Food for me is sacred and pleasure. I have always been one to overthink...you could say. It seemed strange to me as a child to eat things from a package. I would spend a lot of my time wondering the exact process, who exactly made the food I was eating, etc. I was paranoid about not knowing if someone who would've hated me made my food... eating at a restaurant or someone else's house...how would I know the dishes were cleaned well? How would I know what was really in the food? As I got older I got to be pretty paranoid about eating things and not knowing exactly what it was. I read ingredient lists and created menu plans as a teenager, but it was not like I was on a diet at all. I just always wanted to be healthy. At some point too many people told me I was too skinny(which wasn't even true), so I started trying to fatten myself up by eating only junk food...I got ridiculously sick at this point in time and developed a pretty strange eating disorder(also didn't gain any weight that way)...nothing like anorexia or bulimia...anyway, it took several years to discover a sense of comfort with food, but when I did it became a connection to my intuitive ideas about feeling closer to my food, where it came from. I started to eat a more pure diet and found that it was pretty easy. First of all I enjoyed the food better, secondly my body and mind healed in a pretty miraculous way, third I began to release a lot of my rigidity about perfection and just learned what I really wanted, what really made me feel well and I discovered lots of new foods I'd never tried before. So I really enjoy eating the way I like to eat. When I fall behind and find myself eating the way I used to I find myself feeling out of it mentally, fatigued, in pain and feeling like I could spiral into food addiction/paralysis. I also get a lot of allergic reactions/detox symptoms I don't like...so it really doesn't take much self-discipline and I have never felt like I was missing out on anything... I sometimes don't eat the way I prefer because I am not always prepared enough for every situation. There are foods that are absolutely mystical for me. Things that I can eat that make me feel so amazing I remember it for a whole year and longer. Persimmons are one of those foods. I love tropical fruit, I have a sort of bucket list of fruits I want to try, there are so many...I also learned a lot about eating enough and knowing when I'm truly full and eating more simply makes that easier for me. I used to spend so much time eating and cooking sometimes it would feel like it was all I had time to do. Now that I eat a simple, produce, plant-based diet it's very simple for me to just eat and not have to think too much about it or expend so much energy trying to chew or digest things, I also don't have to worry with seasonings much. I love preparing food, but sometimes it is nice to just sit down and eat as many mangoes or persimmons as I want or throw some dates or bananas in a blender and be done with it. I like to make food with/for other people. I do feel that food is a social thing in a way...I also really love to eat outside, especially fruit and it feels appropriate...I connect the seeds with the foods I eat as a habit/ritual.
