First Time Solo Sex while Drunk

For me it was at age 16. My Mom threw a party for her friends and friends of my late Dad. I watched her make the punch. The recipe is:

1 can (46 oz) of grapefruit juice
1 quart of 7up
1 family size can of frozen orange juice
1 quart vodka

all ingredients pre-refrigerated, but you can add some ice to keep it chilled.

Most of the folks at this party were people I knew, so I joined it. I think my Mom was already tipsy because she didn’t seem to give a shit when I started imbibing the punch. And that punch is dangerous stuff — it is so smooth and fruity and thirst-quenching, and the taste of the alcohol is completely masked. I had three or four tall tumblers of that stuff, and I was hammered.

When I went up to bed, I got naked as was my habit, and figured I’d give the bedsheet a good hump, which was also my habit. Before I did, I wrote some indecipherable nonsense in my diary, but I do recall that I was feeling very horny and thinking about how masturbating might be a whole more interesting experience under the delightful influence of all that punch. Well I began humping in earnest, and to my surprise, I had a difficult time maintaining my erection. Indeed my always reliable penis refused to come to full hardness no matter what I did. But finally, after much effort, with penis only semi-hard, I reached a disappointing climax and squirted a modest load onto the bedsheet.

And there I lay, with the bed spinning, wishing it had been better wank before drifting into unconsciousness.

It was my first lesson in something Shakespeare observed 400 years ago...

“Lechery, sir, [drink] provokes and unprovokes. It provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance. Therefore, much drink may be said to be an equivocator with lechery. It makes him, and it mars him; it sets him on, and it takes him off; it persuades him, and disheartens him; makes him stand to and not stand to; in conclusion, equivocates him in a sleep, and, giving him the lie, leaves him.” from Macbeth

I was to learn another painful lesson about alcohol the next morning, of course.