Getting close to student

I really have no one to talk to about this in fear of them telling others so I came here to be
anonymous.

Hello, highschool teacher here with a bit of an issue. There is a student in my class who seemed a little weird and doesn't have many friends so I befriended her by eating lunch with her sometimes and helping her with homework. I soon found that she was not weird at all but just... different. We began to hit it off and became really good friends and since we are both lesbians she usually comes to me for relationship advice. The other day she came to my class after school crying about her girlfriend cheating on her and I was so angry I shocked myself, but I was also happy in a way because she was now single. I felt horrible after feeling that way and tried to brush it off but a couple days ago we had this conversation:

Student: Sorry I forgot my board again

Me: Sometimes I think you forget that thing just to see me

Student: Yeah just to see that horrible face

Me: Haha you love my face

Student: I love more than just your face

That last comment made me blush and even turned me on a bit but I told her leave playfully so I wouldn't upset her although I was angry at her for making that comment. There are plenty of rumours going around of me and her sleeping together and scared of losing my job or worse. The student is graduating this school year so I can wait but Im scared if these rumours are already too widespread. What do I do?

 

you should stop fucking around with children.

 

If she's still interested when she graduates, then go for it. Until then, you are an adult in a position of authority and should avoid spending time alone with her.

 

You cannot possibly be angry at her for making that comment, when you were the one that encouraged it in the first place.

Sometimes I think you forget that thing just to see me?
Haha you love my face?

That's no way to talk to a student.

 

Wrong, just so wrong. Not because you are gay but because there is an issue of authority and trust that should not ever be crossed.

 

The fact that you had that conversation should tell you that you're too close. The fact that rumors are flying should tell you that you're too close. The fact that you're gay has nothing to do with it. The fact that you're a teacher makes it worse. I mean that in the most respectful way possible. I'm sure that you knew in your heart as you were typing that post that you're going to have to distance yourself from this student for the time being. It's already gone too far. Back off before it goes any further. And I hope for your sake you didn't type that on a school computer.

 

Why don't you put it out of your mind and let the child developed relationships with people het own age.

I feel that we are supposed to be setting a good example for anyone younger than us and helping them make good decisions. Just thinking about waiting for her to graduate is going to cloud your judgment now. We are supposed to prepare kids for success in life, not blow their lives because of our desires.

 

you definitely need to be very careful here. You need to avoid any private meetings, if even for a moment. This is to protect yourself. The fact that there are rumors flying and such, just means that you need to be extra cautious. Yes, you can remain friendly.

If you are thinking of pursuing a relationship with the young lady, please, for your own sake, wait until she has graduated and is 18 before going any further. Ideally, wait for some extra time to pass before going any further. This is primarily because you are in a position of authority, and you definitely risk your job and reputation if you aren't extremely careful. This would all apply, regardless of gender, race or sexuality.

Personally, if I ever found myself in a similar situation, I know that I would have to take the adult position and say no. But for myself, it would be a little easier, as I am generally attracted to older guys, rather than younger, but things happen, right?

Good luck with this, it is going to be a difficult thing to deal with.

 

I would tread very carefully, it would be best if you only see her with others in the room and reduce the numbers of "encounters". in Texas teachers have gone to prison for this.

 

If you're asking about your job, I don't think there's anything you can do. The good thing about rumors is that they are rumors.

Other than that, I'm going to unsurprisingly take a different stance toward whether you should hook up with the girl or not: this is entirely between you, her, her parents, and in this case, your employer.

I think it's absolutely retarded that there should be an arbitrary age or that authority figures should not date their subordinates. That shit is anti-evolutionary first of all, and just feeds into the false sense of control that dumb people need so much.

Cliff notes: do what you can get away with

 

So your cool with teachers screwing students, priests screwing altar boys, etc? What about boy scout leaders messing around with 12 yr old boy scouts? Cool or not cool? Or is it just ok if the parents give consent? See...I'm not following you for a number of reasons but one of them is that you throw in parental consent which automatically implies that you aren't talking about a person who is of age to give consent on their own. That is seriously fucked up. There is no heady world available to live in where it's ok to fuck kids if you're an adult.

 

You're not going to follow me anyway because obviously you have your mind made up and strong feelings about the issue. So...you come up with logical fallacies that suit your argument. I never said minors can't give consent. They do, absolutely all the time in every kind of relationship. And contrary to what your paternalistic ways might make you believe, it may just be that they know what's best for them more often than you assume to be the case. And certainly better than you.

However, I acknowledge the fact that if someone is a dependent, and the parents are going to face consequences of a possible mishap, then obviously they may want to weigh in.

For those of us who aren't control freaks and have the ability to think of complex issues in more than black and white terms: we know this to be a continuum problem. According to the law, a day, a few hours, minutes, seconds, could determine if someone is able to make decisions concerning their own body. Voila! It's your birthday. Suddenly, what used to be rape becomes good for your skin and hair texture.

I certainly acknowledge that the greater the age difference, the more unlikely a healthy relationship is to materialize. But my head is not a place for fixed ideas to congeal and knock about. I have better plans for it.

The whole altar boys thing is a strawman. Congratulations.

---------

Edit: As for boss/subordinates relationships, I think this is a matter of expediency between the employer and employee. It happens absolutely all the time anyway, and most of the time it's nobody's business. I can see why an employer would be concerned, for instance, that a teacher may not be able to give an accurate assessment of a student's performance if they are enganged in a relationship. But to think that every boss/subordinate relationship is unhealthy by definition is simple-minded to the point of pain. Only politically correct stiffs can possibly come up with such a facile equation.

 

Well...I did take my examples to the extreme, didn't I? In any case, if she gets caught screwing around with a student she's going to be fired.

 

Not only will she be fired, she will most likely lose her teaching certificate and quite possibly go to jail.

A lot depend on what country she lives in too, in the states it will be very bad for her. Seeing she only has this one post "she" could be a troll or not interested in our comments.

 

Thank you for your uninspired, painfully condescending crystal ball moment.

 

She needs u to be there for her and to be a friend she needs to be able to feel safe and to look up to u. U need to put ur feelings aside and be the educator she needs u. Keep it in ur pants.

 

You're welcome. But I didn't mean to be condescending. Especially painfully condescending. Ouch.

 

:troll:

 

The worst is the Tabloids! they Love to portray teacher/ student sex in a most scandalous fashion.

They will mine your Facebook for the most provocative and sleazy photos then present this as you to the world, fulltime.

 

Because of a case in a near by town. I have read about a few of the teaches student sex scandals. You should do a search yourself. Seems courts are harder on female teachers, than males. You might decide OFF-LIMITS in a hurry.