Excerpts from a dog and cat diary.....

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Excerpts from a Cat's Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and
I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear,
I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The
only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at
their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts,
since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made condescending comments about what a
"good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.
I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I
overheard that my confinement was due to the power of
"allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my
advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate
one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I
must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regu larly
released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is
obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him
communicate with the guards regularly. I am
certain that he reports my every move. My captors have
arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, s

 

The Queen of our Pride has decided us two legged members of the pride aren't getting enough live food in our diets and brings us live gophers, lizards, and birds in an effort to expand our diet. Missy I believe is very disappointed that we can't seem to get the hang of killing our meals.....