Funeral, not sure whether to go or not.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by jambo101, May 25, 2013.

  1. jambo101

    jambo101 Member

    The neighbors 23 year old daughter died this week,it was a drowning accident.
    While we've lived next door to each other for 10 years we were'nt really friends and just exchanged small talk on those occasions when we confronted each other while coming or going to our respective apartments.
    The daughter we spoke to even less.
    So now i'm wondering as sympathetic neighbors to the pain and grief this single mom has to endure should the wife and i attend the funeral? Would it be construed as being non of our business?
     
  2. deleted

    deleted Visitor

    if I spent all my time visiting the dying and dead, Id never live..
     
  3. Aerianne

    Aerianne Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Take her a casserole.
     
  4. I went to one a couple weeks back, a guy that I used to work with dropped dead of a heart attack at 29, wasnt close to him at all, but felt compelled to go simply cos of his age, extra shitty at that age, there was a huge turnout.

    Over the last couple years I had a few relos of the old crusty geriatric variety dro dead and didnt bother going to the funeral. I hate it in that case, its kind of like Facebook, all of a sudden cos they are dead a few people are acting like their close friends, our heats are with you, you will be sorely missed etc etc. Even though in real life non of those people had really even bothered to visit them since Reagan was in office
     
  5. newbie-one

    newbie-one one with the newbiverse

    it's very thoughtful of you to think of her at a time like this.

    I guess one question is how much support you feel like giving her. Another is how much she wants.

    When is the funeral being held?

    Giving her a casserole might be a good idea.

    If you can interact with her before the funeral, you may be able to get a sense of what she wants or needs from others right now.

    she may want someone to talk to. she may want people to be at the funeral. or not.

    you may be able to communicate the level of support you want to offer.

    if you're not invited to the funeral, you might send flowers.
     
  6. Sassygurl

    Sassygurl Member

    Definitey a casserole. With loss, people can be so consumed with grief they stop taking care of themselves...people traditionally bring the mourning family food so they don't have to worry about meal planning and prep and so they have enough food on hand if famiy is coming to stay for the funeral etc. So a casserole is a great idea. Telling her how sorry you are for her loss and asking if she needs any help with anything also goes a long way......if you want to go to the service and its not just a small famiy only event, then go, but I don't think you're obligated.
     
  7. ghostkitty

    ghostkitty Member

    I went to my grandma's funeral a few months ago, and didn't think of anyone who came that it was none of their business to be there. I'd say the family would be grateful for your support.
     
  8. Glasshopper

    Glasshopper Struggling for sanity

    When parents outlive their children they are devastated and it helps to think that their child touched others lives enough to want to honor them.

    My guess it that it will help ease the mother's pain to show support.
     
  9. daisymae

    daisymae Senior Member

    Just go. You don't have to stay long, go up to her and say, "I'm sorry for your loss.". You could take some food over to her house.

    Small gestures can mean a lot.
     
  10. RainyDayHype

    RainyDayHype flower power Lifetime Supporter

    were you invited? how did you find out about the accident? I think funerals are more often than not reserved for close family and friends.
    If you're questioning whether you should be there or not, then I feel it would be out of place for you to go.
     
  11. daisymae

    daisymae Senior Member

    I have never heard of anyone being invited to a funeral. They are usually advertised in the obituary section of the newspaper for anyone to attend. The private ones are specified as private, close family only, etc.
     
  12. Aerianne

    Aerianne Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Another thing a neighbor can do, besides making sure she has food, is offer to house sit for her to receive any food or flowers that come while she's at the funeral...neighbors are good helpers at these times while family and close friends are mourning.
     
  13. ScrubPuppy

    ScrubPuppy Member

    The death of someone close is traumatic. More so, I imagine, when it's a child.

    People are generally upset when it happens and neglect to feed themselves. Taking over something to eat is a good idea. Maybe leave it at that. When my father died my neighbor gave us a huge bowl of desert; I lived on that stuff for several days
     

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