Grief....loss of love of my life. I need help.

The love of my life, my whole world is gone. She died January 2 2012 after a 4 month fight with brain cancer. I thought I was going to make it ok but I just don't know anymore. Instead of getting better or easier I'm getting sadder, worse, less accepting. Depressed. Pretty hopeless sometimes and this just isn't me. I'm lost. I'm so desperately alone without her. I sink a little further with each strange episode of 2-3 days and nights not moving off the couch, listening to songs, thinking things that just don't make sense.

If anyone out there has the right words I need to hear them. The sooner the better.. I'll be eternally grateful.

Thank you

S

 

I'm so sorry for you're loss. Nothing anyone says will make it any better. But one thing I've heard that makes sense is this....the hurt never goes away. In the beginning stages, we feel the hurt often. As time goes on, we have to keep living and we still feel the pain but the time in between when we feel the pain get longer and longer until we don't feel it most of the time. It's perfectly ok that you feel this pain right now. You're a human being. But it will also be perfectly ok for you to eventually get back to living life and let yourself be happy. I would guess that your girl wants you to be happy. Allowing yourself to move on in life in no way disrespects her memory or means that losing her wasn't painful. You know it was painful. But if there really is a heaven, I bet she's rooting for you and hoping you make the most of your future. The grieving process is different for everyone and you should take as much time as you need....but never feel obligated to be sad. Grieve for a while.....but honor her with a happy life. I wish you the best.

 

give time time.you will always feel your loss,but in time learn to live with it.as someone who has had the same kind of loss in the past i am aware that even though people mean well with words of comfort no words really help.hugs help more:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Have you been to any grief counseling or bereavement support groups? I hear that they are helpful in sharing and learning to cope.

Reach out.

 

Thank you for your replies. I'm posting from my phone...I intended to give your thoughts the thumbs up but with this little keyboard I can't be sure.

There's really nothing I can do. If I could just move forward I think I could be ok.

Wizard, thank you for suggesting shes rooting for me. I know she is.

Thank you too Roamy. I really didn't think anyone was listening.

Peace...God bless.

 

Airienne I've isolated for two years. No counseling. I stopped working a year and a half ago. I spend alot if time talking to myself...or her. I've really failed to be the kick ass girl I thought I was.

 

S -

Maybe you should really check out a support group. You need to live again.

 

I know you're right. I'll do my best to get to one. The funeral home gave me some information. It's here somewhere.

Thank you. I mean it.

 

Feel better.

I mean it.

((Hugs))

 

You're welcome. I really think just having some human interaction will help.

 

I have a friend going through the same thing and the only thing getting him through it is the support of friends and family. He's really thrown himself into his friendships and reconnected with his family.

I am more like you, when I grieve I withdraw so I understand how hard it will be for you to come out of your shell but it is probably exactly what you need right now.

If you don't join a support group or see a grief counselor I really recommend reaching out to someone - an old friend, a parent or sibling? Let other people you trust be your crutch.

I am sorry for your loss.

 

It sure can't hurt, Wizard. Thanks to all who replied. I was noticing that as I browsed this forum I actually wasn't dwelling on what brought me here....for 5 min or so. But it was 5 minutes that I wasn't thinking of ways to be with her again or the years that I was with her.

 

I've done nothing but wait for her to come home. I haven't gone out. I've given up on my art and everything I loved and to be quite honest I couldn't care less. Crazy.

I don't know how to let go and I dont know what to do with this anger.


Thank you. I can tell I've made a first step tonite. I'm going to call a support group tomorrow.

 

5 minutes become 10 minutes. 10 minutes becomes a half an hour. A half an hour becomes two hours. It's ok. Let that happen. You aren't any less of a dedicated partner for letting that happen. I think you're an even better person because of it. You will grow. I sometimes feel like nobody can understand how much I miss my parents. But they really kind of do because they've experienced their own losses. We get through it because we have to and you will. Just let yourself do it and remind yourself that it's ok to to move on. It is ok and you deserve to be happy.

 

Looks like you like Van gogh?

Do you paint yourself ? (Means are you an artist

 

All I can tell you is.... I lost what I then considered the love of my life when I was 20 years old. He ended his life via suicide. We were best friends for 10 years and together on and off for 5 of that. He was the person I imagined myself growing old with and nothing was ever quite the same with anyone else after he-my soul mate- was gone.

What I can tell you is. I was in shock at first when I found out. I thought I was getting over it and then a couple months later I ended up on the floor wishing I was dead. I remember NOT being over it and feeling like people were tired of hearing me talking about it. I remember that it stayed fresh for way too long and life seemed unbearable. And it seemed...a huge road in front of me.

And then, sadily life took over. I did other things. Met other people. Life marched on. But it wasn't the same.

Then years later life was much more bearable. I was in love again. Living with someone. Happy. But occasionally I'd break down in front of my new person thinking about the one who passed on... and it would ALL COME BACK.

Guess what? That was 14 years ago. And that day that I break down and it's all fresh still comes. It just comes once every year or two instead of every week or month. And the sadness is still there many of times but it's not bright and fragrant.

For better or for worse, life marches on. It's never the same. It fades but doesn't die. Nothing is ever quite okay again in that way, but you learn to deal with it, to manage it and to find another way.

 

Not lately. I used to. I am an artist but mostly through photography.

 

Hey there. I feel your pain. Even though the love of my life didn't die, we we were seperated by our parents 5 years ago (she moved to another continent, I was 16). Being appart was the hardest thing that has ever happened to me, and today i still cry over that loss every second day.

So listen. To be honest, for some people time might help forget, but for me (and for you apparently) it doesn't work that way. I've spent the past 5 years being angry, wishing my gf and I had never met because the pain was just unbearable. However, the only thing that makes things better for me now is realising how lucky i am. Many people go through their lives never knowing what true love feels like, not knowing how meaningful life becomes when you find that person. I have. You have. And even though these people have been taken away from us too early, we were lucky enough to meet them.
Remember that even though it often feels that way, we don't have only one "soul-mate" (kind of a dorky word but whatever). So go out into the world with those feelings you had in mind to remember how beautiful life can be. The people you will meet and new realtionships you will have will bring you way more comfort than your couch does

That's pretty all the advice i can give. Hold on there (sorry for my English, i'm french)

 

I am so sorry. Just wanted to give you big huge virtual (((((hugs))))).