ex girlfriend slept with someone else. now we are back together

Discussion in 'Free Love' started by WhyDoIWantThisShit, Sep 8, 2013.

  1. Ok so here's the deal... My girlfriend of 2 years finally had enough of the fighting and what not in our relationship and we split up last month. In a nutshell, we treated each other like shit for too long and she met someone else. So we split up, she ended up sleeping with that guy on the first night. I don't blame her really because looking back, I was a total ass. But anyway...it's been over a month and she has since left him because we realized what we mean to each other. She told me the truth about sleeping with him including telling me it happened on the first night of breaking up...it upset me quite a bit at first but now when I think of it, it kind of turns me on. Why is that?

    When it comes to porn and fantasies - I'm into orgies/swingers. Never done it though. Before we split, while having sex with her, I imagined another guy fucking her at the same time a lot. (don't bring up me being gay...I work in a jail and witness guys jerking off and fingering their assholes very often...definitely disgusting and it makes me sick to my stomach frankly. I find the male body pretty disturbing really.). I think it is just the idea of seeing her in complete ecstasy that gets me. When I get her going myself, I finish quick. Her being turned on turns me on. That's why I like the idea of orgies too. Just letting go of all inhibitions and focusing on complete pleasure. A FFM threesome would be cool, but it only takes one pussy to please me and it's hard enough focusing on that one to make sure it gets enough. That's why I like the idea of having help to completely drive her crazy.

    So, after she told me that I got upset. But after a few days I let it go and when I think of it, it doesn't bother me. She, on the other hand, thinks it bothers me a lot still and thinks I'm going to hold it over her head. Basically, I wanna tell her "hey listen...you were horny and fucked someone else cause you weren't getting satisfied by me...I get it" but the fact that it kind of turns me on to think of her getting screwed by another guy is what is hard. I know she did it because she was stressed and horny. And I know that while doing it, it turned her on a lot. Which turns me on that she was turned on...if that makes sense. When it comes down to the bare bones - she truly loves me and I know it. The sex she had with him had nothing to do with love and that is also why it doesn't bother me as much as it should. I'm just happy to have her back. (for the record - she is not a cheater. Like I said I don't blame her for leaving or doing what she did and she would NEVER fuck anyone behind my back while we are together)

    How do I set her straight without making her think I'm a weirdo?

    "Hey honey...the idea of another guy fucking you is hott, don't sweat it!" seems a little weird to me.
     
  2. MikeE

    MikeE Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    The two of you broke up for a reason.

    If you (plural) spend all your time worrying about the sex she had that one night and avoiding looking at the reason that you broke up in the first place, it will rear up again and you will break up again, for that same reason.
     
  3. odonII

    odonII O

    tl;dr - don't care.
     
  4. i know why we broke up, we're past that. I just don't know how to tell her that I don't care she slept with someone else and that I'm kind of OK with it
     
  5. jaredfelix

    jaredfelix Namaste ॐ

    Ask if she wants to swing
     
  6. oceangaia

    oceangaia Guest

    What's your end game? Are you wanting her to fuck other guys now? Or maybe talk about it and fantasize about it with you?

    Why do you think she still thinks it bothers you? If she makes some kind of comment to that effect I'd say something like "nah I'm cool with it, as long as you got off with him. Cuz your sexual pleasure is my goal, whatever you need or want." See how she reacts. Hopefully she'll want to talk about it some more.
     
  7. PineMan

    PineMan Senior Member

    Simple. Let her know that while you were apart you accepted that you were both Free Spirits, at liberty to make your own choices, then you can go on to the thoughts it inspired, in you in the same way as you've explained here.

    The real psychological question here, though, is whether that really is a desire, or is it merely your subconscious feelings of jealousy at being left out?
     
  8. cbcrazy

    cbcrazy Member

    Hey, she slept with a dude on the 1st night? Why would you want any long-term relationship with someone like that?
     
  9. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    "I don't care that you slept with someone else. From a relationship standpoint, we were in crisis. It's done. It's over. But, from a fantasy perspective, I have had fantasies about watching you with others. That doesn't mean I really want you to, just that I think it would be hot to see your face in ecstasy with another person. I understand its a pretty common fantasy."
     
  10. jayson2269

    jayson2269 Guest

    I constantly hear people saying "people can change." Personally, I think that's a load of crap.

    I hate to say this dude, but if she's cheated on you once, the odds are way in favor of her doing it again.

    I cheated on my wife with numerous women. We moved to a new area after she found out, and I vowed to her and myself that it wouldn't happen again.

    I'm doing it again!! I'm not proud of it, but...

    She cheated on you for a reason. No idea what that is, but if the reason for that still exists, it likely will happen again.

    I hope things work out for you if you decide to stick with her. Maybe she's a better person than I am.

    Good luck to you.
     
  11. Joshoa

    Joshoa Member

    Share with her what you have shared with us here. Open up your lines of communication towards more honesty and openness. She did not cheat on you, that happened after you broke up. Rebound sex is common, you probably would have jumped at the chance if you had the opportunity. There is no justification for punishing her for it, you had no claim on her once you broke up. You two were not getting along and he made her feel good about her self, perfectly natural.

    Your current opinions about sex are antiquated and probably the result of social conditioning. Sex is a wonderful thing that we all can share. Open up your mind to other ways of thinking and acceptance of others who are different from you, it may open up new opportunities to explore the things that intrigue you.
     
  12. Son of John

    Son of John Banned

    I believe your situation is not all that unusual, but of course it is YOUR experience, so that makes it special for you.

    My situation is different from yours, but there are similarities. I am married to a woman who has fucked with other men, after we were married. I won't give all the details, but I will say that I always knew about it, and when I fucked her, myself, afterward, and sometimes immediately afterward, the words were cycling through my head "He fucked my wife! He fucked my wife!"

    Because of my history, including things which happened over which I had no control, I am now the guy who sees my own wife as a "Pussy" that should be available for my friends, or other guys, too!
     

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