For People With Children....

Why did you decide to have kids? How did you know you were ready? Do you wish you had waited to have children?

I am struggling with knowing if I am ready to have kids or not. Some days I think I am ready, some days I think I am not. I am confused and I need some guidance.

 

How old are you?

 

mine was an accidental pregnancy with a guy I had been dating less than a year at a point in my life when all I cared about was hanging out with my friends and being wild and free. So needless to say I was most definitely not ready. But the funny thing is everything fell into place so perfectly anyways.

naturally you shouldn't follow my example lol, but I've also come to realize there's never a "perfect" time to have kids, aside from being financially and physically able to care for a child. As long as those pieces are in place my advice is to truth your gut.

 

I think you have to sit down and write out on a piece of paper why you want them. These are my reasons.

1. To open their imagination with fantastic stories
2. Get 'em into the same sports teams as me
3. Teach 'em what I've learned that I was never taught
4. Someone to go horse riding with
5. Someone to throw an awesome party for
And so on.

Clearly, all personal selfish reasons for me that basically tell me; you aren't ready to have children.

And that's just the way it is for me. Mind you, I'm extremely vocal with my choices these days, someone gone get uppity over things, my mouth gone open, what spews out I ain't apologizing for.

If your only reasons for having children revolve around your personal happiness, I don't think they're the right reasons.

Just my two cents.

 

I didn't make the choice to start having kids. I got "roped" and she's even admitted it in the past. My friends tried to warn me numerous times but I was dumb and blinded by that woman. She was gorgeous and had the hottest body I'd ever seen naked in person up until that point in my life. She was a freak in bed....constantly fucking my brains out. She would do anything I wanted sexually and act like it was her favorite thing in the world while she did it!

Then one day it was like "Surprise! I pregnant! Let's get married!"

Divorcing her was possibly the best decision I've made in my entire life.

 

Sounds like it was fun for a while though, and you don't regret having kids with her?

 

I really don't regret having kids with her because I love them so much. I regret how it happened and regret not listening to my friends when I should have. It's interesting to ask.....knowing everything that happened and all the shit I've had to deal with over the years because ot it.....if I could go back and walk away from that relationship and having kids at a younger age, etc...would I? I don't know. If I could say that I would have the same three children now only with my current wife...absolutely. My daughter has not had to go through nearly as much crap as my sons had to go through because of their mom and her family.

Funny thing...my ex tried to pin all of the boys problems on me and my and my wifes shitty parenting (I got custody of the boys). But my daughter is very well-adjusted, kind, happy, mature, on the honor roll every semester, in dance and gymnastics, student council, honors choir and she's a grade ahead in school. I'd say out parenting wasn't the problem. Guess which variable isn't a part of the equation in any way.

 

I always knew I wanted children. Met and married a man who was good father material. I kinda did wait...first one was at 31 and the second at 33. I waited until I was with another human I could trust enough to make other human beings with.

Just be realistic about it.

It will change your life forever.

They grow up very fast...one minute they are cooing at you the next telling you "no" and the next telling you "I hate you".

Be sure you have done things for yourself first, enjoyed, played, traveled, been a bit selfish, gained some wisdom. Because once you have children, you brain begins a slow decline.....lol


I adore mine. (most of the the time)

 

I lived with the father of my children for a year before I married him.

Four months after getting married, I got pregnant. It was a planned pregnancy and just seemed like what we wanted to do more than anything.

When we bought our house, having another baby seemed like what we really, really wanted to do - so we did. She is 3 1/2 years younger than her brother.

All I can tell you is that we both really felt like having these children was what we wanted more than anything.

 

Thirty.

 

Thank you for all of your responses... you've definitely given me a lot to think about.

One thing I do need to do before my husband and I pull the goalie, is to get my 4 wisdom teeth pulled. I made a consultation appointment for that surgery today, and am set to see the dentist next week.

Making the decision to have kids is definitely not something that should be done over night, at least for me. I tend to over plan, and then go with the flow...getting my body in tip top shape health wise is a good idea regardless, so I am trying to focus on that right now.

I feel the sense of pressure that I HAVE to have kids. It is coming from my inlaws, as well as my own parents, as well as from some of our friends. Typically, if someone tells me I HAVE to do something, then i automatically desire to do the opposite. Right now I have been telling myself that it is OKAY if my husband and I decide not to have children, and that we don't have to do anything that we simply do not want to do.

 

I am glad you made the decision to divorce her and then found someone who ultimately makes you happy. Everything happens for a reason, right?

 

It is absolutely okay!

If it is not a burning desire within you, then don't.

 

How old was your husband when you became pregnant with your first child?

 

I don't know why people are like that. Why would you want to push someone to have kids if they don't want to?

If you do decide to have kids though, now is probably a good time. After 30, the rates of birth defects go much higher.

Acupuncture is my answer to everything. I recommend trying this out if you want to be in top shape for pregnancy.

 

Exactly. And both my husband and I are terrified of having an unhealthy child. My husband works with Autistic children, and he sees parents struggle every day.

 

We were only married 3 months before getting pregnant. We didn't plan it...but we didn't not plan it. Our second was born almost 8 years later. I do wish we had them closer together, but can't change that now and won't.

I was 29 when my first was born and almost 37 when my younger was born.

 

Your son is a Denver Bronco fan, right Shy?

Everybody give her around of applause because she got parenting right.

 

He was 39.

 

Ahh, okay, so not too far off from my husband and I. I'm 30, and my husband is 38.