DMT It wasn't until the end of august that summer that I suited up for my next psychonaut adventure. I had already gone back to my apartment and decided to drive back and visit my mom. As luck would have it, my friend called and said that he had found some DMT. He had been to a rave a couple of days prior. We were talking about this all summer. Well, I was talking about this all summer. I first heard about DMT from a roomie's friend in spring earlier this year. I thought he was bullshitting me. In my defense, it does sound kind of crazy. This came up again while my friend and I were getting to know each other at work. He recounted some of his trips to me and that sometimes he has DMT-laced dreams. It sounded amazing. Simply amazing. I decided that it was something that I had to do. It felt like something that I needed to do. We talked about this nearly daily. I was curious to the point of obsession. We were discussing and listening to Terence McKenna. I finally turned to YouTube and watched interviews with Terence and Dennis, Joe Rogan's podcasts, and videos from others telling of their experience. After weeks of this I started realizing that I was being too eager and perhaps even selfish. This is not something that one does purely for fun. I don't remember how, but a thought got stuck in my mind: "The universe is not there to teach you. You may learn from it, be inspired from it, but it is not your personal tutor and playmate. It would be selfish for me to expect teachings from it as if I somehow deserved it. I realized I was expecting too much from this would-be experience so I tried calming myself. I made it clear to myself that I might not get anything out if it or something entirely different from what I was hoping for. I was also instructed by my buddy to try and avoid certain foodstuffs. I googled on which food items I should avoid before smoking DMT and I was relieved the diet didn't entirely consist of veggies, no matter how much I like them. Though I wasn't very strict with what I put in my mouth I did avoid some stuff for a couple of days. This was all I could do to prepare. Thinking that this was the only thing I could do to prepare was a preparations in and of itself as this was helping me get into a good headspace where I could let go of control. I didn't know that at the time but then again I had no idea how naive I was being either. It was a beautiful day so we drove to the highest point in the area. It was a granite cliff jutting out of the forest. It was a mildly windy which helped with concealing the noise of the small town bellow. We sat down, smoked weed and admired the view for a while. Then it was time. He showed me the bag, and I expected some white powder. It look more like weed out of a grinder, but denser. It was changa. I still haven't tried anything but changa, so I have no reference, but according to my buddy the feeling is lighter. The colors are lighter and so is the overall experience. We started by smoking small doses for the visuals, and I saw so much! I could write an essay on what I saw. Which is what I'm doing, I guess. My eyes filled up with light. The sea of trees bellow us behaved just like the sea it was. I saw waves rising and falling. I later leaned back into a little dent in the rock which was very comfortable. As if it was weathered with this purpose in mind. The sky was a bit hazy, but still very blue, and there were some clouds which started to form intricate patterns reminiscent to the flower of life. They shifted and multiplied, covering the skies above. When I closed my eyes I saw something very different. I don't know what it was but it seemed to me like something of a mother figure. It was oddly eerie. I remember crying. I took another small puff and tried to explore where I was. Twice I found myself close to something huge in the sense that it was unfathomably important. The first was a gate in a vertical pillar of light. I saw figures, human silhouettes, entering it and entering through it. When I came near it I was brushed off politely but firmly. It hurt my ego because I was being denied entrance to something I sought for. Was I not proving myself somehow? Was I not worthy? I backed off and tried to find a way to make it clear that I wanted this, no matter what I experience past those gates. The second time I found myself lying down. Something was going on by the top of my head but I couldn't see. I tried to look but all I could see was light. It was kind of like a glow, the shadow of the light I couldn't lay my eyes on. It was a straight line continuing from my spine, through my head and onwards. At that time I felt like someone was trying to load my up on an enormous network. The pillar of light was like a data cord and at the same time like an assembly line. Yet, again, I was denied access. But this time I realized it wasn't because of a fault. Something was not ready. I cleared my head of wants and decided to enjoy whatever came to me, trying to remember that what I smoked was not enough for a long trip. The second time was more comical. I think the changa was pulling my leg because I experienced a joke. My friend and I had switched places so that he could relax as I did. As I lay my head back and close my eyes I see a point of light. Moving my head a bit I could make it focus and I remember thinking that might be it. I found myself in a place with valleys, hills and rivers. It could've been a beautiful sight but it wasn't. It was the ugliest thing I've ever seen. Everything was covered with a ghastly motif. It was like in Disney's "Santa's workshop" where they had checkered paint to paint the chess boards with. But instead of checkered paint someone had painted everything with cowboy hats, tiaras, gold stars, toy bows and arrows, pink and yellow colors - it was horrible. I was a bit distressed because I had sought enlightenment and inspiration but here I was being presented with commercial filth! Suddenly, as if a sheet was being pulled away to reveal what was underneath, it vanished, and I was struck with laughter. Imagine if what the psychedelics had to offer was only that. The purpose of life. It tickled me enormously! I kept laughing for 5 minutes straight and I still find myself laughing at it, thinking back. Again, a reminder to not look for something that only happens. The third promenade was very spiritual for me. I've always been fascinated with water. I grew up on an island and later on a coast. The seaside will always be my true home. I took diving lessons and studied marine biology. I've been obsessed with all types of surf sports(though never tried, yet) and the pioneers of big wave surfing. This affinity developed into identifying with the water element. You know, go with the flow, ride the waves, calm waters, the power of a stormy sea; attributes of character. Being a huge superpower buff and an Avatar: The Last Airbender/The Legend of Korra fan had me daydreaming about being a waterbender. My cousin is very similar to me as she identifies with the air element. Silly stuff but you get the gist of the aesthetic. That being said, I visited the clan of air. All I remember is that my consciousness rode the air currents that blew past our cliff and I found myself high in the sky amongst beings of air by their home's gates. They didn't have a defined form but I remember them towering over me. Long beings that made the light shimmer through them. Assertive but not aggressively so. Kind and curious. When I came back I had to tell my friend. I then concentrated on the deep beats of the music we had going. I stared at the rock I sat on as I listened. I felt my consciousness delve deeper and deeper into the earth where I found myself looking at marching beings. I didn't have the chance of observing them before the big guy caught my eye. It looked like he was the one they were marching for. I say "he" because he looked like Ganesha, the Hindu god, elephant head and all. His trunk was made out of squares, big at the base and gradually getting smaller towards its tip. As I looked at him sitting there cross-legged his trunk started spiraling in the Fibonacci sequence. [I just googled on Ganesha and found this on wikipedia: "As the god of beginnings, he is honored at the start of rituals and ceremonies.". Appropriate, isn't it?] After this I decided on a last toke before we chilled with some weed. As I was looking at the ashes in the glass pipe I started lighting what was left. The white ash made me think that the smoke would be very hot and harsh. I inhaled and to my relief and surprise(I don't know why I was so surprised) it didn't hurt a bit. When I exhaled I was stricken with guilt because as I axhaled this small being of smoke rushed out of me. Thinking I had inhaled this little guy I apologized sincerely and thanked it for not hurting my throat, but it ran away. I didn't blame it, as I just had inhaled it. I remember thinking it seemed shy, curious and childlike. I don't remember where this fits in this chronological order. I was at the end of something. It was an endless wall and I was looking through it like glass. Beyond it was a chasm as endless as the wall I was a part of, facing another wall equally as vast. A figure approached from the other side. We were two paintings on opposite walls looking at each other. It had had human form and wings, I don't remember how many sets. The walls edged closer to each other and many more beings appeared on both walls, facing their opposite. Everyone was lit from behind and the walls we were in were giving off hues of blue and red. Blue, I think, from my side and red from the other. Doing psychedelics can be a beautiful experience. It can show you many wonderful things. Some might give meaning in life and others are just aesthetically beautiful. Though, one does not necessarily exclude the other. After having my experiences I tend to stare at them in my mind's eye for inspiration. Again, I do not seek meaning. I let meaning find me while I admire the beauty in my adventures. DMT - the deep end I prepared myself mentally and was ready for the big journey. Immediately after the first puff I started feeling it. I held it for 5-10 seconds. It seemed like the taste of changa changed with every toke. It kind of felt like that tingling sensation in your gut when you're exited, but throughout the whole body. I then took the second. Moving my hands was not easy at that point but I forced them to move, take the third hit and then lay myself down in the comfy dimple in the rock, my arms stretched to my sides. I don't remember the order of everything that transpired but there was a sequence to it. And there were two happenings, I think, transpiring parallel to each other but I can't be sure. At one point I stopped having a body and floated up through the pillar of light I saw before and entered the port. I was lying on grass, my arms outstretched. I tried to move but couldn't so instead I observed what was around me, just taking it all in. Vast, rolling grasslands. Up above was something that looked like a glass dome. The sky was light blue yet I could still see the darkness of space behind. At this point I was in shock. There was so much to take in. Passed the dome I saw winged, statuesque creatures. They had four faces that reminded me of Buddha statues and many sets of arms not unlike Kali. They seemed like living statues, full of life yet made of stone, or was it wood? One approached the dome above. It was huge! It approached head first as if to take a better look at me. I let out a "woah" and it makes a sound. It made the sound both before and after I made my sound. The concept of succession as well as time was none-existent. I titter and it too makes a similar sound. Its sounds were deep, strong vibrations shaking everything around me. It was a combination of infrasonic sound waves and the "bwaaa" sound in Inception but its uttering was like speech. I've heard stories of people being taught how to "speak" by machine elves as well as from my friend. I remembered that and started making sounds. Simple utterances like "ooh" and "woom" as I was still in awe at what was happening. Then I started making longer sounds. I started by humming and proceeded with opening my mouth slowly. The gentle giant did so as well. The glass dome above started resonating with us and I remember the vague visual of the sounds of my statuesque friend materializing into pointed fractals trying to pierce through the dome. It was then I think, that I suddenly rose up and took a fourth hit on the pipe. I think. This was incorporated very strangely into my trip, but I'll come back to that later. While I was on the grass I went through all kinds of emotional states. Amazement and dumbfounded admiration of everything were the predominant states. As I remember it there were three stages to my excursion. A stage of mania, a stage of introspection and a stage of cosmic fractal equation presentation. As I said, I was on the ground. I always was when not on the third stage. Several times I realized that this was for my own good. I was restrained but wasn't held there by force. I tried to move at first but there was little to no give. The sensation was warm and loving like when a loving figure asks you to look at them in the eye as they try to explain to you why it is important to accept whatever was happening. When you have a fever you stay in bed. Again I don't remember the exact order of minor events but this was the first stage. I was there three times as this journey was something of a loop. I remember cringing because my friend was there, by my feet, and by doing so I could crop him out from my lower field of vision. I was told I had my eyes open some of the time. We had some music going, my buddy acting as DJ. There were two songs that played a huge role in what happened. I started hearing a sort of chant increase in volume and clarity. It consisted of six syllables but I couldn't make out what was being said. I also heard a sigh of relief and I reciprocated that, breathing in the fresh air of this distant place I found myself at. I was struck with this unfettered sense of wonder! Big parts of my life flashed through my head and everything that led up to that point. My life is not an extraordinary one yet it still led up to my smoking DMT. I was so grateful. At that exact point my friend spoke. I had no distinction between the carnal world and the DMT world at this time. Everything was one big wonderful coherent cacophony. He spoke the words "fashion victim". My thoughts were, why would he say this? Immediately the chant became clear and I heard the word "It is not what you thought.". A laugh began its way out of my stomach. This changa had a way of pulling my leg it seems. A scenario played out in my mind where my friend visited me from a future trip of his own to say those words so that I could tell him this so that he could do this, and complete the circle. It was a wonderful joke. I understand it might not translate well now but I laughed loud and hysterical. The crazed laugh became a shout. I yelled as hard as I could and relished in the wonderful world I was at. I started crying. I felt bliss, sorrow, mania. I felt love. It was a fever of emotions. I was at a difficult place in my life, dark and tiresome. I was genuinely grateful for being alive long enough to experience this. I was grateful to be held down, to receive this much attention. When I had calmed down I looked up at the beautiful blue sky. There were no clouds except for one. It looked as if it was drawn upon the sky, white lines on blue. It shifted as clouds do but a bit faster. It shifted back and forth into the heads of a water buffalo, a snake and a lion. The lion's head was the most prominent and frequent. As I was staring up at it the lion's head slowly opened its mouth. The detail was amazing. It was slightly to the left of me, looking away. As I was looking at it I found myself willing it to loom closer and look at me. We locked eyes and the head turned towards me. As it positioned itself directly above me I could see into its mouth. The circles in its mouth. Circles? Above the head where more stacked on top of each other, their cloud-lines becoming increasingly hazy further up the line. Together they formed a tunnel, or pillar, or both. As the head centered itself above me I was staring right into the tunnel. WHOOM! I was gone. Fractals of fantastic forms and colors. I cannot begin to describe it. I will not begin to describe it. There is no point to it because as I am now, even though I was there, I can't make sense of it. But it truly was beautiful. This, I think, is where I would open my eyes. I turned to my left and looked at the setting sun sinking towards a bank of clouds. I don't know how many times I looked but as I did I followed the sun's and the clouds' movements. This was the stage of introspection. As I watched, a story played out. Everything I saw had a poetic meaning it seemed. The clouds were the body of a being. The sun pierced its body and reemerged behind it. Or perhaps it was stored inside its body. I felt envious. To have such potential stored inside of oneself. Here is where the event of the fourth toke comes in. It was like a cut scene into an action movie. An agent was running around a factory, fighting off other people. He was trying to get to a control room. After some running about he comes to a control room overlooking an enormous enclosure. He had to push the button. He raised his right arm and brought it down, full speed. As he did so I zoomed out and found myself sitting up with pipe and lighter in hand. I was trembling and doubting myself. I kept thinking "You can do this! You have to do this! Be brave! Fight for it! Fight!", and I light the pipe. WHOOM! I was back on the grass. I was still not able to get up but I was not concerned about it. It was in that stage that my mind had the time to let its imagination run free. A time to explore. I had to force myself a couple of times not to think within the social construct of our societies and their lacking definitions when I observed my surroundings. I found it a bit difficult but not impossible. This was where I would make sounds and observed the effects it had on my surroundings. I don't know why, but as I was not able to see my legs I thought of what might be there. I imagined another top part of myself. We were like conjoined twins. Our arms moved to the beat of the music and our hands made athetoid movements, forming strange mudras. I have this tendency to move my jaw around and make my teeth click to the beat of music. While I was on the grass I thought that was what I was doing. I was biting down rhythmically. This happened at least two times. Prior to these events I would find myself thinking I was back, the trip was over. The rhythm increased gradually. My mouth was like one of those windup toys. The frequency increased until my mouth was vibrating uncontrollably at incredible speeds, and then it stretched open. I opened my mouth as far is it could go and then even further. I was peeling at the mouth like petals of a flower opening. The lion's head comes into sight. I fly into cosmic delirium. I look at the sunset. This time the being with the potential is inside a cage. It looks to be of glass. On the other side of it another being appears. Its face shifting from animal to animal. Many scenarios play out in my mind as the bank of clouds edges towards me but there was no sense to it. Not everything happens to give oneself meaning. As the clouds move over me I assume the perspective of the cloud being. Who am I staring at? Is there someone there or is this merely a reflection? My mind goes to the potential that rivals the sun's. Is this mine? Who is this? Cutscene. Pipe in left hand and lighter in right. "I've done this before. I can do it again. Do it again!" WHOOM! Grasslands and mudras. Lions' heads and cosmic exuberance. The clouds disperse. Toke. My friend tells me 20 minutes have passed. My eyes fly open and I find myself in my body again. The sky was the bluest blue. I could see structures supporting it. Domed like the ceiling of a church. The winged statuesque beings could be seen in the distance. As I turned to look at my friend I noticed one such being was positioned so that it looked like it was behind and slightly above him. Whenever my friend moved the being did so too in slow, calculated movements. I couldn't speak for a while. When I did I remembered what I went through and felt a bit embarrassed. I had to ask so I said "Uhm... Was I yelling?". He said yes. I was dismayed! How long was I shouting for? "No, I'm joking. You didn't yell.", he says. That was even more shocking. It felt so real and physical. I felt my throat straining as I yelled until my lungs emptied. Well, did I cry? Apparently no, I did not. When I opened my eyes I felt the thin salty crusts on the temples of my head. I didn't bawl my eyes out but it is possible that tears streamed while I was away. I was relieved I didn't yell or ugly-cry and, at the same time, I was astounded that I had. When I regained my speech I tried recalling what had transpired and relayed it to my buddy. I told him about him saying fashion victim and my scenarios of him traveling though the cosmos to say them to me. He was silent while I talked so I was starting to think that this is what happened and got excited. Alas, he actually said those words. He just said the title of the song that was playing. Man, changa is such a joker! I can't know this for sure but for how long would I have been away, hadn't my friend told me that 20 minutes passed? I still wonder how many loops I could've gone through. [I've smoked of that changa once more during the following autumn, but there's not much I would want to share from that except for a small parts. I had lapse of depression and for a couple of months I tried to overcome it until I decided to smoke the changa I had. I'm glad I did.] [I think I could have my eyes open and not disrupt the trip I was having because there wasn't any reason to. Everything about that moment - the time, the place - and everything that led up to that moment did so to the point of perfection. I don't think it was meant to be, or maybe it was, I'm not sure. I think it was simpler than that. I was extremely lucky. It's as if I was resonating with the flow of whatever abstract force that was. Everything just fit together.]
I came across Monument by Robyn & Röyksopp a couple of months ago and was blown away by how DMT-trippy it is.
i skimmed because it was long. DMT is wonderful. now you need to do an extraction. extracting DMT is a lot of work, but you get close to the plant, and really interact with the DMT through every step of the process. sometimes smoking dmt it is impossible to tell if your eyes are open or closed. then you realize that you exist and wonder how exactly you got to that state.
I enjoyed reading that lazmo. It's fascinating you experienced the eastern religious archetypes and those motifs. Sounds fascinating, particularly Ganesha's trunk unfolding in a fibonnaci sequence patterning. There is a sense where the DMT realm is as or more real than the "real world." I find it interesting how in some parts, the worlds you described seemed to overlap into flowing union. I don't recall trying to speak on DMT but those utterances sound fascinating with the subsequent waves and ripples they manifest in the experience, maybe I'll try that if I come across DMT again. Changa tends to be a bit lighter feeling and unfolds a bit more gracefully then DMT freebase ime... Some DMT purists suggest smoking weed before the trip, slightly muddles up the experience... I didn't get that impression really from your descriptions, perhaps aside from some of the joker elements in the trip but if you smoke straight DMT, you may want to consider going in sober.
