My fiancé is bi. I've known for as long as we have been dating. He wants to get married because we have been dating for two years. I have one major reservation about it because he also has a man friend that he sees a few times a year. His friend is very nice; I have met him and his wife. . . Basically, their arrangement is such that they never tell anyone and never tell their kids. My fiancé and this guy go on two long weekend trips per year and I figure they probably do it... I never ask. What do you think? I didn't mind when we were dating but we're getting married now. I feel like it's just scary.
I am not opposed to being with him under these circumstances. His friend's really nice and it doesn't bother me if they're doing it a few times a year. As time goes on I am not sure how we'll handle things. For example, will we ever tell our kids, if we have them? What will happen if his friend stops doing this and he wants someone else?
Seems to me that just as ones' partners to be have 'a past' - the key I feel is that there is no secrecy to what was/is - and possibly be. The choice one has for longevity of relationship is such honesty - so with a heart to heart on what you feel about the matter to your lover, and the response one gets should point the way (/or not) of your future together (either united or BF with benefits)
Well, are you personally monogamous? Is it a requirement in a spouse? Are you happy with don't ask, don't tell? Will you be in 15 years? Ask your sweetie to really think it through. Is he willing to forsake all others, even past lovers, for you to be secure?
I'd keep the kids out of it. Theres really no need for the kids to know anything about parent's sexual relations. At least thats how I feel. Probably would be just fine to see these two guys just as two adult buddies. No problem there. Considering your ok with them doing it once in awhile. But if your going to be upset if he moves on to other women or other people period you better let it be known somehow, some way before it happens. Never hide things like that. Dont be confused on wether or not your "ok" with something, you either like it or you dont like it. The more you sit there and try to figure out wether or not it bugs you rather than just going by your gut feelings the tougher the relationship is going to be.
My guy just got back from a trip with his friend. We chatted about how this will be once we're married and agreed on a few rules. 1. No anal without protection. 2. No sex in our bed but with me. 3. We never discuss with each other or anyone else what happens in that bed when they go off together. He's been seeing this guy secretly for many year and I know he feels very good when he goes with him. I do like his friend and feel like if my guy likes him why not do it! We're very set on being together and my fiancé and his friend really like living as "straight men." I can't see them running off together or they would have. They've been physical for a decade.
Is he ok with YOU having another sexual partner (either male or female?) If he is not, then I would drop him.
This really all depends on what YOU want. If you are not in any way comfortable with this then by all means don't get married. I guess my question for you is you've been dating this guy for the last couple years. In that time has he gotten together with his buddy that you know of or are you choosing to ignore the topic? If you haven't had a problem with it so far and it's been going on then I guess what's the difference far as being married? Some people are okay with open ended marriages and I would certainly consider this an open ended relationship at least on his end. Whether or not this is okay with you again is up to you. Granted you can't tell him what to do or not to do but you can certainly not stay with him if he doesn't want to fully give up this other life and marriage IMO is making the commitment to only be with that one person whom you are marrying...
