I am an English learner and English is a foreign language to me. Nowadays I have been trying to brush up writing and have done a little writing. I know this is a forum where many native speakers gather so I take the liberty of pasting some paragraphs of what i did here and wonder whether you would give me some advice on the piece of writing below. Thanks a lot. My writing: There are not many days to go this year. I have been pondering how to express my good wishes to you, to the New Year and me myself. To find proper words for such a purpose, you can surely understand, is no easy job. I have pondered a lot, and none unrelated to you. You like narcissuses but didn¡¯t luck into any this year, which is to be ascribed to my not offering any help. I believe you will yearn for the narcissus¡¯s pure fragrance and immaculate whiteness all the more. I know you harbor other yearnings, and when the yearnings intensify, the mysterious world will unfold for you. You live on a meager income, but never wear a woebegone expression (I have often noticed your innocent smiles). I know you once picked an exquisite souvenir medal you wore on the chest and gave it, as a gift, to an old man, who couldn¡¯t make a tour to far-off places. And you asked in delight, ¡°Is it beautiful?¡± In my eyes, you were affluent, because instead of soliciting, you were bestowing.
My thoughts: There are not many days to go this year. ---'to go this year' is an awkward phrase. Other option would include 'remaining in the year' I have been pondering how to express my good wishes to you, ---'for' you is better, grammatically to the New Year ---'new year' is not a proper noun and so should not be capitalised and me myself. ---I am not sure you can have go wishes for yourself? To find proper words for such a purpose, you can surely understand, is no easy job. ---Not a complete sentence? Either replace the period with a comma or begin 'I have struggled to...' (or something similar). I have pondered a lot, and none unrelated to you. ---the is no object for there to be 'none' of as ponder is an action/verb not a noun. I suggest: 'I have had many thoughts...' You like narcissuses but didn[']t luck into any this year, ---You are using luck as a verb when it is a noun. This might be ok as an informal saying but should be changed if you want to be technically correct. which is to be ascribed to my not offering any help. ---stick in past tense 'which can be ascribed' ---I don't understand, you not offering an help to what/who? I believe you will yearn for the narcissus[e]s pure fragrance and immaculate whiteness all the more. ---All the more for what? 'All the more' implies a cause, which you have not stated. I know you harbor other yearnings, and when the[se] yearnings intensify, the mysterious world will unfold for you. You live on a meager income, but never wear a woebegone expression (I have often noticed your innocent smiles). ---woebegone is accurate but quite archaic, you mi8ght do better to use something like 'mournful' or 'woeful'. I know you once picked [up] an exquisite souvenir medal you wore on the chest and gave it, as a gift, to an old man, who couldn[']t make a tour to far-off places. And you asked in delight, ["]Is it beautiful?" In my eyes, you were affluent, because instead of soliciting, you were bestowing. ---A string of odd word choices. Also the metaphor of wealthy from giving is a little counter-intuitive I think you meaning is clear even when the phrasing is awkward.
VEINGLORY: I have to say it's very kind of you. I feel grateful! This is the first reply I've got after registering here. Thanks!' Actually, the above piece of writing is my translation from another language. I might be adopting a word-for-word approach in doing this, which makes the wording sound awarkward. Your advice has been of enormous help. There is one particular place where I wonder you would help me out, i.e. "soliciting" and "bestowing" in the original version appear to have the meaning of "begging" and "giving". I had thought to put it as "taking" and "giving" (which sounds more like a couple) but rejected the option after finding "taking" do not contain the meaning of "to beg". Would you give me some alternative choices?
I would say 'giving' and 'receiving' as these are common words and it echoes the Christian saying 'it is better to give than to receive'.
