funny things you learn as a mom...

i'll start

noodles are easier to clean up after they dry, oatmeal is not.

 

I learned while babysitting that the easiest way to cut food for young ones is to cut food with scissors!

 

wow i never thought of that one

 

Oh wow, the things I could list! A few gems we've discovered are:

*Noisy children are fine... but once they turn silent you'd better RUN to see what they're getting into!
* Four year olds do NOT like seeing babies in cribs... and are perfectly capable of removing a 3-day old baby from the "jail" (while they stay asleep) if you turn your back on them.
* Do NOT wake a child who falls asleep in the middle of the pile of legos. They are NOT uncomfortable, and WILL be irritable if you move them!
* Three year olds can cut a LOT of hair with those safety scissors that barely cut through paper.
* Helpful toddlers can dump a LOT of dish detergent into the dishwasher when you're not looking... and it hides in the bottom where you'll never see it.
* Dish detergent in the dishwasher will wash your dishes AND the floor at the same time!
* and if you have enough dish detergent in the dishwasher, it will flood half the house in the time it takes you to walk around the block!
love,
mom

 

my goodness, those are PERFECT.

if you're cooking food for two children, one will like it, the other will not. it doesn't matter what you make.

 

my wife hates when I dont rinse my oatmeal bowl...sorry

 

well, if you ever run out of spackle, just use oatmeal. the stuff is like cement.

 

I'm a Papa, not a mama, but....
I have learned that children are like delayed parrot's. They don't use papa's construction language until they are at the extremely religious grandparents house. "Grandma, I'm going to slide down the stairs on my ass!" or "Fu**ing cat" (I swear, I try to watch it, but I am a construction worker, I spend 10 hours a day cussing at the stupid employees). I have learned that if you ask your child if they are poopy, they will be more than happy to reach their hand down the back of their pants and grab a handful to show you. I have learned that sweet revenge on your parents is to feed your children a lot of sugary candy and them drop them off for a few hours.

On the other side, I have learned that bright little smiles can light up even the darkest of days. Little arms can give the biggest hugs ever. Your small audience never judges or says you look stupid when you are acting goofy and dancing like a dork has audience participation. Forgotten toys are fun again. I have learned what unconditional love really is.

 

lol. the kids' language. i grew up navy, i have a mouth like a sailor. i try really hard not to say bad words out loud, but they're ingrained in my hardwiring. you know what worked for me? explaining to the girls that the bad words that come out of my mouth are for grown ups only because we don't get in trouble for it. it actually worked.

 

I learned how to say things I never thought I would say: "Get that out of your yoni!" "No, Moire. Cats aren't ride on toys." "Who filled my shoes with juice and small toys?"

 

If she says she didn't poop, she did.
No means yes.
And, if you say something, she will repeat it. (In example, I was cooking spaghetti and dropped some hot sauce on my foot and said "Stupid mommy". Alexis and I were out to the grocery later and the lady in line behind us asked her who I was and she said "That my stupid mommy.")

 

I've learned that even if she doesn't look like me she still acts like me.
I've learned that short hair on a little one is alot easier than longer hair.
I've learned to never leave a bottle of ketchup or ranch dressing on the counter.

I've learned what it feels like to have someone love me just the way I am unconditionally just because I'm mama.
I've learned that car rides are the best thing in the world and that we should go on more of them.

 

I've learned that
-playpens are a godsend, especially once they start walking lol
-teaching them to walk is similar to a dog.(thanks to my little brother lol)
-leaving keys on the table is a bad idea, put them higher.
-the cat looks like a toy
-baby racing is better than the ponies
-sleep is overrated lol

 

hahaha. my toddler yells at me for using that mean word.

i've learned that if you pee in the shower your child will be horrified and lecture you for a good thirty minutes on how to go on the potty.

 

Hahahaha.... Made me think of the floaters my son had while taking a bath when he was just a little over one. I think it would have scared the crap out of him but it was already out! Man, he freaked out. It's sad what we as parents laugh at.

 

Cartoon underwear can be a bad thing. when I worked at a day care the kids favourite thing was to show off their cool new underwear and compaire.

 

Not mine dude, she pees in the shower, then she says, Mommy you gotta clean it up!

 

I've learned that as stressed out as I get by the constant loud noise that my children make, fighting, ect...... silence in the house is NOT a good thing. Noise is better.

I've also learned that when you teach a child to paint (even if you teach them to only paint on paper or whatever), they think that it's okay to "paint" on the bathroom mirror with TOOTHPASTE when mommy's cooking dinner, emptying the ENTIRE tube so that mommy has to go to the store and buy more that same night just so they can have clean teeth.

I've also learned that I CANNOT outsmart a four year old child in most situations.

 

haha aww!

 

i've learned that losing a little sleep is totally worth snuggling up to a toddler in footy pyjamas.