Gingerly tip toeing into the homeschooling world

Warning: This is one heck of a long post!

Hi there all. I know most of you know me already, and many of you have seen my numerous posts concerning my ups and downs regarding my oldest son's education, who is "supposed" to attend public school in less than 2 weeks.

For years, I have considered myself a homeschooling parent. At first, I just figured I was, well, being a parent who had a love of self educating, but I never considered what I was doing as homeschooling, until the past year.

I had decided not to send my oldest son to preschool last year. I didn't feel it was necessary, and I felt that I was doing just as good of a job, if not better, teaching my son myself. Friends, family, and outsiders have always commented on how intelligent my son is, how he seems so ahead for someone of his age. My mother-in-law, who works in the public school system as a sign laungage interpretor and actually favors homeschooling informed me that when she has had my son around other teachers, that they have commented on how smart he is, and how they can tell that someone has really been working with him.

Well that was definitely a compliment for me, to hear of certified teachers giving me kudos on the job I have done self educating my child. Still, I felt hesitant in taking on the upcoming years. I enrolled my son in a public school for kindergarten, which, as I said, is due to start in less than 2 weeks.

I have honestly not felt comfortable with it. I don't know what it is, but something just doesn't feel right. Yes of course I am also suffering major emotions over my son leaving my care and being in the hands of someone else for the day, yet I just don't like the thought of someone else (meaning teachers and students) teaching them what THEY think, instilling THEIR opinions on my children, undoing the work that my husband and I have done.

I also found out, which I had not known, that his school will be conducting full-day, everyday kindergarten. For a child who has rarely been away from home, I feel that this will prove extremely traumatic for him. We had counted on the days being half-days, but recently, they have progressed to full. I don't like that one bit.

For children who have been in day care from the time they were infants, well, the adjustment for them would be minimal, if even an adjustment at all. But for a child who has been home for 5 years? My son has already been acting out horrendously with school approaching. He says he thinks about it constantly, and well, he's stressed as heck, sickened even. We've been trying to pump up school for him, tell him all of the "positives" but he's still been a wreck. He's been snapping at family members, sulking a lot, breaking down into tears over nearly everything and just plain acting out. I'm concerned that putting him in a full-day kindergarten is going to set him off, ending with him being pigeon-holed into the label of a problem child (basically because the classes are so full and teachers simply do not have the time to devote to the children and help them adjust, hence, throwing their hands up and chalking the behavior to problematic, instead of getting down to the roots of the behavior) So what will that do to him? Make learning seem like a negative experience, make him hate school, and act out even more?

So here I am. I think that I'm very close in coming to a decision of homeschooling, but I'm also terribly afraid! I am very interested in the "unschooling" approach, yet I worry that my son (and other two children) will not be up to the "standards" when it comes to other "schooled" children. I have been reasearching a tuition-free public homeschooling charter school in which case they provide you with the books and computer software that you return once your child has finished them. They provide you with a flexible cirriculum, which for me, as a "newbie" in the homeschooling world, finds more security in, at least for now, because I have a kind of map to follow, instead of being thrown out there on my own. This program also ensures that you work alongside a certified school teacher and can contact him or her with anything. Which sounds comforting to me.

Anyway, I've been reasearching this whole homeschooling bit for years. I figured that, despite my unhappiness about sending my children to public school in this day of age, I would bite the bullet and do what a majority of most people do, and pack my child off to school, leaving them in the hands of someone else. But I find that thought terribly unsettling, and I just don't feel right about it. So here I am.

I need to talk some more with my husband this evening (he supports home schooling) and make sure that this is the best decision for us. It's such a hard thing, you know? I just want to do the right thing, and I want my children to succeed in life. I don't want to turn their academic career into a nightmare with all of the BS that goes along with public/private schools. I don't want "mass-produced" children, I want individuals, free spirits.

I don't know. *sighs* This is all so hard. I wish it was cut and dry. This morning when I woke up, I said to myself that I could do this, that I've BEEN doing this since my sister was a toddler. I always did little lessons and experiments, projects, things like that with her while she was growing up (she is 9 years younger than I) and I've done the same with my children as well. Not to pat myself on the back, but that girl has really succeeded, and I honestly think that a lot of my time and work with her helped with that. But then I begin second guessing myself, doubting myself, worrying if I can really do this or not.

Anyway, for those of you who actually were able to read through this massive post, thankyou. I guess I just needed to vent.

{{{HUGS}}} to all...

 

Hugs to you in this hard time. You will get through this, whatever decision you choose. It seems like, by reading your post, you already know the right choice for you and your son. Follow your heart, you know what is best. I think your fear is normal....the right education for your children is a HUGE decision. I've made my decision already and I'm still scared! Especially today....the first day of school for the public school kids. Makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing, but of course, in my heart, I know that I am.

As for your choice in whether or not to unschool.....I struggled with the same decision. I was afraid that Sydney wouldn't learn like she was "supposed to". Since researching unschooling (I joined two unschooling groups, one online and one that meets weekly, and I've read multiple books specific to unschooling) I've been really watching her and I'm amazed at how much she learns on her own. All I do is facilitate. When she shows interest in something or asks about something (like right now she just asked me what stingy and greedy meant), I stop what I'm doing and explain or show her whatever she wants/needs.
My confidence in unschooling has grown so much in the last few months. It's amazing. Children have a natural instinct to learn.

You CAN do this. You said so yourself.
I don't know what state you live in, but I would definitely look into some unschooling support groups, if you are interested in unschooling. Meeting and discussing unschooling with other families who have successfully unschooled will help you through the unsure and insecure times.
There are also a lot of "regular" homeschool support groups too, if you decide not to go with unschooling. I'm sure you've already found that though!

Keep us posted as to what you decide....although I think I already know what it's going to be!!!! :sunglasse

 

Just be assured that you are doing a great job of educating your child. You already have evidence of this by what the other teachers have told you. You will continue to do right by your child if you homeschool through a structured curriculum or unschool. Who says kids have to learn in a certain way. We all know that we have different styles of learning. So do the kids. We need to respect that. They don't all fit into little square boxes. We need to let them color outside the lines.

You're doing a great job mama.

Kathi

 

Thank you ladies for your warm and loving support. It's greatly appreciated!

Ugghh, unfortunately, when I spoke with my husband last night, although he's not against home schooling, he thinks that we should at least give the local public school a try, and then go from there. He says if we're unhappy, then we can always remove him, but that it's better to let him experience it first and see how he takes to it.

*sighs* My eyes can barely open this morning from all of the sobbing I did in bed last night. My husband is supportive and sweet, and he understands that this is extremely hard on me, and that I'm not sure of what I think about the whole school thing. But I agreed to give it a chance. We'll see what happens.

Well keep me in your thoughts, and thanks again for the support.

 

You might remind your husband that, years ago, children learned greek and latin in high school, whereas now we are teaching remedial english in college.......
Really, it sounds like you've been doing a great job. I see no reason to turn over your well balanced child to the propaganda mills we call schools......
But that's just me. Good luck.......

 

another good thread about unschooling
http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=107894

 

I spoke again with my husband this afternoon about this whole homeschooling dilema. Finally, finally, he actually TALKED.

Point blank, I asked him to tell exactly why he was having second thoughts about homeschooling. Basically, he just wants us to give our son a chance, see how he does because he says hey, maybe he'll actually like it, and if within a month or two if our son is having difficulty thriving and we aren't happy with the system, we're going to take him out and exclusively homeschool.

He said that homeschooling seems like a great idea to him, but first he feels like he wants to see how our son does before deciding. He says that either way, whatever happens, he's behind me 100% and will help with schooling at home if that is what we end up choosing to do. He reminds me that although we might initially be starting off by sending him to a school, that nothing is permanent, and that we always have the choice to take him out.

I guess that makes me feel a least a little better. At least I know he's behind me. I still feel extremely anxious, worried about the class size, the teacher, the influences that he will be subjected to. Ugghh. I would honestly love to just keep him home right now and not even bother with the school system, but I guess we'll give it a chance and see how he does since we did go through great lengths to get him into the particular school that he will be attending.

We'll see. Time will tell.

Thank you all so very much for your support. Please keep me in your thoughts...

 

One of my other major concerns with this whole out-of-home school thing is, I was told that his kindergarten class will be a full-day, everyday thing. I think that's absolutely ridiculous, and a lot to expect at such a young age. Most of the other schools around offer half-day, but I hear that full-day kindergarten is the new trend. Yes, I realize that many, many children are put into day care centers very early on in life, and that doing a full day at kindergarten would be nothing different for them, but what about my son? He's been with me nearly 24 hours, 7 days a week from the minute of conception! *lol* No day cares, no preschools, just his mama. He's a wreck about going and being away from me. He's having nightmares and talks nonstop about being afraid of going to school, telling me that he thinks we should "just forget about this whole thing and stay home". Will the teacher have time to help him adjust, what with a full class? Will she be sympathetic to a child that has been at home all of his young life, or have an attitude because perhaps she, if she has any children, always had them in day care or whatnot so she can't comprehend what he might be feeling? Will she have the patience?

What kind of rubbish will he be subjected to from children who's parents don't give a damn about them? Are they (the school) going to push the kids too hard, too fast, too soon? I guess I'll be finding out soon enough. I have an orientation appointment with his teacher next week before he starts school, so I suppose I'll get somewhat of a feel of what to expect.

 

Meanwhile, I'm having to be all chipper and positive, not letting my son see the tears in my eyes...which is hard! I don't want to turn him off about going, so I (we) are doing all we can to stress the positives. But it feels so phoney to me, you know? Ugghh. This really sucks.

 

hippychick, i could have written the same post! except my kids are older. we've decided to try another school year, but we may pull them out if it doesn't go well. my son is learning disabled and though the school does accomodate for his needs, the social part of school was not pleasant for him last year. he was bullied occasionally, which is just unacceptable to me. we decided that maybe it was just a bad year/bad class/bad teacher, and decided give it one more chance. but the minute there is another case of bullying he is out of there.

i related to your post because i did the same questioning and tormenting myself about the homeschooling choice. i'm a natural worrier which is something i'm trying to work on as it makes desicion making really difficult at times.

personally, from what i know about you i think you would make a great homeschooling parent! but remember that even if you do decide to try school, you can still just as easily remove him.

or you could wait a year or two to try school.
i think that full day kindergarten is too much for many kids! we actually did homeschool when the kids were in kindergarten. and our school has half days. in our area kindergarten is singing, playing and socializing mixed with a very little bit of learning that any devoted parent could do.

good luck on making your desicion! maybe we will both end up here before long, lol!

kathy

 

Thankyou soooo much kraftykathy. It makes me feel much better to know that there are other mamas experiencing the same emotions and fears as I am. I've kind of felt alone, you know? Not here, but just in general. It feels like no one can possibly understand what I'm going through, although I know many other parents do, such as yourself!

I'm a natural worrier myself. I worry about every little thing. I wish I wasn't like that, but...oh well. I'm TRYING to work on it too.

I would say that 99% of me wants to forget the whole trying it out ordeal and school him here myself. Kindergarten actually isn't manadatory where I live, something I just found out with my recent research (maybe it isn't anywhere, I don't know) but I worry that if for some reason, it didn't work out, I would want him to have at least a little experience with attending an actual school under his belt so it wouldn't be like a major shock. So I keep telling myself, okay, we'll try it out, see how he takes to it. Maybe he'll be one of those kids that thrive, that actually enjoys the experience.

My husband admitted that he never liked the whole school thing, nor did I at all. My mother wanted to homeschool me, especially in my teen years, but she worked full-time, was a single parent, and couldn't afford to hire someone to tutor me, and the thought of trying to homeschool me herself was overwhelming. My mother-in-law is completely pro schooling, and says that had she had the resources and more confidence in herself as an educator at the time, she would have homeschooled in a second.

This morning my son and I were reading some books together, he's actually learning to read words now, which is so awesome to me, and he's taken on a fondness to learning Spanish, which we have casually been working on. Basically he asks me to translate a particular word for him, and I look up the proper translation for him. He remembers it much better than I do, in fact, he reminds me of what some of the words are. *lol* And the kid does simple math. He can add and subract. He knows all of his colors, all of his shapes, the alphabet, and how to count to 100. He can tell time. He's only 5! I've never once forced him, I've just let him lead me, and we've had a lot of fun.

I told my husband that I agreed to let our son try out the public school for a little while, but man, if I had my way, I'd say to hell with it, forget the trial period. I've been stating a lot of facts to him off and on these past few days, and I can tell that he's really listening, that the wheels are turning, that he's starting to lean more towards homeschooling our son. But I promised I would give it a try first. So, I guess I'll do that, although I'm far from happy about it, but pretending to be, for my son's sake.

 

HCmommy

You say you've done some research. I assume you've read John Holt's books then? What about Grace Llewellyn?

If you have not read books by John Holt, I suggest you do so immediately, before the day that you plan to send you child to kindergarten. Today! Go to the library and get them out! He explains everything that I'd like to express, deeply eloquently, and I think you'll connect with his words very well.

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I'd also like to mention that I pulled out of school 1/3 of the way through grade ten and started unschooling myself. Before I left school I smoked tons of pot, drank a lot, and harmed myself in many different ways.. I left school and within about four months I was healing... Now I sing, dance, and am chock full of love and peace. I learn out of my natural curiousity and freedom.
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You know in your heart what to do, babe.