Falling in love against your will...

Isnt that how it always happens

 

I was just chatting with my girlfriend this morning talking about this. She is someone that I definitely admire and respect for her personal qualities but why do I love her? There are a lot of good people out there - why her? When we chat on cam and I see her I feel really happy and excited to see her. Why her? Love is a mystery.

 

Yes love is a mystery one can't control it. I know a gal who has a boyfriend and the guy is just not good but she loves him and she does any thing
he wants her to do even though she doesn't want to do it...........Isn't love wonderful.................: (

 

Yep, it happens. It’s way better when you want it though because I learned the hard way that your instincts are telling you to “stay away” but you’re in love lol

 

Your one smart lady..................

 

Interesting question. I feel more capable of answering this question than most any other question I’ve seen across these forums.

Now, to preface my ramblings, I’m only 16. I can’t say that I have any real experience with love. I’ve never so much as held hands with a girl. However, there is a girl that I love (yes, a girl that I love-not a girl I think is hot, not a girl that makes me horny-though both of those things are also true), and I was actually quite confused and surprised to realize that I felt how I do.

When I was little, for some reason, I would always flee when my parents tried to discuss the birds and the bees or anything like that. Your classic stupid little boy stuff-kissing is gross, girls are weird, etc. I would talk to girls at my school, but only in my weird autizmo-type way. It was very platonic. I was dead-set that I’d never get married. This attitude was smart in some ways-we all know how long relationships last in pre-high school situations. Kids don’t know how to love-how could they? They barely know how to be humans yet. I viewed the very idea of pursuing romance as immature. I was actually right, for a few years-it would have been stupid and embarrassing if I had tried to establish anything with anyone then.

What was more stupid and embarrassing, however, was that I persisted in this attitude until well into my 15th year of life. Of course, as I got older and (relatively) more mature and my speech and thinking became more developed and eloquent, I could state the things I thought in better terms, but at the end of the day it still boiled down to a cooties mentality. Now, even as I am now, let alone how I was a year ago (which has actually been a rather drastic change if you can believe it), I don’t know that I have the skill set to be in a relationship. I try my best to be respectful and responsible in all scenarios, and I try to carry myself well and have myself and my life put together. But one, the keyword there is “try”, and for two, my interpersonal skills have tended to be lacking as I’ve grown up (mostly due to my own shortcomings and stupid ideas I had as a child).

Now let’s finally get to the good part. I met this girl in Yearbook Production at my school. I walked into the class on the first day of Sophomore Year and didn’t know anybody, so I sat at a table with her and some people she knew. I’ve since grown to consider all of them good friends-and I don’t say that about just anybody. I value each of them very highly, and for a time I considered her just a friend as well. But over time, I began to have thoughts about her- thoughts I wasn’t comfortable with. I couldn’t reconcile my perception of her as my friend for what my mind and body were telling me they wanted to do. Then I realized it wasn’t just those- it was my heart, too. It all came together. And I cursed myself for it.

The thing is, she’s already in a committed relationship. There’s a lot about her and the situation at large that I won’t go into detail about, for the sake of privacy and out of respect for her, but long story short, she’s been with this guy for years and it sounds like he doesn’t treat her well. I’ve discovered a lot about the situation indirectly by casually asking people I know or people who know her about the guy, because of course when I was regularly able to talk to her I just kind of made polite conversation when the topic of her boyfriend came up. I hadn’t come to terms with how I felt yet, so it wasn’t anything to me but an interesting fact about her.

It seems like he is manipulating her and cutting lots of male friends out of her life. He has at one point left her for 2 years. I believe she’s being willfully blind about his treatment of her, because (as best as I can tell) she sees him as a source of value. I have continued to try and be a friend to her even though we haven’t had any classes together since yearbook.

Much of what I “know” about this situation is conjecture or speculation on my part, but I wouldn’t say any of these things if I hadn’t thought of them extensively.

Now, I said ALL that just to say that the only girl I’ve ever loved:

1. Has a boyfriend
2. Sees me as a lighter-end friend, at best (I’ve only known her about a year and have not been terribly involved in her life)
3. Doesn’t have as good of an impression on me as I’d like because much of my recent self-improvement has been driven and inspired by her own diligence, work ethic, and intelligence

And, overall,
4. Will almost definitely never even be available for me to pursue, let alone want me if she was

And this all happened to a guy who spent 15 out of the almost-17 years of his life believing that he would never even want to find a girl or get married. Now I can’t get this girl off my mind, and I want nothing more than to live a happy life with her and do everything in my power to help her live well and achieve her vast potential. I can’t think of anything else I particularly care to do with my life anymore.

 

I've heard this also a few times in my life from others who seemingly fell in love unexpectedly. Although there's many ways this can manifest itself without warning, my most memorable couple who said this was at a party I was at years back where the women were sitting around the table with a hot ass blond gal and a big black dude. The blond was trying to explain to the curious women how they'd been friends and known each other awhile before he asked if she'd like to go to dinner with him. No details were furnished but the picture was clear how it happened between them. After the dinner came a couple drinks then back to his place for a nightcap. Her beautiful long legs opened for his massive black mancock that was so mesmerizing to her because it was the first she'd seen up close and it's size was such that she was hypnotized by him when he climbed over top of her and she saw it disappear, soon to feel the massive head push inside her blond pussy and he wrecked her. It was true love at that point.

 

She's either advertising or showing off her newest oral abilities.

 

A wise woman once told me that there's nothing you can do about the way you feel and that you can only do something about how you might act on those feelings and you really don't have to do anything other than accept that this is how you feel... and whether you wanted to feel this way or not. This same woman and I fell in love with each other and neither of us were trying to allow that to happen since we were both married; I had permission but she didn't and it was complicated; we resisted and we utterly failed to not fall in love with each other and take it to the next step, which we knew was going to happen even though we didn't want it to.

Sometimes, resistance is futile...

 

After being in four long-term relationships, the one that affected me the deepest just happened. Neither of us had any control over how we met or how that true love unfolded. I had no idea at the time that this love would be a permanent condition.

We were not able to sustain this mysterious three-year relationship, and we may never meet again. But the time we had together was the most magical time of my life.

 

Anyone who has ever physically fallen to the ground knows that timeless sensation when you know the fall is inevitable. There is no way to stop the fall. You just have to go with it and perhaps roll or protect your head or heart when you hit the ground. The act of falling is by definition against your will.

When falling in love happens to two people simultaneously and unexpectedly, it is different from simply one person lusting for another person. It's more like getting caught in a tornado with the last person on Earth.

I am haunted by those timeless moments of inevitability. Time stood still when we both realized we had no control over what we were feeling.

 

Ahhhhhh God bless ya both..... I hope it lasts a long time!!

 

I can't count on my hands the number of women I have felt a love for. Didn't really want to but as I got to know them they grew on me. Women just turn me on. Not just physically even though there is that. But the way they are all around they are just beautiful creatures. My first love was one that I wanted to love. It didn't last but I was young and really didn't know what I was doing. At least I didn't make a commitment. I didn't want to love my spouse but I ended up being smitten by her. Still am today. Other women have come and gone and I still have a place in my heart for them. I just can't help myself. One thing I have learned is that I can love a lot of people, women, and have room for more. I think the human capacity for love is unmeasurable.

 

I'm pan and demi, so this is pretty much just how it works for me

 

Its hard to find TRUE LOVE now

 

This is an interesting old thread that has been raked up again.

Waking up one morning and thinking 'I am going to fall in love today', would certainly be putting the cart before the horse.

Then it happens one day totally out of the blue, leaving you with countless practicalities to overcome.
The good part of this situation, is that before things go too far the relationship has already survived the test of time.
Relationships that start that way, are far more likely to last.

Ours has lasted for 45 years. Occasionally resembling WW3.

 

The relationship with the love of my life did not stand the test of time. It blew apart like WW3. Too much volatility, but boy, was it ever memorable!