First High in more than year. Didn't go well, help wanted please.

Hello Hello, Hip Forums community and its stoners, ganja tokers, reefer men or however you wish to be known. I have come across this site before and believe you have the potential to help me understand and contribute advice to the ptedicament on whochI have recently found myself.

Let me start off by saying that gradually from the age of 17 to all pf age 21 maybe some of 22 I went from a weekend smoker to everyday multiple times a day. I just turned 24. It was all mostly heady and outdoor middies. I would enjoy my highs despite a consistent initial paranoia and anxiety/heart racing. But despite any negativity, I enjoyed it, felt like my true self, had my thoughts flowed freely and creatively, and it was psychedelic.

Due to the use of opiates and then banging heroin I eventually stopped smoking weed all together. Between the money priorities and dope, weed wasn't my thing anymore. Not long after, I kicked heroin and moved over to buprenorphine maintenence and decided to stay clean from everything including booze.

Then 4/20 2013 happened and I had plans to go spend a night with my good friend from college across state, and the next day go to a Pink Floyd tribute concert. Because it was 4/20 it was centered around getting high on ganja, I was completely open and excited.The first night I got there late to his back in the Adirondack's woods cabin with a wood fire stove. Rustic like crazy, but beyond the point.

We pretty much got right to it, and he was no longer a regular smoker at all either but he was bound to always have a decent ‹ ounce amt of good heady. We decided we'd each take a hit and see where we were. I felt good, relaxed but mentally engagdd, and he too seemed so, so we each took a couple more hits. What ensued was definitely what I remember as the most interesting and connecting political philosophical discussion I've evr had while high or really the most interesting stoned conversation I ever had period. He is radical right, antiGovernment and white ccounty boy libertarian to the core, and me I'm a far left economic & social progressive. So there is much potential to vehemently disagree. But back in college I gave him my copy of Aldous Huxley's "The Island˝ to read and which he loved. I don't know where the conversation got started but I wound up bringing up the story of the book as an example of a true progressive We the people government, and though us progressives have our own massive misgiving about current U.S. Big Government, an idea like found in "The Island" is why we progressives believe in Government. The discussion went much deeper and we really found some common ground. After he went up to sleep I continued to smoke to get higher and higher as I listened to music falling asleep.

I tell that as part of this story to show that a first high after years of not toking was one of my best. The next day in the afternoon as we were getting ready for dinner before the show we decided to smoke again. Again I only took one hit to see where I'd be. This time the cabin was full of sun but based on a more recent experiemce I'm not sure that had anything to do with the high. Let,s just say after one hit ai got extremely high. It,s hard to describe the discomfort of the high but it was like every inch of my skin had a bizarre numbness that felt fluffy, floaty, cold and made every movement like one Ive mever felt before. I felt 100% out of place and 100% on a new body. I also felt out of place be ause my heart was racing in anxiety over being in my friends somewhat unfamiliar place, though I,ve been there a few times before. I almost felt like I couldnt talk or think but somehow I was able to express the discomfort to my friend. He in turn was very comforting, assuring me he too was uncomfortably high. And I knew of his many bad psychedelic experienced I was there for. But he was blasting music and it overpowered excessively questioning thoughts. In fact it was an old school Delaney and Bonnie song "Poor Elijah" that somehow pumped me with positive enough vibes to relax. But we were still both really high after accidentally way overcooked venison, and were wondering who should drive in whos vehicle, so we were kind of late to the show.

Tthat was the last time I smoked through to 4/20 2014 when I didn't smoke. But over the past few weeks I've been urging strongly that I want to smoke weed again only on occasional nights. So early this week I was able to pick up a dubsack of nice heady. When the time came to smoke it out of my chillum a night later after I had everything I wanted in order. A few minutes after my first and only hit I developed a high uncomfortabke and heatt raving just like 420 more than a year ago. I could barely think and barely be physically competent, I was dropping all kinds of things I was moving for no reason. It wasn’t all negative, so much of my higj stupidity was making me laugh. I would try talking to myself as I usually do and lose my train of thought and I just laugh like an idiot. Everything that did come out of my mouth would echo in my head and feel like a substance crawling. I was trying to watch MSNBC, Chris Hayes specifically. I could understand him buy in amatter of seconds i'd get sidelined by paranoia. He did an interview with Elon Musk at the end of the show and I couldn't understand a single sentence out of his mouth. It was weird, Rachel Maddow came on immediately afterward and I could understand her completely. I felt bad about it, because I really like Elon Musk and what he's doing. Maddow tjough I think has a great sense of humor and her commentary on Fox News and John McCain really had me laughing. And ot was good through that extreke higjness my interest in politics did not get consumed by my self loathing.

The initial high I was on my stool bit I was too paranoid to be able to even move matters of feet inside my room. So I decided to just lay on my bed under mmg warmest blanket, amd I was curling up like a fetus. I was continuing to try to watch TV. but I have always profoundly hated commercials so during them I felt like I was going to go crazy. But some did happen to make me laugh, damn me.

OH BY THE WAY, about twenth minutes into high I took about .40 mg clonazepam. Before I layed down.

That decision had to do with one part of the high that I think really scared me the most and why I am concerned about smoking more weed, thus why I came here for help, though I really want to be an occasional weed smoker. I refuse to let it just be some childish part of my teenage years espdcially considering its great benefits and its future trajectory in society and policy.

One a little less worringly but still prfoundly disappointing aspect of the experience was the self loathing. The constant introspective criticism of yourself, your identity, your life. I can try to associate it with the therapeutic experience of ego loss, but it's clearly far too excessive to be that truly. I can try to use some of the thinking to change myself for fhe better. But I want to be able to smoke weed a few times a week max or less and not get caught up in such megative patterns.

And the most scary part of the high, amd the reason for me takong skme klonopin even though I knew it was gonna knock me out and rob me of the opportunity to poke through to a more relaxed and enjoyable high like the last 420. When I was sitting up as well as even more so while I was laying down. Every time I made a little bit of a movement, my heart would race a million miles per hour and feel like it was pounding out my chest. I already have high blood pressure and perhaps a damaged circulatory system from injecting heroin, coke, mdma powder and some other bath salts perhaps leaving brhind some deep vein thrombosis and blood clots. It's important to mention during my days I consume lots of caffein and other stimulating herbal supplements that could have contributed to the heart racing. But it is still disconcerting just a hit of marijuana really made my heart race like that.

One other thing, I remeber just being high as fuck in bed, not when I drifted off, not beomg conscious or dreaming one second before I woke up again with a massive body ache amd migraine. I hope that was not a side effect of this weed.

So while I have written a lot, probably too mucn, to get many people to read this I still have hope some of you have advice or similar experiences to share that can lead me to be able to enjoy my occasional highs. Drawing on comparisons between the night before 420 and the latter two experiences, do you think smoking more han one hit and getting higher could get me past whatever fucked up initial stage of the high I was in? Should I just be brave and smoke multiple nights in a row to develop a stronger tolerance? It's been two nights since I got high and I was planning on getting high tonight no matter whag happens and try to use the positive I experienced to really make an effort to focus on what I intended to and really try to enjoy.

Thank you in advance to anyone who reads this as well as those who have some input for me,
Genuinely,
Brendon G.

 

hey uptown welcome to the stoners lounge..:ssmokeit:

there are soo many different strains of marijuana soo your high will depend on which strain you are smoking
and if you are having bad experiences why even start to smoke.... just be high on life eace:

 

tl;dnr but i skimmed

i get anxiety if i smoke too much, i can't keep up with most people that smoke regularly because i do not smoke that often so almost never have any sort of tolerance

i have found tho that taking benzos before smoking weed allows me to smoke a lot and not get paranoid, and it really is a great feeling to be that stoned and not paranoid at all

i sometimes feel awkward if i'm too stoned, and can't act normal (of course not )