For bi men whose wife is still "in the dark".......

A+! "thesis"

 

Not so much of a thesis as a "listing" of how guys on the DL can get caught out by the wife they thought had no idea what they were up to. Actual shit guys did to run afoul of their wife/girlfriend - and they were sure that they had their tracks covered and, for the most part, they really did - but. A "lesson" in what not to do or learning from the mistakes other guys have made. Stuff that when you're planning your trip to the DL that you should keep in mind and know that just because it happened to so many other guys don't mean it's going to happen to you - but you also need to keep in mind that it could.

Then the crazy part: Don't let any of this get in the way of you enjoying your time on the DL. It's like you know this, you want to avoid this, but don't let this dominate your thoughts or you're in the middle of having some kind of sex with your guy and instead of focusing on what's going on, you're worried and thinking about what if someone finds out or, worse, what if your woman finds out. Doing this is counterproductive and a mood killer.

Think first... then act if you must... or if you can. And if you find that you can't, then don't. Back to square one.

 

KD23:

Recall the old adage:

".......oh, what a tangled web we weave......."?

Think of that now, in relation to a married bisexual man whose wife hasn't a clue (as of yet) that he's "having fun" with other men...................

 

I'm having a bit of a hard time equating that quote to the reality of being married and bisexual. Operating in the DL discreetly without the wife "knowing" has been done over the centuries; it's always been possible if the cock-hungry husband can figure out how to get it done... discreetly. It's not the tangled web of complication that we can turn it into but it's not all that easy but if you think it out, you can figure out if you can hit the DL for some man-sex or... you won't be able to. Shit, some guys can't go the bathroom without their wife wanting to know where they're going or what they're doing in there! So you can well imagine how difficult it would be for him to meet with "Gregor," who he met at AutoZone last week, so they can suck each other off and maybe get an FWB thing going.

Difficult, but not impossible. Recall this adage, if you will: Work smarter, not harder.

 

KD23:

I'm hoping not to seem too "out of touch" here, but am curious as to what "operating in the DL" means.

Thanks........

 

DL = down low, the place people go to do things they'd rather not have everyone knowing that they're doing. It's the place you go to when you don't have permission to meet with your FWB for sex because you're already in a relationship.

 

KD23:

Ah, so THAT's it!

Thanks!

 

my wife has never been completely “In the dark”. When we were first together, I confessed my SB From way back in my youth. At first, she was quite shocked,, But eventually, the idea grew on her. She got into pegging me, Occasional gay porn. We had a few MFMs And see suggested looking for a bi/gay man for us to have sex with. She wanted to watch me suck and get fucked, COOL! Unfortunately we never found the right dude, and she has not been interested in sex for a few years. me on the other hand, still want to find the right dude. at this point in time I don’t know how she would feel about it.

 

Sure hope that you find that "right dude" sometime soon, my friend!

 

My wife has no idea. We've been together for 23+ years, married for 15, and I've been occasionally acting on my "dark, inner desires" for a little over 10 years.
It hasn't been easy, to say the least, but I do my best to have carefully planned discreet encounters with guys far enough from home that I won't likely run into them in public.
She just started back to work, so my availability has increased a little, but of course, since then I've been really busy with work.
I'd say I average 1 meet up every 6 months or so, not nearly enough.
I will not be telling her, She doesn't take much interest in me sexually anymore anyway.

 

I know some wives who well and truly have no idea that hubby is out there playing with dick. I know some who do know what he's up to... but they haven't said a word to him about it and some have said (1) as long as he's taking care of home, it's all good or (2) that works because it cuts down the number of times he's begging for the pussy. Some know and... they don't care, don't want to know what he's up to and some know and there will be lawyers involved very soon.

Or, as my mom used to say, "Every closed eye ain't asleep..." or the more modern "Just because she don't say anything don't mean that she don't know anything..." but if a guy's out there getting his in and his wife isn't planning to do a Lorena on him, it's all good...

 

It would seem easier, then, (IMHO) for a SINGLE bisexual man to get all the dick/ass/pussy he wants, as he is NOT in a "committed" relationship.

Just my 2 1/2 cents worth..........

 

You'd think so, wouldn't you? He still has friends, family, perhaps co-workers and is constrained under the same stigma and angst against homosexuality and anything that resembles homosexuality. A lot of single bisexual men are also on the DL because there are people that he'd rather not want to find out or question what else he's doing when he wants to have sex that... doesn't involve a woman - and a natural-born woman at that. They might not have a girlfriend to keep in the dark but there are a slew of other people who he'd prefer to be in the dark.

"What if somebody finds out?" isn't a question that married bisexual men alone ask: That's any bisexual man who knows that if he's discovered to be doing "gay shit," he could find his balls in a vice and just like married counterparts could. Of course, the single bisexual male could rightfully state that he doesn't have to explain his sexual behaviors to anyone nor does he have to answer any questions in that regard... but if, say, his parents were to find out? His siblings? What about his friends and acquaintances? What's the likelihood or odds of a co-worker or employer finding out? It's still to their 'benefit' to keep people in the dark and as necessary because we still live in a society that doesn't care about the differences between a homosexual man and a bisexual one; as far as they're concerned, they're one and the same.

If the word were to make it to the street, what are his chances of getting a girlfriend if she's heard that he likes to get fucked in the ass? Or that he's a cocksucker, let alone that he (a) fucks guys in the ass and/or (b) likes to have men suck him off? He'd "automatically" know that if he's trying to get with a woman, he's gonna have to hide the fact that he has sex with men or, gasp, he wants to, fantasizes about it, jerks off to those fantasies and watches gay porn on PornHub. He already knows that she cannot know because if she does, the relationship is over before it can begin or, yeah, he's not going to get that pussy if it's just sex that he wants from her.

But if he's on the DL and he's "mastered" being able to be discrete and is good at covering his ass, sure, he can get all he wants because the rules of a relationship only apply if you're actually in a relationship - but they might want to be aware of the fact that FWB is a relationship type and one that can be subjected to exclusive monogamy between the "friends" or, yeah, you can get this dick and ass... but you'd better not be fucking around with anyone else. I've felt that it unfairly sucks to be a single guy, to be someone's FWB, and now finding himself being held to relationship standards and more so when he could have been of a mind that FWB was also NSA, which it can be... and might not be so much.

 

KD23:

Well, indeed, it WOULD seem that there is no "easy way out" for a bi guy to get the dick and ass he needs, no matter if he is SINGLE or NOT.

You are 100% correct about the "stigmas" relating to ANY sort of m/m sex; narrow-minded bigotry, sadly, always seems to be with us.

"........my close friends, family members..........how would THEY react if they knew I liked guys as much as women?" (and, maybe even a little bit more?)

Guess no matter HOW you look at things, NONE of it is "any easy walk in the park", UNLESS the wife/galpal gives her 100% support..........delve in to the 'D" at your own risk, it would seem.......

 

Well, yeah, you go to the DL at your own risk because there are a lot of people who take a very dim view of "those downlow motherfuckers." It is to note and to understand that millions of bi guys are on the DL, married or not. They're getting the man-sex that they need and as far as they know, no one is the wiser because they take every precaution they can do something about while understanding that they cannot foresee or account for everything that could go wrong, and shit tends to happen when you prefer it didn't happen.

The DL wouldn't be necessary if we lived in a society that wasn't, for all intents and purposes, homophobic and they believe that Old Testament stuff. We don't live in such a society and while it sucks to have to be so secretive to have the kind of sex you want and need, it is what it's always been. You risk damage to your reputation; if you're not smart and careful, you can put your health at risk and - another note - the only safe sex is to not have sex and if you're not doing all you can to protect yourself when having sex with anyone, that's on you. And, no, having an FWB doesn't make you safer.

A guy - single or married - who wants to have sex with other guys will do whatever he has to do - and risk whatever has to be risked - to have the man-sex he wants and needs and if he has to be sneaky about it, then that's what he has to do and now it's all about not getting discovered and outed. Again, the thing to be remembered is that millions of bisexual men have been and are doing the deed like this and... it's all good. No one knows or suspects.

 

KD23:

Excellent response; a great deal of "food for thought", combined with some astute and mature viewpoints, as is the norm from yourself......

 

Just my opinion........

If you are a married bisexual man, as long as you keep a mature, level-headed view on your situation, and practice discreetness and knowing how to stay out of a situation which may well lead you into a "danger zone", again, go with your "gut feeling", and use your common sense.....

 

Speaking of Lorena Bobbet.......

It IS indeed REALLY frightening to contemplate just what MIGHT this madwoman have done, if she discovered her hubby in bed with another MAN(!!)

Would he have even still been alive today............scary shit, for sure........

 

This is how you keep her in the dark. It sounds so dishonest, doesn't it? But it's either this or wind up suffering even more due to suppressed desires and maybe even having great resentment toward the wife and regret over being married. It's not with another woman (although some guys manage to squeeze some pussy in as well) which might save him if she ever finds out but... just make sure she doesn't find out. And when she asks you why? Stand your ground and tell her why while keeping your cool at all times.

 

I suppose the devils in the details here. I have a back issue that I see a masseuse for occasionally. My guess is she thinks I’m getting a happy ending at a massage. I know my wife very well. She would never be ok with me having a gay lover. I actually think she would accept me seeing a girlfriend more easily. Either way it works keeping it a secret. Why take a risk?