person anyway. That's why I started this thread. My friends seem to be very busy right now, and although I know they care about me, I don't want to bother them with my sorrow.

 

Mom died from Alzheimer's December 2008. It took me a long time to get past how unfair that disease strips away a person. As one of her caregivers I watched as a bit of her disappeared almost daily. When she died I felt relief that she was free from that disease. I still tear up when I think about her death but now, when I think of her, I think about her in better times. Just this morning, at breakfast with Dad, I was remembering Mom's peanut butter cookies. It is better for me to remember the richness Mom brought to my life rather than focusing on her death. Still I have to say it took a long time to get to this better space.

HUGS

 

You can talk to us if you want.

 

Thank you. I think this thread may help.

I am experiencing care giver burnout for sure. 6 months of caring for someone, 7 visits to ER, 10 nights sleeping on a chair in a hospital, putting my life on hold.

And now...nothingness.

 

I hear you. Started caregiving for Mom around 2005. Still here for Dad (92) in 2015. It is very draining and stressful. Remember to take care of yourself.

 

It is draining....very much so. I noticed a lot of changes in me, both physically and emotionally. You do the same...and bless you for caring for your parents.

 

I hope you're okay. I know that losing someone is difficult.

 

My personal experience with grief is still pretty new to me. But, according to psycho-babble there are five stages of the grief cycle:

1. Denial and Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

What they don't tell you is that you may revisit this cycle and start over at number 1 at any time until you get to acceptance.

At about six weeks out.. I'm working on number 5. Wish I could give you a hug. A friend gave me some very good advice when I was first in the throes of this: Treat yourself as if you have the flu. If you need to lay down.. lay down, etc. Don't make any important decisions. Give yourself time in all things.

 

I keep bouncing back and forth from anger and depression. I do know I will recover at some point.

All hugs are welcomed and returned. :daisy:

 

Sorry to hear that this is happening. Grief counseling and a support group might help. My guess is that connecting with people who are going through the same experience could help a lot. Connecting to other people who cared about the person you lost could be especially helpful, though that sometimes involves building bridges and mending fences, not always easy.

Hope that things can get better soon!


Oh, also getting a massage, being good to yourself could help. There may be some good books out there on the grieving process. :grouphug:

 

I am sorry you are going through this....
The only thing to do is just go through it...

 

The mind is like a cassette player. You have to take out the grief cassette and put in a happy one. Some think it's hard to do, then it usually is.
30 years ago, I lost my best friend in the whole world...a dog I'd had for ten years. We traveled coast to coast and border to border all those years. I got her because she got hit by a car, I picked her up and took her to the vet. She couldn't sit up by herself for a month, but she made it. She had been sick with distemper, lost most all her teeth, and whoever had her must have thrown her out, then got hit by the car.
She ate a girlfriends underwear whole once, then puked them back up two days later. She swallowed a fish once that had a hook line and sinker attached. Everything went all the way through her, except the hook got snagged on her butt hole, and I had to get it loose. One time I was hitch hiking through Texas with her, and broke. A guy offered me a hundred dollars for her. I took it, but a week later I went back and bought her back after working to get the money.
After ten years she bloated up like a balloon. I took her to the vet and he said she had swallowed something that blocked up her intestines. he said he could do surgery to get it out for a thousand bucks, but it would probably happen again because she didn't have any teeth. He recommended putting her down, and I let him. I didn't get out of bed for a month. I couldn't talk to anyone without cracking up. I wrote a song about her a few years later...I still can't sing it without getting misty. My eyes are blurry as I write this. I've had four other dogs since then, still have one. The others have passed and I still get misty over them too. I have a wife that is as good a friend as them....I hope I go first.

 

You should bother them. I have a friend who is grieving and I've told her I am here day or night if she needs to talk, cry, scream. She hasn't taken me up on it. I wish she would. I bet your friends feel the same way.

 

We tend to bounce between stages of grief because if we grieved it all, at once, it would kill us.

Be good to yourself. Take it easy on yourself. Don't push yourself.

Remember things that make you happy and expose yourself to them. Baby animals...gardens...bike riding...whatever. Just remember what makes you happy.

 

Time....

 

I can be a good listener, but I'm no expert on this subject. When I went through something very similar, I didn't handle it very well.