For Family and Friends

Discussion in 'Recovery' started by Aerianne, Jan 10, 2012.

  1. Aerianne

    Aerianne Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    Today was one of his regular days off and he went to another meeting; so that's several he has attended in the last week. :2thumbsup:

    Also he talked to me about being happy that he was not drinking and had not attended a drunken party at a friend's house over the weekend to which the police were called, etc. Before, he would have been there.

    Maybe he is starting to get it.

    Thanks for asking, Stinkfoot.
     
  2. stinkfoot

    stinkfoot truth

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    Glad to hear (well, read) that and no problem. People should be able to vent at times and I've tried to serve as much as an ear as possible. I think it's too easy to start feeling that you're all alone in this but there's support in a few different forms... this forum being just one.
     
  3. Aerianne

    Aerianne Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    My son drank today.
    His wife said he drank yesterday and
    I'm pretty sure he drank Saturday, too.

    Damn it.
     
  4. stinkfoot

    stinkfoot truth

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    Bummer.

    Be strong. I'm told that unfortunately relapse is too often a part of recovery. Your son has my compassion as I'm sure he's trying the best he can. I'm thinking that he's probably not situating himself well for lasting recovery. He needs help.
     
  5. Aerianne

    Aerianne Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    How are things??? It's quiet in here!

    My son had a few more set backs = drinking episodes.

    The latest thing he has done is to talk to his physician about his drinking. Because he told her that his cravings were more mental than physical, she prescribed him 30 Xanax and told him she wanted to last him at least 90 days. She warned him that they could be addictive but I guess she is trying to help him break the mental addiction to alcohol.

    We will see...

    I hope everyone is well and staying sober!!!
     
  6. lovelyxmalia

    lovelyxmalia Banana Hammock Lifetime Supporter

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    I will tell you, Xanax does help. Although they ARE addictive, the feeling he will get on those will be different than that of alcohol.

    I've known Xanax to help quite a few alcoholics recover...it might be a slow process and there may be some bumps along the way, however, if he's out talking to his doctor and family about the alcohol and what its doing to him, I'm sure he will find the steps to persevere. My thoughts are with your family for his recovery

    :sunny:
     
  7. Aerianne

    Aerianne Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    Thank You, lovelyxmalia! I needed to hear those words of encouragement this evening!

    I came here to say that he drank this afternoon. I don't know how much but he texted his wife that he drank "a little". Then, the dumb ass got in the car and went somewhere. I don't know if he went to get more or what. I know that he is home now and I hope he just goes to bed with no scenes.

    I worry so much about him, his wife and his little girls. I live next door and I feel like I'm on pins and needles when I know he is drinking over there (since the scene in Sept when I had to call the police to him.)

    I hate this! I fucking hate it.
     
  8. stinkfoot

    stinkfoot truth

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    I'm sorry you have to deal with all that. I really hope that he gets help and sticks with a program. I'd be leery of him taking Xanax though.. for the addictive properties of it. It seems like he'd be trading one problem for another.

    Some people may put less effort in a recovery if prescribed a pill to help. I imagine that at times your son seems to be "all in" for recovery but he keeps going back to the bottle again and again. I feel for his children and as well for you- being so close to it.

    I believe that alcoholism killed my father. I hope your son is ultimately successful in defeating this demon.
     
  9. Aerianne

    Aerianne Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    Thank you, Stinkfoot.

    It seems he's gone and made some kind of remark on another woman's photo on facebook, saying he'd "pay 11 years of child support to hit that", which has humiliated his wife. I can't even look.

    I am full of all kind of disappointed and disgusted emotion right now.

    Last night he played Mr. Upstanding and coached his little girls' softball game; tomorrow night he will do the same. In between he is acting an ass.

    His wife did say he'd finally headed to the bedroom so maybe he is down for the night.
     
  10. stinkfoot

    stinkfoot truth

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    Sometimes it's best to disengage yourself for the sake of your own mental well being. There may well be a time that you'll be needed to pick up the pieces and it would be better if you didn't allow the details of something you cannot change affect your emotional state in the meantime.

    I know, easier said than done when the epicenter of the mess is right next door..
     
  11. Aerianne

    Aerianne Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    I try to not stay in drama about it.

    My son's wife and my husband are the ones that put their heads together over everything. My husband is who she has chosen as her sounding board because she's embarrassed to let her family and friends know her husband has a drinking problem. She uses him as her confidant and they both kind of know not to put too much of it on me because I get defensive - not of him and his actions - but of me not being responsible for his actions now that he is an adult.

    If I let my husband, he complains to me about my kids actions instead of talking with them about things they do that irritate him. I can't take much of that without yelling at him to go and talk to them and leave me out of it; he never does that, though.

    I don't begrudge anyone needing to vent once in a while or needing someone to bounce ideas off of.

    What I don't have tolerance for is people who spend the majority of their lives complaining and letting it end there. I'm the kind of person who believes in doing whatever is within your reach to make things better. Yes, I'm a "fixer" and I cannot fix this for my son and his family. Yes, I'm greatly frustrated.
     
  12. stinkfoot

    stinkfoot truth

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    Disengagement seems the best route if possible. I hope that you can achieve some level of domestic tranquility through your son getting some help and starting a solid recovery.
     
  13. Aerianne

    Aerianne Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    I can sympathize with my daughter in law. On the other hand, I can only take so much of my grown kids' drama.

    If I wanted to be emotionally involved in relationships with crazy people, alcoholics, etc., I would be. That's not what I want to spend my emotional energy doing. I've spent alot of time and energy to not be in those relationships and I don't feel the need to be in them vicariously.

    Okay...I guess I'm venting.

    I want my kids to have nice lives and make good choices for themselves. I also know that it's all on them at this point and that no parent, spouse, friend, or whatever can convince anyone to take any action. It has to be a desire that wells up from within each individual.

    I watched my mother attempt to direct and control her adult children until the day she died. I don't have that desire. I don't want to be her.
     

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