Everything is dead

Discussion in 'True Confessions' started by Insomniac_devi, Aug 20, 2005.

  1. Insomniac_devi

    Insomniac_devi Beast Toast

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    Lately I just feel like nothing has a purpose anymore. I mean, here I am, working towards a degree in something that, not only do I not see myself going anywhere with it, but I feel like my family wants it more than I do, and that's the only reason I'm still doing it. I just want to live my life, be alive, and I don't feel that way right now. I feel like I'm just preparing myself for a job that I'll hate and eventually death. Where's the stimulation in that? I'm not supposed to feel like a zombie, am I? I don't know...I just feel like a shell instead of a human, and I can't seem to do anything about it, because I'm under my mother's thumb. As sad as that sounds, yes, I'm 19 and my mother still runs my life. I pay my bills and everything, but she's the one funding my education; it just seems like if I don't live my life exactly the way she thinks I should, she'll take that away.
    But now I don't even feel anything when she threatens me with that... I've been thinking of just leaving everything behind, and not telling her or anyone else in my family where I'm going, but that's not an adult way to deal with my problems. I can't just run away, so to speak, every time something goes wrong. So now I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place, and I don't know how to deal with it. I can't just stand up to my mother, because I'm a big pussy, and any thought of making myself even more of a loser in her eyes scares me.
     
  2. Xac

    Xac Visitor

    Hmm, so you are depressed that your mother runs your life because she is paying for your education which you are getting to please her? you pay your own bills you sound independent, it seems to me the only thing in your way is you.

    Perhaps you should drive off into the desert and take a whole lot of drugs :) :p
     
  3. Bikshu

    Bikshu Member

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    while that would be a good way to actualize yourself, it really wouldn't be good for you.

    My suggestion. Finish the degree for yourself. You don't have to "do" what you get the degree in. Having any degree can help you get positions in many fields.
     
  4. Insomniac_devi

    Insomniac_devi Beast Toast

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    As appealing as that sounds, I don't think it would help me very much. But it would probably put a smile on my face...[​IMG]


    That's what I've been planning on doing, afterall having a degree helps my chances at a better job, it's just I'm not even happy anymore when I'm in classes. I can't wait til this is over with....
     
  5. Boogabaah

    Boogabaah I am not here

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    The Universe Is Alive
     
  6. Wetbikerider

    Wetbikerider Member

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    or find a nice tree and hung your self.
     
  7. Xac

    Xac Visitor

    Not to be a nazi but if you are going to make moronicaly lame jokes atleast make your self seem less stupid by spelling correctly.
     
  8. PurpleGel

    PurpleGel Senior Member

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    on the contrary, EVERYTHING is alive....
     
  9. Insomniac_devi

    Insomniac_devi Beast Toast

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    I'm not going to "hung" myself idiot. Or hang myself. I said I want to LIVE my life and be happy, not give up on everything just because things aren't working out for me.
     
  10. MountainMan

    MountainMan Member

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    im in a very similiar position. im going into my third year of college and i still dont really feel like its the place i should be. im not following any passion, ive been depressed for years and am horrible at dealing with it so i whittle the time away playing computer games hurting myself even more, missing out on so much.
    one thing i keep telling myself to do, is to do something different, change my environment spontaniously. maybe you should take time off from school. if you were considering running away without telling anyone, well, this is a much better solution. go camping for a week, travel a bit, go see california or whatever. do something out of the ordinary, see where it takes you, and go from there.
     
  11. Insomniac_devi

    Insomniac_devi Beast Toast

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    I've tried that....I went to gatherings, hung out at the beach for days at a time...and while it helps me, I feel great when I'm out there doing stuff and just living, as soon as I get back to my normal scene, the same old depression and feelings of uselessness set in.
     
  12. AutumnsMoonChild

    AutumnsMoonChild Member

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    Stay away from the normal scene if you can...maybe join a commune or something.:)
     
  13. Insomniac_devi

    Insomniac_devi Beast Toast

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    I'm studying Buddhism now.....it's helping me to feel a little bit better =) But I'm thinking that I do need to get out of this college.
     
  14. Keramptha

    Keramptha Senior Member

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    i say stick with it....


    personally i have quit my a levels, got into uni anyway... i dont know how, but quit that too.

    everyine gets somehting different out of life, and uni.

    if it makes you deppressed...i'd say leave. you have to follow yore heart.

    but then another thing is that, i think depression is a hurt ego. and your egos hurting coz mummy pays for your school.

    i dont mean to piss on your parade but it kind of looks like a bigger version of a little girl having a tantrum and sulking becuase mum wont let her do up her own shoelaces.

    its not worth getting depressed about, shes not trying to hurt you is she?
    she is infact trying to help you. so take that energy, and make it into something good. help yourself, and respect all the factors that got you into the osition you're in right now.

    every day we deal with thwe shit along with the good, and sometimes, there are only a few small miracles amongst all the crap and inhumanity amongst people.

    but your not in a bad situation, you have support, and a load of people dont have that.

    at least you have the courage to go to class!!!

    think about the kids who are too afraid to get up in the morning!!

    make the best of your situation, look for light in the darkest places...theres absoloutely no point in running over how bad you feel your school, course is. it wont help you.
    and its probably not true. you're proabbly making it look bad becuase of some other underlying reason, which i dont know, because im not you.
     

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