Feeling Unsatisfied - Very Frustrated

My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years.

We have a baby girl together - the sex before she was pregnant was amazing. I'm her first so I helped her learn and experiment freely however she has wanted and it was always fun.

I am always horny - I can go and go and go, she gets tired from jerking me off for 5 minutes and always orgasms within the first 4 to 6 minutes and it usually stops with me being blue-balled because it's hard for her to handle the 35 to 60 minute sessions not including the 5 to 10 minutes of foreplay and being eaten out which usually gets her body sore as well.

The sex during pregnancy was amazing too, slow and never too rough. A lot of wax lotions and other things that were fun which I could use to convince her to let me finish - most times I had to finish myself off or just give up on it entirely. It left me very frustrated and tired mentally - working all the time to pay bills and keep everything going. I appreciate her and I love her, she stays home with our daughter and takes care of the apartment sometimes but on my end I don't feel appreciated or satisfied and I have told her all of this and nothing changes. I'm lucky to get head 1-2 times a week let alone sex and the head ends up leaving me blue-balled too.

It has gotten to the point where I have had to purchase a fake ass and vagina toy - I didn't want to waste money on it. My hands are callused to the point where it hurts so I needed something.

I feel bad - because I make her feel bad. It is hard to not be upset when you go a month or 2 without being able to really climax from sex and when you do it has to be forced because she gives up.

It messes with my head - the sex now after pregnancy is terrible. She hardly wants me and I have to bug her about it until she caves. She doesn't pursue me - or her toys or anything and if she is bugged she just makes the situation seem more like she feels like she has too not like she wants too.


I used to have sex all the time - parties, multiple people, one-nights, sneaking out for some and a part of me misses all of it.

I'm not huge - only 7 inches - it doesn't rip her open and that isn't what she wants. Which is another issue I pursue her fantasies and I want to please her but she isn't verbal.

Please Help

 

Have fun with your toy.

 

may I translate?

I didn't use a condom and now I am stuck with a baby and a woman with zero sex drive


Don't be so goddamned selfish....put your dick away and pick up that baby

 

Really, it isn't hard not to be upset. Embracing anger and frustration is a poor choice, and it is the choice you are making. Your expectations for the behavior of another person, your girlfriend, are unrealistic. It isn't her behavior that is frustrating you, but rather your own unrealistic expectations. You need to dial-down your expectations for her participation in sex. You will be much happier and more satisfied.

Time and a baby change things between two people? Congratulations. You're learning a lesson that should have been obvious to you before you even began dating, dating her or anyone else.

You made a baby together. It's past time to be responsible and mature. I don't mean your girlfriend or the baby. I mean you. You have yet to accept your new responsibilities and to re-prioritize accordingly.

If you are concerned about her verbal skills, buy her a book. Reading builds verbal skills. She'll either read it or she won't. Better still, ask a trusted loved-one to sit with the baby one night per week, and take a class to learn a new language together. Pick the language together. Learning a new language is also an excellent way for her to develop her verbal skills. Your participation and practice outside class will also give you and her one more thing in common to talk about together, and your own verbal skills will improve as well.

Bottom line - most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. You are the agent of your own happiness, and unhappiness.

 

A lot of men feel this way after their first kid...you feel since she is your partner that she owes you sex....she does not.

Pleasing you used to be first in her world, now it’s the baby.

the best way to get through this is life goes back to the way it was when you first met...you need to earn it. For the next few weeks do nice things and dont expect sex in return, such as...bring her home her favorite take out when coming home from work, go do things with her and the kid (coffee shop, museum, whatever), come home from work and ask if you can watch the baby so she can get away. Do this and you will both be happier and lead to a more solid relationship (and yes more sex).

good luck!

 

jimT11 - I tried all that stuff - I've done EVERYTHING ……… cooking, kids, flowers for no real reason, candles & champagne for her while soaking in tubs of scented bubble bath, massages, romantic cards & notes, opening doors for her, taking her out for dinners, getting her out with friends - none of that kept her interested in me sexually for a good number of years. Being a nice guy doesn't always work

 

maybe ask her ''why''

 

Send her on holiday for a week or two.
Stay at home with your kid.

see how fucking horny you are after that.

Then apologise for being a knob.

 

Hard to want to bang when you haven't slept more than 3 hours in a row for 6 months and your hair always sort of smells like sour milk from being puked all over constantly.

Also, it isn't her fault that you jerk off so much that you can't cum from sex.

 

Ah, yes. The "nice guy" approach. Do a bunch of nice things and then complain when she doesn't give you the sex you so clearly deserve.

 

Have you recently had a kid?

 

I've been there. No kid but a wife who didn't want to have sex with me for about 4 years. On the rare occasions that we did it she just lay there and I did all the work. I was Mr Nice Guy cooking and cleaning and never complaining. I tried talking about it with her so many times but nothing changed. On the one hand I agree that you can be as happy as you choose to be but I also know the frustration. I learned to live without sex. Life's way better with it but there's still plenty of joy to be found in life without it. What bothers me most is how men these days are expected to be Prince Charming - endlessly kind, loving and patient and women can be as selfish as they want and if you have a problem with it you're the bad guy - it's total BS. Unfortunately all that stuff about you can't change anyone else only yourself is inescapable and your kid needs a dad so do what I did and stay. There are more important things in life than your happiness I'm afraid. I hope she snaps out of it and realises how important sex is to you as I hope my wife some day does too. In the meantime be strong - I hope seeing your baby smile makes it worth it.

 

So how old is the baby???

Swap roles, she can go to work and you do everything she does, the last thing you’d want is sex., especially on fuck all hours sleep around the clock.

And 2 - now that the baby is here you’re no longer priority #1. You’re #3. After the baby then herself.

 

2 years minus 9 months.... oldest could be 14 months...


I should tell my 2 ex wives thank you for the post kid sex...although I was always thankful back then

 

Jeezuuuuuuuuus!

if you expect that one good turn deserves another.....maybe you don’t need a partner.

I made dinner....fuck me.
I bought you flowers.....fuck me
I (expenditure of time/money)......fuck me.

you need a fucking brothel. On speed dial.

catch herpes.

perhaps your partner doesn’t give you sex because you objectified her.
She is just, Your “tool” for your tool.

that person is busting her arse for your nipper.

my ex was bed bound for two weeks post birth.
I did the round the clock feed thing, and looked after her, I needed help during the daytime for things like meals for us both, her mother did this to ensure we lived. Bed bath for mummy who couldn’t move and was crying out it agony most of the first week......it was hell, it was hard.
Believe me, the last thing on my mind was a bit of Coochie coo. Peace and quiet and a cuddle was bliss enough.

I was happy as fuck about going back to work!
(At the time I was a glazier)
Running glass up stairs (sheet size typically was 1150-1200mm width and 2000-3000mm height) usually a job was 30-60 sheets and you had 3-7 tickets per day for 12-16 hours.

some days it worked out I walked up the Empire State Building with one sheet and back down again.

that was easier than a baby.

so man up bitches.
Grow a pair.
Treat the mother of your child with the respect she deserves.

 

Mate maybe stop having sex all the time.
Instead of having sex look at other options to deal with that horny issue of yours.
Your partner is non verbal.
She has a disabilty.
You are forcing her to have sex with you when she doesn't want it.

Treat your other half with respect.
Plan your life together.
Don't look at just the sex side of it.
Look at the respect side of it.

 

Dude, listen to yourself though

You had to do what the mother normally had to do for a whole two weeks, I assume because she had a natural birth and got a nasty tear....and as well as that you had another person to take care of, the mother herself.

Then you went back to work, and she was watching over the kid 24/7 365 days until the kid starts school

And you are talking about your ex anyway. Why is she your ex, all the ladies will just assume it's because she got old and fat anyway.

Sounds like I'm attacking you, but seriously, doesn't all that stuff ever register with you guys.

Very very rare is a male that knows what it is to be almost solely responsible for a child 24/7/365 from birth to 5 years

 

The lack of breasts makes it difficult to share the workload equally in the first year or so.

 

Eggsprog has no clue. Please read on.

Ladies.......Assume what you like.

Here’s my story.

She didn’t breast feed because she couldn’t produce enough milk. So.... the workload I guess was pretty even huh! Why is it assumed all women produce sufficient milk to sustain a baby? This is not the case at all. Have a look at that please. Our child would have died of starvation if natural mother only breast milk was the only option.

we split up because nanny (ex mum) thought our relationship was dead in the water. Then she tried to put me in prison. And she tried to offer me a get out clause, don’t seek legal for access and we will not seek legal for child maintenance. I had a chance to walk away Scott free! Lucky me you might be thinking.
There is a whole lot more, dark and sinister moves that have been played by what I now refer to as the respondent party. But that’s all you need to know, except, I have been subject to bucket loads of lies and a story which at best is laughable. The things I’ve reported have been literally laughed at by the local police force, they cannot work out why some things have taken place......but that all you’re getting!

So actually we were doing perfectly fine until the interfering old bag put so much pressure on my ex she could no longer cope, she decided she could only make one person happy. It wasn’t me. Her mum was always there! So she picked her mum.

now I’m in court fighting to see my daughter.
Which I haven’t seen for six months. And I will spend every ounce of energy making sure my child gets her rights to both parents families. I had my first hearing yesterday.

those are the facts.

I would give all I have to spend every minute with my baby girl but society it seems dictates who does what....... dads it seems work, mums automatically become primary carers, the legal system favours the primary carer, unless you’re prepared to pay.


Welcome to the world.

and no, baby went to nursery after maternity leave finished for mummy, I had her saturdays as mum worked this day.
I got fully involved with as much as I could. Because that’s MY KID TOO.
So mummy actually only had baby for 3 days a week by herself. (Monday through Wednesday)
Thursday through Saturday she was working, so baby was in nursery or with me.
Sunday most of the time, it was team work.

how does that affect things?

it is also very very rare that a women finds herself totally alone caring for a baby 24/7/365
That is a rare thing indeed.
Most people have family that chip in somehow, parents/siblings/friends.

How many mothers are actually truly fully alone in that respect, with zero influence/assistance.

a small percentage.