first-time mom with little-no help

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by Tamee, Jun 5, 2006.

  1. Tamee

    Tamee naked

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    thanks colorfulhippie. yeah, my rebozo is made of this funny fabric. I didn't know it until I got it in the mail. it didn't slip at first but after I washed it a few times it did. maybe the stuff I'm using to wash?
     
  2. hummblebee

    hummblebee hipstertist.

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    For that matter, if you or your friend could make it to the fabric store, you could buy a cheap good yardage of fabric that would work better. There's instructions on colorfulhippie's link (awesome site by the way!) to make an easy, simply, no-sew wrap. You might be better off that way. And really, it's perfectly possible to find something good for $1 a yard... Good luck, mama!! :)
     
  3. Tamee

    Tamee naked

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    yeah I think I'm gonna just buy some fabric. it's too bad the only store I can buy it at is Wal-mart...they're running out all our small-town businesses!!!

    Thanks to everybody for everything. now I feel kinda silly, like I should have known all this...:)
     
  4. colorfulhippie

    colorfulhippie Member

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    don't feel silly!!!! you have no reason to know this things if this is not the example you've been shown.

    does your grandma have a sewing machine? it's a cinch to hem up the edges, just zig zag them.
     
  5. barefoot_kirstyn

    barefoot_kirstyn belly flop

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    don't feel silly, i always was stumped on things that I should have known or thought i should have...still am (just check out my solid foods thread;))
    walmart has some pretty good cheap fabrics. I know what you man about them running out all the smaller buisnesses in our area, that's the only place we can buy fabric without going way into the city.
    They always have a big bin with fabrics for $1.97/meter here...don't know what the conversion is over there, but after reading some posts in the craft forum, I noticed some of the mama's talking about buying fabric from that same kinda discount bin down there. you can find some pretty damn strong, durable fabrics in there!
     
  6. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

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    Hey, Tamme, do NOT feel sillly. There is NO WAY anyone can know all this stuff from the beginning. Even those of us who are now "seasoned" moms with a lot of kids had to start (most of us YOUNG) with that first baby, and most of us had NO IDEA what we were doing. Jeez. I was giving my first baby sugar water from birth (horrible, she got nipple confusion and would not nurse for days at a time) and gave her cereal at FIVE weeks, I just was young and had no idea (and I was working in a damn MS in Child Development degree, but they don't teach you the intricate stuff, like when to give them solids and what nipple confusion is, just the psychological things) The Practical stuff is learned as you go along.

    We were all new moms once.

    You are doing a GREAT job. (And so is Kirsten and Holly and the other new mamas! :) )
     
  7. Tamee

    Tamee naked

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    I went out and bought some cute lavender fabric today so hopefully maybe tomorrow I'll have the time to fix one up. :)
     
  8. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

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    Cripes. Years of study have shown that ignoring babies only leads to problems.
     
  9. barefoot_kirstyn

    barefoot_kirstyn belly flop

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    Infants don't have the mental ability to think like we do....yeah, we know crying isn't going to get us anywhere, they don't. When they're crying and no one comes, they just learn that they can't depend on the security of their parents. How do you know she just doesn't need some TLC from her mom to feel safe?
    Babies spend the first 9 months of their lives in their mom's bellies, they can't be expected to instantly go from 24/7 comfort to being left alone to cry without the security of the only smells and sounds they've known.
     
  10. Tamee

    Tamee naked

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    I don't care, even if you are right. I just can't let her go on crying and crying. to an extent yes, if I'm making something to eat or going to the bathroom or for some other reason just can't help it, but then she gets into wailing and her little voice quivers and it's just the most heartbreaking sound. I could never just let her sit and cry and consciously NOT go to her to "teach her a lesson".
     
  11. JayzzMama

    JayzzMama Member

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    Like my sister says, Kirstyn "He hasn't even been OUT of you as long as he was IN you."

    I read somewhere that the first thing a baby needs to learn is that Mama and Papa will be there when they call. And it takes a LONG time for a child to be aware enough to "learn a lesson". Anyway, that is the one of the only ways a baby can communicate! They have to get their point across somehow!
     
  12. Tamee

    Tamee naked

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    "you're paying too much attention to her"...geez. TOO MUCH attention? a month old baby? I don't think that's possible. we have enough proof of what happens when babies, children, people don't get ENOUGH attention. I think it's time we gave everyone a little MORE attention. especially ourselves...yack, I could get into a long one on this...
     
  13. smiling_mama

    smiling_mama Member

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    Babies' brains have a very finite time period in which they learn to bond, which is the basis of all of their future relationships, etc. If they don't bond in that very specific time period, they can NEVER LEARN TO BOND. My 2 month old is within my touch just about 24 hours a day. It is a mother's PURPOSE to hold a baby. That is why we have arms! ANd when our arms are busy, thats why we have slings!

    I read a CRAPPY article today in PARENTS magazine and there was a quote from a mother saying that she held her first baby "too much" and that child was spoiled, whiney, and clingy, and so she didn't hold the second baby, and they are much more "independent" Yea right lady, if by "independent" you mean so NEGLECTED that they are afraid to show emotion for fear of rejection!

    I'm sorry if this post is a little out of control - I'm so sick of people saying they need "time for themselves", 12 hours out of the day.

    WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE CHILDREN IF THEY DON'T WANT TO BE A PARENT????
     
  14. barefoot_kirstyn

    barefoot_kirstyn belly flop

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    Yeah, Leane actually gives me plenty of time for some me stuff. I'm still in the room with her, right beside her, but I'll be sewing or something, and will reach over and play with her, too. When she's sad, it's time to stop. I probably get more time to do some of my hobbies than those moms who try the whole cry it out thing.
     
  15. Tamee

    Tamee naked

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    independent babies? what crap.
    well you know the answer to that one. babies just happen a lot of the time. many ( i won't say most, but that's what it seems like) people I dont believe have the mental capacity for having babies. I think I do and I feel very fortunate about that. I have a bottomless pit of patience. Im only 20, but I knew I wanted a baby because I know how great my potential is for being a great parent, as well as my boyfriend. I feel really lucky and how i feel for my daughter is just indescribable. she shows me a lot

    the bible is just a book.
     
  16. Tamee

    Tamee naked

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    Abryn shows me exactly how most of the things I want to do anyway are pretty meaningless, ya know?
     
  17. mamaboogie

    mamaboogie anarchist

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    the "rod" in that misquote refers to the shepherd's crook, with which he leads his flock. The shepherd does not beat his sheep with the rod, he guides with it.

    and I've never heard of the practice of leaving a baby hanging in a tree until it stopped crying. The predators would eat too many children if that were actually put to practice. Most native peoples carry their babies everywhere they go, keep them on their bodies and nurse them as necessary and their babies do not spend hours crying, which causes a major stress reaction and physical illness, even brain injury, often permanently.
     
  18. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

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    You DO! As do most of the other great mamas on this forum. Blessings to ALL of you. The ONLY way babies can communicate their needs is to CRY. To ignore a cry, is.........horrible. The only thing ignoring crying does is to teach a child, "No one cares about me. No one cares if I am hungry. No one cares if I am thirsty. No one cares if I am SAD. No one cares if I am lonely. I am going to give up." And people who are NOT ATTACHED to their children will see a disengaged child, who has GIVEN UP as "Independent" when in reality, that child is just having a brain change, which will cause her to not be able to bond and attach properly to mama and daddy and who will thus not be able to bond with anyone. If THIS is the way "independence" goes, I don't want it.

    MY kids ARE independent. But, they learned it throught properly attaching and bonding as infants. As they grew older, they learned that it was OK to be away from mama, that she still cared, and that I would be there where ever and when ever they needed me. My kids are more "independent" than ALL of the Ferberized and Ezzo-ized kids I know. These kids either shut down, or learn to get involved in Co Dependent relationships as teens and adults. This much has been proven.

    Blessings to all you good mamas and papas who CARE enough to not be "inconvenienced" by the NEEDS of your children.

    It's not. You are a fierce defender of children's rights. You have every right to care and to make your strong feelings known. Kudos, mama. :)
     
  19. smiling_mama

    smiling_mama Member

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    I'm not sure I even want my children to be truly "independent". i want them to learn that they can count on other people. I want them to learn that their mama, their papa, their grandparents, their aunts and uncles, their friends will always be there and to DEPEND on THEM! I don't get this whole "independence" kick society seems to be on - if kids were meant to be independent, they would hatch out of eggs or something.
     
  20. Tamee

    Tamee naked

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    i have a question im seriously concerned with. abryn's dad is in rehab and may not get out for possibly a year. he went in before she was born and wasnt even able to be here for that. the state issued a no contact order for him against me, so we may not be able to see him until he gets out. do you think there will be bonding troubles between the two when he finally does get out and is able to be with her?
     

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