Got Any Fun Sexual Jokes?

I'm straight and I call my dude partner

But I hate the term too, like we're just two suits carrying our briefcases through life together

I just don't know what else to call him. I guess I COULD call him my fiance because we do plan to get married one day but that invites a certain intrusiveness - when is the big day, where is your venue, blah blah

Mind ya bidness

Anyways we share a life together so boyfriend just sounds stupid. So partner it is for now I guess. Sometimes I just call him my bae

 

I can see that. Boyfriend/girlfriend sounds a little too...uncertain. There should be a term between boyfriend/girlfriend and husband/wife. But partner doesn't do it justice.

 

I hate it when straight people use the word partner, usually women, its confusing...if you then ask them if they are referring to a male or female, ie gay, then most of the time they get offended

 

Share a life together is another one. You share a life with everyone you meet

 

Nah I try to ignore most people I come across

 

Why shouldn't you have phone sex with a prostitute?

...Because you might get hearing aids!


GET IT?

 

So a blind man walks by a fish market

He takes a deep breath, exhales, and says "hellloooo, ladies!"

 

Blanker!

 

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

 

My girlfriend is a porn star.. I hope she doesn't find out.

 

A cat and chicken ran away from a farm.They walked for a couple of days and they were both starving as they had no food with them, all of a sudden a river appeared in front of them and beyond that all the food that you could wish for. The chicken shouted out food, took an almighty jump flapping his wings like mad and just managed to clear the river. Then the cat shouted i cant get across that river. The chicken shouted back yes you can, give it your best shot, so the cat took an long run up, jumped and landed straight in the middle of the river

The moral of the story

Whenever theirs a contented cock theirs always a wet pussy

 

It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?" "Well," she replied, "now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!"

 

The bell rang for school to start and John walked in late. Mr. Clark asked, "John, why are you late?" He replied, "I was on Cherry Hill." Then he sat down. Ten minutes later Nathan walked in late and Mr. Clark repeated, "Why are you late?" Nathan answered, "I was on top of Cherry Hill." Five minutes later Kevin walked in late and Mr. Clark said to him, "Kevin, where have you been?" Kevin replied, "I was on Cherry Hill." Ten minutes later a girl walked in the classroom and Mr. Clark asked, "Hi there, what's your name?" The girl replied, "Cherry Hill."

 

yes and it’s only a short one

Lasts about 3 minutes usually

 

What's the difference between your bonus and your penis?

Your wife will blow your bonus.

 

Why do strippers need insurance? Because they have little to no coverage.

 

Teacher asks her class "if there are 3 birds sitting on a on a wire and one gets shot by a hunter, how many are left?"

Without raising his hand, Little Johnny says, "None!"

Teacher replies, "The correct answer is two."

Little Jonny replies, " When one gets shot, the others will fly away."

Teacher says, "Not the answer I was looking for, but I like the way you think."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you, Teacher. Three women are sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking the ice cream, one is rubbing her lips over the ice cream and one is sucking the ice cream. Which one is married?"

Teacher, somewhat flustered, replies, "Uh, the one sucking the ice cream?"

Little Johnny replies, "No. The one wearing the wedding ring. But I like the way you think."

 

You can't go wrong with little Johnny.