She knew I was bi before we got married. We did swing with "straight" couples, but one time, she and I did share a dick together, and it was like communion for me (her being part of it too) but it meant and did nothing for her. But over the decades her libido has changed from that woman who drove an hour by herself to meet the first couple we would swap with, to hallmark/church lady/vanilla sex. After decades of begging for certain things(i.e., strap-on, us both sucking cock together again) and her having no interest, I had to at least tell her at 60, my bi side and time are colliding, and I'm going for it and looking for a guy on the side. I love my wife, but there is very little sex, and very little good or exciting sex anymore. Not falling out of love, but don't want to hold up my own sexual happiness, nor hold her responsible for it if she has no interest. She has known I like dick for decades and simply either tried to cockblock, wish, or pray it away. Not falling out of love, but definately falling sexually apart.
Sadly it's not uncommon. Like you my wife knew I was bi before marrying...and after around ten years married we experimented with both a swinging club and also a regular three with another bi guy for five months. I believe she was scared by the feelings she unleashed, especially as she found watching two guys together a big turn on. We then had an open marriage for eight years which I made good use of but her little; in the end she had a problem with the amount of guys I met and we separated. I wish you good luck and hope your wife can be both understanding and supportive. Simon
It's always a sad thing when a marriage change... seems all too common. I've known more women who change over time but say it is their man who changed, who was hungry for sex, and even say "all he ever thinks about", as it that's a bad thing. I'm sorry to lay this at your feet, but for me - the first thing was realizing after several years of less and less frequency, that my wife and I were sexually falling apart... after talking, even going to counseling, and then her demand that I remain monogamous (also known as celibate) I fell fell out of love with her. I honestly told her "I love you, but I am no longer in love with you." I have wished I hadn't said that, but it was true and it was painful. I do still love her but it is because she is my children's mother and grandmother... To me, it seems grossly unfair that a woman sees a man's desire for sex, either with only her or with others, as a bad thing and a thing that can be dismissed or ignored and blaming as an obsession or worse. Many men suffer in silence, grow fat or drink too much... and put up with the rules of life and remain a husband in name only - and she will cry at his funeral. It sucks It goes against societal norms to break away later in life, and go live your own life, too. Seems to me there should be some compromises. I have somewhat of a compromise that is working so far - but I also know it will only work for as long as we both want it to. We live our lives completely independently of one another unless the family comes around - and luckily we get along well enough - but I am not in love with her, and it is at times less than satisfactory as far as I am concerned. Sex is one thing but to be loved and cared for, to be affectionate and emotionally supported is another.
My wife has no idea that i like to have sex with men and would divorce me in a heartbeat if she knew. We love each other but she has very little interest in sex. So if I’m going to have any sexual enjoyment at all it’s going to be in secrete unfortunately. It’s either that or none at all. I dont like going behind her for it but feel I have no other choice.
Really in every other regard we are great together. And if she isn’t feeling it I get it, its tough to manufacture desires you don't have. And it’s also no fun having sex with someone who isn’t into it. Again it’s not the best solution I suppose but it is what life deals us. In contrast the man I meet with can’t wait to get naked with me. He talks about wanting me sexually and matches my desire with his. Its hard to not want that, and harder to resist when its available.
I'm the same but with a promise to live up to, but no children, just one with my ex, who I still have affection for but could never live with. My present wife I just put up with and share our possessions and I fell I'm too old (69) to move on and abandon her. Sex desire does not exist with her. Always it's a pity play session to get me off. She can't even express what she likes sexually. She doesn't ever think about it. Here I am hung out to dry on my own promise to love her till death us do part, etc.
I sometimes think it's better to be discreet and scratch that itch rather than be miserable. If you can find what your after in private it should not have to cause everything else to crash if you can work with it
She'd let me get a casual male friend for oral play. I've given this a real good try. The decent moderate ones are rare I feel.
It might be satisfactory to scratch that itch on the down-low in order to keep the marriage in place and to eliminate being alone in your older years... there's much to consider. I've learned that I have a need for more than just sex, more than just an orgasm - I also need a connection, affection, and someone who wants to enjoy the same things I like doing, and vice versa... and when the marriage - after almost 40 years together and so many knots and kinks in the ties that binds - changes, it becomes difficult to decide. Men live in silent frustration, I fear... substituting these brief moments of pleasure. We wonder if this is what life is supposed to be? Is that all there is? I have to give credit to the men who can figure it out and go forward in confidence.
Yes, trying to figure out what to do with this frustration and being unable to solve this, has led to my long-standing depression. The marriage is still together only because neither can face the prospect of old age alone. No I don't think life is supposed to be like this, but society has made it so I think. It certainly isn't all there is but getting my share is the hard part.
I understand... I've been through the ringer the last couple of years while I've tried to navigate through our marriage. We've been all over the place on this - almost starting to get a divorce - then backing away) so, now we are in our 9th month of deciding to continue to live together, yet separately. I built an in-law apartment on my house several years ago;first for my mom, and then for my wife's dad... well, now my wife lives in the apartment - I have a bedroom downstairs in the mancave, but I also have the main floor of the house to myself. My adult son lives upstairs in our old master bedroom. So we cohabitate - yet we live separate lives. The only time we are together these days is when our kids and grandkids come over. We do have plans to go to a friends' wedding in a couple weeks - but other than that we live separate, independent lives. Physically, Mentally Emotionally, and most important, financially. The only drawback I see is my freedom to entertain here. But that's OK for now. We don't have a traditional marriage - it's really a marriage on paper - and we do respect each other - but that's about it. We don't have any mutual friends, there are my friends and her friends - our friends seem to have disappeared. When I write about this I realize how strange it is. It is our agreement, though. I don't know her motivation for doing this. Mine is more out of honor and too cheap to pay for a divorce.
I don't want to face divorce and dividing up everything either. It would be hard to get a place for each of us out of the equity in this place. We're moving to a smaller place, so I'll have less freedom than I do now, and that's zero. As long as I have a man space/art studio I'll be happy enough. We respect each other and she tries every few weeks, to pull or suck me a bit, but she clams shut if my dick is anywhere near her. Long standing vaginismus. I had great satisfaction pulling and oral with a male friend but she is only trying a bit out of pity. I try to be imaginative and show her easy positions and fun things to try but it falls on deaf ears. I wish I had my own place but she could not do life on her own. I'm too soft and caring. That's my problem. Venting and chatting on here does help a bit. I'll have to hook up with someone in my situation but moderate bi's, (sides they call them, no anal?) are rare.
You are making hard yet honorable decisions, @FriendlyCock. Decisions I can respect and relate to... I'm glad you have found this forum and use it to vent and chat with others. Feel free to hit me up anytime you need to vent. I'm here quite often and can offer a listening ear
What about anal if her vagina is clamped shut? Or does she have a reason (excuse) for that, too? BTW, having more sex us a treatment for vaginitis, along with using dildos or dialators. I'm in a similar spot, but her having zero interest in sex, period. After the last time, 22 months ago, she said it wouldn't bother her if she never had sex again! It was a 3.5 year drought before that, and many multiple month long stretches before that. You are not alone. Wish none of us had to suffer needlessly.
I cannot imagine a woman who loses interest in sex would agree that anal sex might be a nice alternative to vaginal. I cannot even imagine suggesting it. My wife and I have never been able to have candid discussions about sex or about what we want or enjoy - it was always awkward to bring up the topic with her.
The physics should work and she would enjoy it if she eased it in properly, and I thought about it but the idea horrifies her. I couldn't even rub my come between her butt crack. Too close to the a hole. Treating the vaginismus is the only option. It's psychological. We can do oral a bit, and I masturbate her off. She has a set of dilators she uses and they work fine. She's really private and coy using them and never involves me. So when my cock is there instead, the same diameter, it ain't goin' in. I've had times without any sex lasting absolute years. My first wife was the opposite, wide open, couldn't touch the sidea. We went through a long rough patch and she ran off. Later she told me she would have liked anal because it was naughty and excited her, but she never gave the slightest hint when we were together.
Well that's disappointing Friendly cock. You shoulda be banging your first wife's ass. I'm sure if your wife isn't up for sex offering up her ass is not something she's up for. Having done anal on my wife occasionally I like it and she can like it sometimes. It's not the be all and end all but keeps it interesting. After all we are all a little bit naughty and I think it's the kink or the taboo around anal that turns us on.
I should have married my first girlfriend. We were 20 and she went off like fire crackers. No anal but plenty of everything else. Ahh, 20-20 vision in hindsight. Oh to be with a woman who's a bit naughty and adventurous.
Well, in fairness, our 20s were a whole lot different than our 60s. I am not complaining right now but as I recall, we were all a lot more eager to get some sex when we were that young. It's the difficult part of aging. We didn't think about running out of options back then.
