I've been dating my girl friend for almost 4 years now and we've been having some.. Bedroom issues. This is incredibly embarrassing to admit but she never seems to want to have sex anymore. When we first started dating we fucked all the time practically every day. Then as time went on it slowed down a lot. Now we're having sex about once every 6 weeks. I think the longest we've gone was three months. I'm kind of a kinky girl who only likes rough strap on sex (I don't like getting oral) and she's quite the opposite only liking oral. It's actually gotten kind of bland and I'm running out of ideas to actually make it good again. I just want to know is this normal? She's 27 and I'm 24. I usually masterbate daily and have a high sex drive. I feel very resentful and hurt when she doesn't want to have sex with me. I've tried sending dirty pics, sexting her, being romantic, doing nice things for her. And while these do get me laid its still not as often as I'd like. Is it me? Am I just being sensitive about it? Is this normal? I feel like this relationship will not be going further without improvement on the sex part. Opinions/ advice anyone?
Have you talked to her about it? Don't expect things to get better if there isn't substantial communication between the two of you
Of course I have. We don't live together and only see each other a couple times a week. I've tried talking to her about it but she takes it as a attack or comes up with a lame excuse.
this is a problem, if I can't talk to a partner I don't consider it a relationship I would come up with an ultimatum, either we talk or this ends - and I am from the lesser interest , she and I were together 12 years and all she had to do was talk to me
Hell, since she's being kinda snotty about it just tell her she sucks in bed. That you want a better sex life and if she can't satisfy your needs on a basic level then you might find someone that can. Harsh but truth and if she doesn't want to talk, make her listen, you have a right to enjoy your sex life. Oh and maybe she's cheating on you, hope not but sounds like a possibility.
Somewhere a wise old person said something along the lines of: Sex is never the problem. If it is ..... look deeper. i don't know, but maybe you should.
I totally agree with you. I don't think I could be in a relationship where I would not be able to discuss matters with my gf
Why don't you live together after 4 years? I would feel like a fuck toy if I was getting sexts and dirty pics and lectures about the lack of frequency but no effort to deepen the commitment in the relationship? Obviously this has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with some kind of other dynamic in the relationship. You have a need that's net being met, sex. You won't even consider continuing a 4 year relationship if she doesn't start fucking you more regularly. (Sounds harsh doesn't it?) Clearly she needs something from you that she's not getting that keeps her from feeling turned on in the relationship. Some people need their hearts/sense of security/trust level turned on before their sex drive is truly fired up in a long term relationship. Just like some people can't release their hearts/sense of security/trust level if they don't have the regular physical connection from sex. You need to talk to each other about what's behind the difference in each of you with "I feel like" statements. Asking her what her problem is with out acknowledging your part, is a recipe for disaster and quite honestly, dishonest. My wife and I got thru this hiccup 15 years ago and we are more in love everyday because of the foundations we built from those tough conversations. Not to mention, we have an excellent sex life. You can read my comments on other posts. Those conversations taught us how to negotiate everything else that has come after. If you love her do the work. If you don't, let her go so she can find someone who stops making her feel bad about what she can't give.
