Fluidity was a major part of my life even before I realized I was not straight

I had an epiphany not too long ago that every aspect of my identity has been defined by fluidity in some way, including long before I started to explore my queerness and my gender identity. A lot of being on the autism spectrum is defined by fluidity, as many autistics learn to be chameleonic from a young age to survive. It makes sense to me, therefore, that my own sexual and gender identity has been so fluid and ever-changing. I've been through many different labels--borderline asexual, bi, gay, sapphic--before just settling on queer as a better summation of my attraction. Same with my gender identity, hence why it's just one big question mark on my profile.

My personality fluctuates so much that it could be described as queer as well as my sexuality. My existence is queer, my existence is fluid, and I can't imagine I'm alone in this realization either.

Any other fluid people out there? On a lighter note, what sort of fluid would you be? Ocean water? Juice? Non-newtonian?

 

No, you're not alone.

I run the whole range, from masculine to feminine. Restricting myself to a single segment of that spectrum would be denying wholeness, but most people are conditioned by society to do just that. Some of them become man-haters or women-haters.

I love personally expressing both masculinity and femininity. And for intimate partners, I don't care where they are on that spectrum as long as they are respectful and loving.

 

As for my favorite fluid, lately it has been the warm water in a swimming pool, late at night in the desert where I've. A local gym is open 24 hours each day, so I go there and glide through the warm water for 30 minutes and let all the internal mental chatter slowly melt away. Feels very sensual.

 

I think it takes a lot of people until they reach a certain age to fully internalize the language and understandings to be able to firmly say they are not Strait or heterosexual. I for one can say I relate and before I was even sexually active or even knew how Gender was different than sex, I knew deep down that I did not want to limit myself to the same patterns I saw in other people of my birth sex.

 

I think that there is some transcendent streak in a lot of people's journey away from their assigned gender, and surely, for many who think on a spiritual level, that question starts much earlier than questions involving presentation of self or sexuality.

 

Like a lot of kids, my natural state in early childhood was to relate closely with both boys and girls. Later, after puberty, I observed that the gender roles assigned by society were forcing males to segregate from females to an unhealthy degree.

Some of my peers refused to play that game. We kept the door open to understand the fluidity of gender. The transcendence you referenced is what helps me to feel whole.

It appears to me that more women understand this than men, but I highly value the men who are courageous enough to bridge the gender gap.

 

I think we are on the same page here. I loved a female who I let destroy my male ego out of love. I discovered without a male ego I was able to cross the gender divide and present myself as female very effectively and with a great deal of pleasure. If you cross the gender divide in this way, with a strong male ego, it will cause you a lot of pain.

 

I was fortunate to meet a boy in a 7th grade class who immediately loved me for who I was in my natural fluid state. Similar to what you have described with David, he and I formed a lifetime bond. We still regularly talk on the phone. It was never sexual with us-- but it remains as a very loving relationship

He and many women have been so supportive all my life. I would not feel whole if I were not able to express my femininity and masculinity. I think about this every morning when I go out for a sunrise walk in the desert.

 

Very lovely! It's nice to meet such an aware person as you.

 

I can't help but think that so many men would feel so liberated to shed toxic societal norms for men. When will men liberate themselves from strict gender roles to the degree that women have?

It's so fulfilling to embrace what all gender orientations have in common. Love is so much more fun than division.