This post is hard to classify so I just decided to put it here in mental health. Its not really all about me, I myself really have no problem at all. As of right now im an avid gambler but I play tiny amounts of money for hours and hours. It takes discipline, self control, and you got to be educated on your casino games. You got to think hard about what your doing, and you need to be the "plan ahead" type of person. Heres the thing though, my significant other and I are opposites in so many ways. We have lots of things that we don't both enjoy, in other words we got our personal hobbies that one or the other really hates. I absolutely despise going to the bar, yet ill go there with her once in awhile. But she knows that im sitting there extremely upset, and that im trying to be with her. She really doesn't do it that often though so I should try to not get so upset about it, we dont have arguing sessions or anything over it. We don't really ever fight, we never have we always just talk and if we don't agree we agree to disagree. She always throws up after drinking sessions, and I don't agree it's ok to do this, but im careful to voice my opinion on that. Like I said, it occurs rarely maybe once a month or so... She doesn't have the moderation, stability, or the "planning ahead" type of mind that I do. Anyway, onto the gambling issue... This is one thing we really really enjoy doing together. We seem to be there for different reasons. I always want to include her in the things I like to do whenever I can. So I was really happy to find that we liked doing this together. Thing is, ill usually lose about 2 to 10 dollars on an overnight gambling session, she will lose hundreds. As of right now I don't say anything about it cuz it doesn't effect me. I don't know if I can say shes addicted, if anything IM the one whose addicted, because im always the one to seek out the casino, but once I get there im extremely careful. She could care less about going but once shes there she has no limits. She likes slots, and they eat you up quick! Im a video poker junkie, and the reason is because I can go by the nickel or penny. I also tend to take brakes after losing 50 cents or a dollar and walk around enjoy free drinks(no alcohol period till I get home). The buzz for me is all the noise, and im one who hates noise particularly the noise that you hear in a bar. Casino noise is soothing to me, so is the smells in there from the smoking, and the caffeine in my drinks, and just the whole aura of excitement and adventure. I love to go on bicycle trails that lead to casinos, ill ride my bicycle for an hour and a half at a time, stop at a casino on the ride, play a buck or two for however long I want it to last on video poker, then take off again. I really don't know what her enjoyment comes from. Im a simple minded guy, she often comments that im a simple minded and easily amused fellow. I just wish I knew what goes on in her head during our gambling sessions. She doesn't seem to be getting what she paid for there, while me im always getting a rush like im on crack and feeling so exceptionally happy playing my pennies. I have the opposite of depression, im very often extremely happy about and content about life. She has depression and takes medication for it. Not sure what she takes now, but she used to take citalopram which I hear is the "strong stuff". She says her depression is called "dysthymia" and its the worst possible I guess. I just hate to see how its soooooo much cheaper for me to be happy. And she can pay hundreds and not really get anywhere near the amount of stimulation and excitement that I get. What is she doing?? Running 20 dollar bill after 20 dollar bill. Its none of my business, its hers. And because we have no kids we can do what we want with the money, so I choose not to rock the boat about something that isn't worth fighting about. I do know this though, she doesn't care one little bit about money. It means nothing to her at all. Some say its because we are from different cultures, me im white/british ancestry, shes native american. I don't buy any bullshit from those who tell me that its "in their genes" to be that way. She often talks about reservations being full of drunks, child molestors, criminals, druggies.... All I see is people.. that, like me are just trying to get by in life and make the best of things. They aren't any less capable than white people at planning, thinking, or practicing moderation. It seems to me that they just fall for all the fucking generalizations about THEIR culture, believing it, and making it a reality. Last time we went out gambling, I saw what seemed like my "good" habits rubbing off onto her. She sat next to me and watched me play video poker and played it a bit herself. I never saw her actually go for the card game before she sticks with slots. I would explain to her as gently as I can things like "its a fun game, you don't have to bet high... look here you can turn down the speed the cards are drawn so it doesn't deal so fast." And I signed up for a players card and gave it to her so she could have 10 free bucks, she signed up for one two for a total of 20 bucks. She watched me gamble for awhile, and basically followed my lead, playing pennies and nickels at a time and we chatted, sounded like she was having a great time just like me! She then showed me the keno game which ive never given too much attention but because its a game that takes GOBS more attention and time than just spinning the reels on a slot(still doesn't really take any thinking or skill though) and she played pennies on that. She likes the game! I tried to reinforce this habit in her as gently as I could without sounding like im trying to control her. She did go to a slot machine for a bit though, which kinda upset me, but she went back to the keno and poker after losing a few bucks. We also played video roulette there which has a minimum bet of 25 cents! So she ended up playing the whole night with 20 bucks! It felt good to see that... I just wish I knew... Is she picking up healthy habits from me? What do you all think? I know shes got depression and all... but theres no reason why she can't get around all the struggles with this when shes got good support from me... I feel like im being pretty "supportive" and all. Like... I think that im doing the right thing by not yelling at or making her feel bad for spending hundreds of dollars on the games if she wants to, im just letting her do as she pleases, but doing all that I can to reinforce good habits in her. No harm in that right?
You sound like a good guy, but be careful because opposites do attract and that can be dangerous. But I think you are doing the right thing by being supportive. The best way to help a depressed person is to boost there ego up a little bit, as you have been doing. Therefore you both are vibrating at the same energy level, rather than you being happy all the time and she being depressed. Just keep making her feel happy, and being supportive showing her that shes not alone. If she's progressing from it, GREAT!!! If not than let her work her issues out herself. To keep a healthy relationship you both have to open for communication from one another, and honest. Also, about the gambling part I would suggest you advise her to stay away from $200 dollar games, anything can be a drug as long as you abuse it. Keep that in mind
