Family & Childhood

The Holidays have brought out a lot of discussion of family ties and traditions, made me want to make a thread about it.

What is/was your family and childhood like? How did you grow up? Do you remain close or distant to your family? What are some things that you will do that your parents did, and what are some missteps that you would try and avoid?

 

My family was constantly fighting and crying. My dad was an alcoholic, died of cirrhosis a few years ago. My mom was an under-the-table alcoholic. I grew up fairly happy, though. I was just a bubbly child, running amok. Even at four years old, I wasn't really looked after and would go about on my own, run around the trailer park. My sisters now live a long ways away. I don't really have the opportunity to do the things my parents did, because my upbringing left me cold and alone. I don't know how to see relationships properly. I have a hard time trusting people even a long time after I've gotten to know them, if ever. Constantly walking on eggshells and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Always expecting a fight, for people to just suddenly explode and abandon me. Didn't have a good role model in my father. By the time he died, the house we were living was a complete wreck. He wouldn't do anything but sit on his butt and drink and be pissed off about something. I forgive them both. It's like, you have to accept that your parents are a part of you somehow. There are good and bad things about everyone, which is a hard thing to say about my dad, because he was totally self-absorbed, didn't seem to care about anyone except for as far as how they suited his image. Fought with my mother constantly. Just belittling her, calling her fatass and stupid. And it wasn't like, you'd get a break. You just knew that every day there would be a fight. And my mom was this totally naive, guileless person who could never quite grasp that it wasn't right.

She died a month before he did. But it was kind of suspicious, because he was dying, and was such a control freak... My aunts thought he killed her. He used to say to her, "I could kill you and no one would ever know." So, I don't know. But he did, in effect kill her, emotionally first and physically, because that kind of stress...really it was awful stress on her...must have been terrible for her health. She was, like, preparing for death years before she actually died. Trying to give all her stuff away.

I've tried so hard to avoid being like my father, but I've come to realize later that, even early on, people were against me simply because he was my father and I was the next in line. Like he and I were a part of some rotten club just because I was his son. And when you're poor and from a broken home, sometimes you just don't have the opportunities that others have. So I try not to be bitter. And I'd say I do a pretty good job. I'm in physical pain a lot of the time from the stress of my youth. It did something to me on a physical level, and I know because I can feel it. It's like this pressure of paranoia and indecision in the back of my head. Not like an imaginary thing, but I can feel it in my skull. We didn't really have any traditions as such. If I had a family of my own...well, I'm not sure I'm responsible enough to handle that.

 

I grew up by a creek...

That's the extent I'm willing to share openly, bad vibes recently.

 

Sorry : /
Your story brought this song to mind.

 

My mom's side of the family was/is pretty amazing. She had these 4 beautiful aunts who were all really intelligent and strong and good humored. And all but one, along with an uncle, shared hundreds of acres of land. My mom's dad deeded his part of the land to my mom and 2 of her siblings, my dad built a house on it but ended up selling it because I guess they didnt want to live on the family commune

Anyways the land is beautiful, with acres of rolling green fields and a dirt road and a creek on the back of the property. I spent so many long summer days at my great aunts house with my cousins, who were all girls and all around the same age. We would play in the fields and the creek all day. It was such an idyllic piece of my childhood.

I've been thinking about her family a lot lately. My great aunt hosted Christmas Eve at her house for our large extended family every year since 1968 until she died 3 years ago. So Christmas is really weird for me now, weird for my whole family. We're all sort of at a loss on Christmas Eve.

All the great aunts have passed away...and my mom's parents are gone. Only a great uncle remains from that generation.

The land is still there and mostly belongs to distant cousins now. I've been meaning to go and walk down the dirt road and let my son play in the creek.

Anyways thats just a piece of my childhood but its by far my favorite piece

 

Sorry that you went through this @neonspectraltoast. No child should have to suffer through a childhood like that.

For what it's worth, I think you deserved something better

 

Everyone should have a childhood creek

 

My Mum and Dad met at a party in Chelsea in 1969. When they had me they moved into a thatched cottage with stone floors and we bathed in a tin tub. The rest is history.

 

Isn't that the truth. What is it about little kids and being drawn like a magnet to bodies of water?

 

Recollections of the amniotic sack.

 

Proust?

 

The deadly risk?

 

I don't know but:

 

*sac*

 

Heh Proust and his madeleine seem perfect for thread topic.

 

I

I read three and a half volumes. The fourth volume is still on my shelf, page turned down. I feel like I could dive back in any time, but it never seems like that time. Time regained, a la recherche du temps perdu. Merde.

 

I only read the first one (mandatory in high school), and to be honest - I struggled with it.

 

I believe it IS a great work. I really got something from it. And I would like to find out the conclusion.

But Madeleine?

I believe that was a hidden metaphor for a saucy little tart.

 

you're supposed to outgrow that?

 

Kids will just crouch down by a puddle for hours. I don't know if they're stupid or what it is.