First Time Was Everything And More

I was 17 partying with my buddy's and we were all on acid and at some point in the evening I asked my best friend to follow me across a creek away from our buddies and found a place where I un did his pants and put his cock in my mouth and started giving him head when in about a few minutes I felt my mouth fill up with this warm liquid, wasn't sure as to what it was but I swallowed it all and then he said, okay lets go and I couldn't believe I just gave my best friend head and I swalled his load on my first time. Later on when everyone left the beach I asked him to stay behind for a minute and asked if I could give him head again and he un did his pants, hauled out his cock and I gave him head for the second time in one night taking his load once again enjoying the taste of his cup oddly enough since I've never tasted cum before but I remember enjoying swallowinghis load both times. I think being on acid made the experience even more awesome, I knew before that night that I wanted to suck cock and I'm glad we shared that mind blowing experience together, I knew from that night that I would have to have more sexual experiences with more guys sucking more cock until I felt comfortable with it and didn't feel guilt and confused anymore about my bi sexual nature, though I'm married I still dream and fantasize about giving a guy head or guys head. I'm like a vampire needing to feed once again, it drives me crazy not being able to suck cock whenever I want. Frustrating.

 

I completely understand how you feel, being married to a spouse that would never understand my desires. After I indulged my bisexuality the first time I had the same guilt and confusion. It took many years of a cycle of giving into my desires and then feeling guilty for it to get to the point of figuring out it’s my sexuality. When I try to ignore it and go without I get to the point of craving it.

 

It's so true..No matter how hard you ignore the cravings..Just when they seem like they are gone and was a phase..They come roaring back like a tidal wave..Wave after wave of urges will hit you, each one stronger than the last until you can no longer fight it..You will always go back to it..Ive never experienced anything like the need to suck cock..Its like oral O.C.D...There is no substitute for it, nothing you can do to hold the cravings at bay, they will be relentless until you give in and release that stress and pressure valve..You HAVE to feel it in your mouth

 

I definitely became addicted after sucking my first cock (as an adult) at 30 after breaking up with my first girlfriend. But my gay desires never waned, and I seem to have spent a large amount of my free time stroking my cock and jerking off to gay porn, and almost exclusively gay porn, for decades since. That of course would always drive me out to find real cock, and later ass.

200++ cocks and 24 years later, there was just a short period of time in the early period of a relationship with my second girlfriend where I wasn't thinking about male ass and cock. But even in that very rocky 3-year relationship that ended just before the pandemic, at age 57, the gay desires came back, and were super powerful, especially during our many breaks. At the end of that relationship I realized that I just can't bother with any kind of relationship with a woman again, because my gay desires are way too strong, and to tell you the truth, because I have a rule of monogamy in a relationship, a long-term relationship with a woman would be impossible. In fact, I had enough with women and didn't even desire to have any more sexual relationships with them, let alone romantic ones. I've only had interest for men since then. It was only the stupid lockdowns that stopped me from having continuous, nonstop sex with guys post-breakup. And after the pandemic it's been my self consciousness of the weight I added during the pandemic that has stopped me from getting out there more.

But I hope to get back to the swimming pool and gym, and most of all to just accept the way I am, with or without the extra 30 pounds, and offer my talents to the pleasure of men. My deep need of gay intimacy is just too strong to let this dry spell continue. If I wasn't working, I think all I would think about all day long, every day, is cock and male ass.