For bi men whose wife is still "in the dark".......

KD23:

Another excellent reply.

In that situation, it would be, more or less, a "collective bargaining" issue; in other words. compromising (on BOTH sides) as well as "negotiating a two-way" street........

 

Ideally, it's a two-way negotiation. In reality? It could be anything but. I wouldn't even call it "collective bargaining" because it's more like begging and being in a position to accept whatever she has to say about what you want permission to do. Are you ready to give her anything she might want in return? Because if you aren't, this isn't going to go well for you. I wouldn't even want or dare to call it compromising because it might not be depending on the woman you're married to... and the woman you just told that you want to be able to have sex with other men.

The negatives that can happen here are that you want to do what you want to do and who you want to do it with and... she wants to control your sexuality including who, what, where, when, and how. She could... want cock that isn't yours... and a lot of it. She could want pussy - well, now, I'll bet you didn't know that about her, huh? A word to the wise: I wouldn't even say the word "threesome" around her unless she brings it up first.

It took months for me and my first wife to come to terms with the ultimatum she laid on me. She wanted to be able to do whatever she wanted but I couldn't do the same. I invoked "good for goose, good for gander" and added a promise to divorce her as fast as I could get a lawyer to do it. This wasn't just going to be about her and it couldn't be since - and as I explained to her - whatever she does can affect me and our children. She didn't want to be "fair" about this b ut I figured that if she can hit me with ultimatums, I can make her a promise that I wasn't kidding about.

It turned out to be a negotiation; there was a lot of compromising. A lot of crying and a lot of cussing. I was lucky in this but I knew a lot of men and women who weren't so lucky to get permission so... they went dark and on the DL.

 

KD23:

I have never thought of this until just a few minutes ago.......

Let's say a bi male gets divorced; eventually, he's getting ready to "tie the knot" for a second time.

NOW, he is, obviously, going to have the "replay" of his true sexuality with his second wife.

Does he "put out his feelers" BEFORE the wedding day, to get an idea as to HOW she MIGHT react, OR, does he, again, go down with the "DL", and keep that side of himself under wraps from the wife?

They often say, "practice makes perfect", but I am not so sure how that might apply to this sort of delicate situation.............

 

I think at this point if I were single again and looking for another spouse I would let her know I was bisexual prior to tying the knot with her.

 

I think that would be a WISE choice, for sure, my friend!

IMHO, it would save a LOT of grief later on.......

 

Again, I must say that I totally agree with your post.

Letting your intended know that you are bi BEFORE you get married easily could save MUCH grief later on; and, it (IMHO) is MUCH better for the bi man to "get it all out into the open" BEFORE the marriage.

Again, would solve much turmoil later on............

 

If he were smart, he'd try to find out how his new wife-to-be feels about such things but, yeah - the definition of insanity comes to mind. If your ex-wife divorced you because she found out that you were having sex with the next-door neighbor, "Stanley," why would you put yourself back in that same situation again? Sure, investigate what she thinks about such things while keeping in mind that there's her thoughts and answers right now and her thoughts and answers anywhere down the road could be different and you won't know - can't know - if those later thoughts, feelings, and answers are going to be favorable for you or not.

And with the understanding that if you come right out and tell her that you're bisexual, there might not be a wedding day. If you tell her this, you're gonna wind up telling her about any man-sex you've had, when you've had it, who you had it with, what were you doing - oral, anal, or both - and, important to her, when was the last time you had sex with a guy... and it better not be any time after you first met her, either! You might not "get away" with telling her that you last had sex with a guy a month before you met her because... women can be weird like that. If you said that it was last year? You might get a pass. Maybe.

Would it save a lot of grief later on? Not if she refuses to marry you or ever see you again. If you don't understand why men and women go on the DL, this is the reason why because they can be at least 90% sure that their soon-to-be spouse isn't going to understand their sexuality and even if they do, they're going to strongly insist that you forget that shit and only settle for the sex that they provide and putting you at their mercy which, um, is the reason why some guys/gals went on the DL to get what they needed. Could you be wrong in your assumptions about her? Yes - she (1) could understand your bisexuality and/or (2) she, too, is bisexual but, um, if you don't go to this 'forbidden subject' and inquire, you can't really know... and women change their minds more than the weather can change.

Guys/gals who keep their spouse in the dark don't want to have to deal with this very frustrating drama, lack of understanding, so on and so forth and they devise plans within plans to make sure their spouse never suspects and never finds out. Or they don't want to risk anything and spend their marriage having to suffer and being unfulfilled...

 

KD23:

Once again, a thorough, insightful, "right on the mark"/"use your common sense" response; thanks, once again, for providing all here so much of enlightenment and insight........

 

Common sense doesn't work in these things. Going to the DL to get your dick fix is (1) fucked up because it shouldn't have to be this way and (2) runs the risk of destroying a marriage and, yeah, even if she finds out and she tells you that if you had told her from the start, she would be okay with it... but you've been lying to her - the lie of omission - and cheating on her which are greater sins than having sex with men.

Men who have made the decision to go there are aware of this; guys who are thinking about hitting the DL, well, if you didn't know this, you do now and you should factor it into your plans to get the cock you need. But common sense does, can, and will tell you not to do this and can kick a guy back to square one and rethinking his need to take care of a need that he's been trying to ignore and its overpowering him. He has to do something and doing nothing - and that's what common sense says to do - isn't an option since doing nothing has already proven to be unhealthy for him.

Being married and bisexual is the worst situation ever. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. That being stuck between a rock and a hard place is some very real shit.

 

KD23:

Man, if that LAST sentence in your post BLARES IT OUT LOUD AND CLEAR; and, I am QUITE sure, that there would be MORE than a few married bi guys here who would TOTALLY agree with you.

"Real shit", for certain..............

 

I doubt I would get married again, I do love my wife but at this age in my life would hate to go back to square 1. Though I do miss making love to a woman. I would play the field but let everyone know I was having more than one lover with more than one gender.

 

Just take things at your OWN pace; look at your life as it is now, and simply "make adustments" wherever you think there might be need.

Do what makes YOU feel good, and cast a deaf ear to naysayers......

 

I’m the same when my wife is on business trips I open my doors to nights for mutual cock sucking and group wanking we’re all married but have a love of cum

 

Thanks I am straight but love cum and a good cock uncut in my mouth, just love the feeling as it gets hard and throbs until I feel him about to cum in my mouth, nothing like it. Nice to meet you

 

Where are you? I am in Australia

 

''.....business BEFORE pleasure, or is it the OTHER way around........"

 

I like that with the guys all pleasure and my wife hss a FWB when away, then sends me pov photos of his cock in her. Love it

 

What are you into? Love to exchange experiences with you

 

Well, in all honesty, being only into M2M, and being totally celibate for 68 years, the only "experiences" I've had involve my ever-ready pal "Peter Palm" and his 5 buddies!

Of course, I greatly enjoy reading of the experiences of other guys here (and you DO learn a LOT, THAT is for sure!)

 

Thanks for the reply, happy to share my sexual exploits with you and your friends if you want?
With Peter and the five friends, what did you get up to?