Found stuff on fiances laptop

Hey all. Totally new to this site and I just have a question and not sure where to turn.
I'm supposed to be marrying my fiance in 4 weeks and I have some serious questions. Been together for 3 years, both 28, lived together for over a year now.
We both love eachother and our relationship is great but a few weeks ago she brought home an old laptop from her parents place and I ended up going through it while she was at work the one day.
I ended up finding old xxx pictures and videos of her and an old ex among other things. Some of what I saw was kinda surprising/shocking to me and im not sure what to make of it. I have no way to approach her about this because it would be a huge fight.
I was also super shocked to see her old web history with the porn she watched and some of the search queries I saw. Completely out of character for her.

Any suggestions on what I should or shouldn't do?
We get married in 4 weeks.

 

That is an old laptop and you are engaged to the current woman. The woman you've lived with for a year is still the same woman that you've lived with for a year. That year is the best, most current, example of who she is and who she will be.

And, to turn to other matters, was there anything that she did in those videos that sparked particular interest in you?

 

Yeah I understand what you are saying but it somehow feels like I dont even know her after seeing this.
Not sure if "sparked particular interest" is how I would describe it. Just kinda surprised and shocked. Some really rough stuff and she had a lot of different toys (anal) used on her that we don't have.

 

Yeah , porn is more of a guy thing than for women. I guess you address that video or let it go . You might get a porn DVD . Play it, see how she reacts .

 

Being totally honest... the things you saw in the video are something she likes to do, enough so that she recorded it on video to share/watch herself.
If the two of you do not do any of those things, she still wants to. And that will likely be problematic. Obviously she is very sexual, and if she is not satisfied by just you... well...
Best thing would be to openly talk about it. Problem being of course... she is not going to like that you went through her old laptop. But then again, it's not like she didn't know the videos were on there.
Then why did she not delete them?
At any rate, you cannot marry this person without talking about it.

 

You are not ready for an honest and open relationship with this person. You do not know each other at all. These are among the basics of what should be known about each other. This will lead to a very rude awakening if you don't find all of everything that needs to be known.

What me and my girl did was tell everything. I sucked more cock than she did when I was a teenager for money. so i guess I was a male prostitute. She was a Vegas call girl. We went into deep detail with our experiences which are actually a super turn on for both of us. She loves to eat pussy. We have agreed that if it ever comes up we can bring another guy or girl into our bed. It hasn't happened in 23 years. Neither wants kids. We say no to religion. But sex openness id the biggest issue because it is like eating it is body maintenance that is not practiced routinely can destroy a relationship. I'vre been there done that. Ask me a question and I will be honest with you.

 

If things as common as porn are kept from you that she believes you will not like it or shun her. Let her know who you are and how you both feel.

 

Hi, everything some how work out now?

 

I'm interested in the outcome also!

To the original poster, if it still hasn't been sorted, I don't think you shouldn't over react to the stuff that you found. Everybody has their past and little mysteries about them. It's not like she was actively hiding those things from you. My wife knows that I still have some love letters from past loves. She understands that they don't mean that I'm still in love with my exes only that they are a reminder of the past and a stage in my life.

Talk to her about it.

 

Yes "the things you saw on the video are things she likes to do." The question is, "why is she keeping it a secret from her significant other"? Open up everything to each other now or there will definitely be problems in the future.

 

I think she may have kept them as its her past, but should have been locked and kept private, I think you find most women have secretes just as us men do.

But if this is giving you problems you should really think before marriage takes place, as its playing on your mind by telling her what you found on the computer and take it from there.

 

I see things a bit differently. IMO if everything, every little bit of what use to be secrets become open to each other then nothing is impossible. You, as I feel I do, will have the most open and satisfying experience of that other person that anyone can ever have. What is so important or private that it must be kept a secret?

 

The problem he has not come back, so we don't really know what's happening so until such times its best we don't say anymore.

 

I reread the original post and he found xxx pictures and videos of her with her x. If me or my girl had old videos we would wear them out watching them together. I guess all relationships are different.

 

I think you should use this as an opportunity to get closer to her and expand your sexual activities together.

 

OR as a comparison that you both are so different that thoughts of moving on may enter the conversation.

 

I hope all has gone well for you and that you were able to resolve your problems.
I would however like to point out that just because she did those thing doesn't mean she is still into it. It could have been a phase she was going through or something she felt pressured into doing. It's possible that she is with you now because you don't expect that sort of thing from her. If she really wanted all that she would be marring someone else that could give that to her. The reason she hasn't told you about it is probably because she is embarrassed or regretful about it. As far as why it's still on her old laptop, it is possible that she forgot that they were there or thought she erased them or even that she brought it home so she could get rid of them and you just saw them first. Even if she was planning on keeping them it could be for other reasons then what you assume. She could just like the way she looked when she was younger or a million other possible reasons.
The point is don't assume without all the facts and don't get mad about something that was already in the past when you got together.

 

Try to understand why she has those videos or what she's looking up. Your surprise shows that theres things you two need to talk about when it comes to this so u should probably either slowly talk to her about it, or try what u saw she liked in the videos and see how she reacts. People change, so I wouldnt pin it against her.

 

If she is truly the person you want to be with, videos or not, then still give 110%. If you are going to hold a grudge because of it then you either bring your concerns to her attention or move on. That simple. We all have a past...it's what makes us who we are now but it doesn't have to mean we are the same people as we were back then.

 

You both need to be wide open to each other if not problems may occur in the future