Girlfriend "cheated", i just need someone to tell me what to do...

get a new one.

 

i was one that offered a different perspective, but that was until someone pointed out that she herself considered what she had done as bad. so... i've kinda changed my perspective.
it's one thing to not be exclusive because you don't want to yet, so you're doing nothing wrong. it's another thing if she knows it was bad. that probably means that you were sort of exclusive already without talking about it... it was probably already a bit more serious.
so if she considers that she has cheated, then she has cheated. and being drunk is not an excuse.
and yea, ppl fuck up. but cheating is a big fuck up. and while there is an element of risk in every relationship, yours has an increased element of risk, since your gf fucks other people when she's drunk. and sure, she probably wouldn't when she is sober. but is she going to get drunk again??
i'm in a long distance relationship for another year until i can return home. before i was with my bf, on a few occasions when i got drunk, i made out with guys. (that happened 3 times i think, and i've never had sex with any of them) But because i know that, i kinda make it my business to not get really drunk when i'm not with my bf. i don't want to mess up because of alcohol, and kissing is still cheating.
is your gf willing to do that? avoid the risk, right? it's easy... if not, she will get drunk again, and she might do it again (because she will not be thinking) and then regret it and so on...

 

It's painful and heartbreaking but men can never truly fathom what's in a woman's heart. It's why we always think " what does she see in that guy...?" The truth is you may never know what she was feeling that night or how she felt about you then or if she has done this in the past. I believe that women should NEVER discuss their sexual past with the man that they are currently with as every detail revealed will only bring up questions, doubts, insecurities, anxieties, etc. The bottom line is the only thing you can base a relationship on is trust. If you can't trust someone then all the compatibility and chemistry means nothing. If you have even the SLIGHTEST doubt that she could do this again then I am sorry but you have two choices; break up with her now or slowly be destroyed. This may be a horrible choice but no matter how good the sex is, how beautiful she may be or how much you have in common. It's your sanity.

 

screw her best friend.

 

^ This.

 

A relationship is nothing without trust. Being drunk is never an excuse for anything. It was the night before you two were going to be together. That is wrong in so many ways. You say you don't think she would ever intentaully do it again. So does that mean you just need to worry about the next time she is drunk and you are not there? Your life to do what you want with, but that is a mistake I would chose not to live with! If I could never trust someone then I could never see a future with them and I would never trust someone that used being drunk as an excuse.

 

if this girl is really "the one", then it might be worthwhile to try to fix things and make it work

if you think that you might be able to find someone else that you like just as well easily enough, then probably best to dump her

 

you wrote it by your hand mate . she is used to treat bad and only for sex . you wrote you are nice to her , and you haven't cheat on her .
this is simple , you must find someone appreciate you .

 

Here's a though. Sometimes, if I try to think about the details of my girlfriend's sexual past, even if it was before we even knew each other, and a long time ago, I can also feel ''rage/embarassment/nausea/hatred(for him)/disgust/sadness that is really hard to bear'' like you say. It's not fun to think about that shit, because sex can be so intimate, that it's hard to think that someone we are sharing this with has shared it with someone else. When we do it however, it doesn't feel like such a big deal. So first of all - you say you want to stay with her? Then do your best to stop obsessing over this. Forget the details, because if you don't they will dive you crazy.

If she actually cheated on you, then I would probably say drop her, but you are saying nothing was confirmed regarding being exclusive here. On top of that, you guys had been seeing each other for three weeks, and you live far away apart... does that mean you had only spent time with her for a few days on weekends? If it's the case, I wouldnt take it too seriously.

And another positive note is that if I'm understanding correctly, SHE came and told YOU about this. To me, that means, she is realizing she likes you, and she was feeling bad about it and decided to tell you because she wants to continue seeing you and wants to start with a clean slate. That my friend, is a sign of loyalty.

If you want to keep seeing her, tame your caveman instincts, tell her this hurt you, and then move on. :2thumbsup:

 

Shivaya, thank you for that response. You basically hit the nail on the head with everything, and on a couple of things other didn't piece together or I didnt explain enough.

I too get this way when thinking about my gf being with other guys in the past, and yeah its about the intimacy of sex.

Yeah it had been 3 weeks, which was 3 weekends. And yeah we'd slept together twice. Its why I put "cheated" in inverted comments cus for different people, that would suggest different levels of commitment.

Someone else said that you can't know what women are thinking which is right. I dont know back then how much she liked me. I honestly think she regrets sleeping with the guy but if she didnt know how much she was into me, was still thinking of keeping her options open then who knows?

And yes, she did come and tell me, about 2 weeks after. She acknowledged it was bad, she confessed it all, she felt awful about it. Now I probably would have prefered to never know, but she did which shows shes commited to me. Is she never gonna get drunk when shes not with me again? Probably not, but shes toned it down, possibly as a precaution.

Like I said, this wasn't a thread asking if I should break up with her even though most of the responses said I should. It was more of a "how do i cope with, or get the images out of my head", like Shivaya touched on

 

Thanks man, I'm glad I could help.

People think in different ways. Personally, I kinda get what she did. She barely knew you, it was there, it was fun, so whatever. Maybe she didnt know how much YOU were in to HER. It was all still very fresh. Now she's realizing this could go somewhere so she figured it's best that you learn this now rather than a year from now. I respect her for that.

A friend of mine did the EXACT same thing with his current girlfriend. He was living away from here met a girl, came back for a weekend, slept with an old fling, and had to tell his girlfriend a few months down the road because he felt it was in the best interest of his relationship. They are now happily living together and this has been 2-3 years.

You clearly don't want to break up with her, so all the power to you. Move forward with it, get it off your chest, then move on. When you start thinking about it, start thinking about something else... maybe even being grateful that this girl has enough loyalty towards you to risk her relationship with you just to let you know this happened because IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

Worse comes to worse it doesnt work out and you feel shitty for a little while in a little while. You are clearly attached to her so if you choose to dump her now, you'll feel shitty for a little while anyways. My vote - stay and see where it goes.

 

real men fuck their close friends.

 

I hate women like you, so she cheats and it's his fault for not understanding her.

 

interesting hesitations... so, it was an accident but it wasn't an accident?
Of course there's always an element of risk in every relationship, but i don't believe u can both trust and not trust a person.
In fact it doesn't really matter how bad the cheating was or how sorry and apologetic the person is, if u feel that the mutual trust is jeopardized, then u will feel like sh*t 24/7. (nausea/hatred and all that)
It's up to u to figure out if u can wait til that betrayal feeling goes away, it's up to your gf to gain your trust back, but it's going to be hard work.

 

Not necassary u jackass he just failed to understand her. She never said it was his fault the cheating.

 

cool.

 

The "element of risk" is present in every relationship... but it's not the same as trust - don't confuse the two.

 

move on once a cheater is always a cheater and thats what friends arn't for as hard as it is to except she'll probablydo it again move on asap!!!!!!!!!!!!!