EVERYONE please help me

Discussion in 'Philosophy and Religion' started by Shaman420, May 18, 2004.

  1. Shaman420

    Shaman420 Herbalist

    Most nights during the week I spend at least 20 minutes meditating usually more. I awake everyday with a prayer.. I pray to be compassionate, kind, loving, generous, peaceful, happy, nice and to be a good person in general. I pray for my soul to be healed. Throughout the day I try to focus on these things, I try to be the person that I pray to be and I try to do it without changing my true self as an individual. I believe in spirituality not in a specific religion though I'm really into buddhism and hinduism, but I feel that every religion is a path to God, and I also believe EVERYONE is a teacher. No matter what faith and political belief they have they can teach you something. But what have found is that theres a major flaw in my spirituality. No matter how often I pray or how hard I try to be a good person I can't be. When my friends thought it would be funny to drive through puddles and soak the men working hard as hell on lawn maitnence in the hot and rainy weather last weekend I felt so bad, I felt what they had done was so wrong, and plain mean, but I couldnt do anything about it because it had already been done, and all I could say was, "that was so dick" as they enjoyed a hearty laugh. I didnt laugh, but at the same time I couldnt speak up. I can never speak up unless I'm being selfish. I feel terrible for the things a lot of my friends say and do, and a majority of things I would never even think of doing, but at the same time I sit and allow them to do it, never saying a word. Because if I was to say something I'd look like an idiot, and be made of for it. Now I can never manage to say the right thing, which means I'm really not doing the right thing, and to make matters worse, I'm mean. Even when I spend all day trying to be nice to everyone, even people I dislike, I'm still mean. I hurt my parents when I constantly argue with them over some of my strong opinions, I hurt them when I'm lazy, I hurt them when I don't do things their way, I hurt them when I ingest psychoactive substances, I hurt them when I get bad grades, and I hurt them when I'm selfish. But the thing is I dont want to hurt them, I dont try to hurt them, even when they told me things to get me to focus more in school like, "your a big part of the reason we're thinking about getting divorced." "You obviously dont love us if you would treat us this way." Those words hurt yet I still dont intentionally look to argue with them or be mean, but I am. Its how I naturally act and I want to change this. I want to be a genuine good person I want to help the world, and I want to be compassionate more than anything. I want to be peaceful and loving. And I've looked inside myself and towards multiple different religions to help me to be the person I want to become, but as each day passes I still manage to hurt my family even when I try so hard. I also want to be genuinely happy, I want to be able to smile at EVERYONE, no matter what, just so I can make their day better, but I cant. And I want to be more concious of others around me. I want to be this person I describe. How do I do it? How can heal my soul and become this person because I feel this is my true self or else I wouldnt have the intentions I have. But how do I do it besides through meditation and prayer because though I will continue to do these things, they havent resulted in me being what I want to be. And thats why I ask everyone no matter what religion you are to give me your input. Please help me.
  2. ericf

    ericf Member

    One day at a time, you aren't going to become the person you want to be overnight. You are seeing some problems and now you get to work on them. I would suggest you pick one and find a solution. If your friends are going to cause you to do things you don't want -- and they won't understand this and help you improve -- you might need to distance yourself from them. At least for a little while until you are more secure in your ideas and ready to make a stand. Don't let the temporary bonds of high school friendships prevent you from changing for the better. Remember that all things are temporary and change. Don't cling to things that are stopping you from growing. That said, you might be able to keep your friends or return to them after.

    It is hard to be motivated in school sometimes. Just work on that also. You recognize which things you want to change and you sound like you are willing to put in the effort to change them. Did the Siddhartha become the Buddha overnight? Nope... it took time. Just keep plugging away and making changes for the better.
  3. FireQuint

    FireQuint Member

    Oh no you don't
  4. Epiphany

    Epiphany Copacetic

    The important thing to remember is that no one is perfect. Like I was replying to someone in the random thoughts forum, when your born again, and you make a mistake, God says, "What sin?" Now, I'm not saying that gives you free will to go out and do things, thinking, "I can do this and just ask forgiveness for it." But if you make a mistake and are truely sorry for it, rest assured that it is forgiven. God Bless. :)
  5. u may feel like a crappy person, but what i just read didn't illustrate that at all. :0) you feel compasion for people and know that what they are doing is wrong. I've alienated myself from my friends for doing mean things, and after a while, i didnt miss them all that much, and i found other people who dont need to hurt others to enjoy themselves. Good luck in your soul search ...peace, <3, :0)
  6. gdkumar

    gdkumar Member

    Dear Shaman420,

    Please do not get disheartened.

    Certain things can not be achieved forcibly. What you are looking forward to achieving can not be obtained overnight. If you sincerely keep doing meditation you will surely soon understand why it is so.

    I can only tell and assure you that your meditation, if done properly, will take care of everything and you will automatically achieve all the qualities that you are looking for. Please do not have any doubt about this, just have little more patience.

    I do not know how you are doing your meditation, however, I would suggest that do not bring to many prayers or wishes in your mind before meditation. Try to do it with a blank mind free of thoughts, free of all desires,good or bad.

    With love..............Kumar.
  7. cabdirazzaq

    cabdirazzaq Member

    My only advice is only that of my religion, it gave me these things which you are looking for and so much more. This is because of the promise of Allah(may he be exalted) when he said in the quran:

    2:257. Allah is the Protector of those who have faith: from the depths of darkness He will lead them forth into light. Of those who reject faith the patrons are the evil ones: from light they will lead them forth into the depths of darkness. They will be companions of the fire, to dwell therein (For ever).

    And also:
    39:18. Those who listen to the Word, and follow the best (meaning) in it: those are the ones whom Allah has guided, and those are the ones endued with understanding.
    39:19. Is, then, one against whom the decree of Punishment is justly due (equal to one who eschews Evil)? Wouldst thou, then, deliver one (who is) in the Fire?
    39:20. But it is for those who fear their Lord. That lofty mansions, one above another, have been built: beneath them flow rivers (of delight): (such is) the Promise of Allah: never doth Allah fail in (His) promise.

    Striving to please ones parents is indeed a good and an order from our lord. I´ve noticed that it´s qute rare to find teenagers like you even thinking of these things which you are involved in, most of them(here in Sweden) just like to come home late and then argue with their parents which I must say I find strange and also a great evil. Doesn´t these people ever remember that it was their parents that took care of them when they could barley move and cared and payed for them?

    46:15. We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth...)
    46.16. Such are they from whom We shall accept the best of their deeds and pass by their ill deeds: (They shall be) among the Companions of the Garden: a promise! of truth, which was made to them (in this life).

    Secondly: This different qualities which you describe in you post that you want to have is mentioned in one verse of the quran which I will end this post with:

    33:35. For Muslim men and women,- for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are patient and constant, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in Charity, for men and women who fast (and deny themselves), for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah's praise,- for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward.
  8. john cox

    john cox Member

    Howdy: A few pointers that may assist you.
    1.No effort, meditation, prayer (tough helpfull), or good intentions will make you a good person. You are already that! You need only to recognize and concetrate on that.
    2. Within you is love and compassion. A hard decision to consider is that if friends behave and think in a manner that affects your inner being you need to find and cultivate friends of like mind and hard as it may be; divorce yourself from some old friends who you allow to bring you down. (I have recently had to cut off a friend of many years)
    3. As for your parents; love them as you must, but you can not be responsible for their actions and expections. Nameste: john
  9. MeAgain

    MeAgain Dazed & Confused Lifetime Supporter Super Moderator

    You have already taken the biggest step, realization of what you want to change.

    Work on it. You will have many ups and downs, don't become disillusioned, Rome wasn't built in a day.

    Meantime let it go when you backslide, everyone makes mistakes, the trick is to carry on until you reach your goal. It won't be today, tommorrow or next year. It may take a lifetime...what else ya got to do?
  10. sleepydreamer

    sleepydreamer Member

    Though you may look for it in many places and in many minds, the truth lies within understanding the nature of ones self. When we seek truth in the idea, or from another, we see these things to be authoritative or higher than ourselves, what we are truly seeking is security, not truth.

    The truth does not lie in the answer to the question, "what is god/truth/reality/etc", for these are mere projections of the self, the truth lies in the answer to the question "why do I seek these things to begin with?" While these things may be, they are unknown, they cannot be percieved by one who seeks them because one can only seek the known, that which one projects.

    You are what you are and to percieve this is truth, to make effort towards the ideal, is to blind ones self from and deny this truth.

    You wish to be happy? So, what is happiness? Can you achieve this state through effort? Does not effort born of desire of that which you have projected (the state of happiness) cause conflict and misery, not happiness? How do you know this state exists? Is it because in memory you can see a time when you felt really good, when you were "happy"? Are you still in this state? What does this tell you? It tells you that that which crystallizes immediately begins to disintegrate. No state is ever-lasting. Reality is dynamic, not static. To grasp for the static is to invite misery and suffering into your life. To ride the dynamic is to be at peace. If you live your life ever-chasing a fixed point then forever you will chase.

    You said it yourself, "they havent resulted in me being what I want to be". Your problem is that you wish to becomes something which exists only in your mind; that which you are not. This is a very subtle point I hope you can understand. You are this and you want to become that. In between the "this" and the "that", what is there? There is effort? What is effort? Isn't it struggle and conflict born of desire? The truth you are looking for through all of your mystical and fancy practices is in what you are trying to deny and escape by engaging these practices. The truth is what you are, not what you wish to become or what you project it to be. To perceive truth, is to go from this to that immediately. To deny truth is to project an ideal, desire this ideal, and then make effort to become it. In this action you will always be in conflict and misery and will end exactly where you began, over and over.

    You use meditation as a tool to quiet the mind. The mind cannot be made quiet, it has to arrive there through realization. A quiet and aware mind is always in a state of passive meditation, a meditating mind is always in a state of active engagement.

  11. TrippinBTM

    TrippinBTM Ramblin' Man

    You can't make anyone else do anything they don't want to without causing more problems. You can't control others, so the best you can do is lead by example. If your friends say "hey, lets go get those workers wet by driving through that puddle" then state your objection to the plan, and if they decide to do it, if you can, ask them to let you out of the car. Sort of a passive protest, Ghandi-style. It comes down to control. You can only control how you react to a given situation. When it comes to anger, hatred, resentment, it's like a hot coal. To harbor such feelings is to be gripping that coal in your hand. Wouldn't it be so much easier to let it go? You can't make the coal cold, but you don't have to hold onto it.

    You seem like a good person who is really making a good effort to grow, and that's great. The best thing you can do, I think, is to just watch yourself all the time. Try to calm your mind not only in meditation but all day, watch your thoughts in the same way, and let them go. Do the same for emotions (which are more subtle and may be harder to feel). When you feel anger coming on (heart rate up, muscle tension, flood of angry thoughs...emotions have a 'mind-aspect' to them, but are more body centered), watch it, feel it, and try to let it go. You may want to check out a book called "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle, it has helped me immensely and gets more specific about these things.

    Above all, relax. You can't force the changes, they happen on their own time, when you're ready. Like the Buddha says, desire, even desire for enlightenment, will only slow you down. It's just a product of the greedy selfish ego and needs to be let go. Don't worry about everyone else's reactions, don't worry about how close you are to enlightenment or whatever, and don't worry about some lofty ideal. Just focus on what you're doing now, do what you think you should do, and instead of working to be a good person, make it into a game. Life is funner that way, and a hell of a lot easier.
  12. isness

    isness Member

    Pretend that we are all holding rubics cubes in our head. As children, we cant comprehend the cube, we just keep messing with it as much as we can until we figure out what it's all about. As adults, we can comprehend just about anything by a process of interpreting and labeling and then attaching to our newly formed idea. We see the cube, we know it's been changed so much from its natural state, but we don't remember this natural state, therefore we continue to shift around the parts of the cube hoping to someday be content with it, which we never are. Everyone has a cube, everyone fumbles with it, most people will never understand it. How can one attempt to fix everyone elses cube without attempting to fix their own. Surely, it would be much easier to assist others in their puzzle if you have already solved your own and know what it looks like. You will only cause yourself more headaches by trying to solve a puzzle that you yourself has not been responsible for altering in the first place. You have been there for every twist and turn of your own cube, somewhere in your mind lies the key to undo all of these foolish moves. You have learned to think, you know the cube for what it is. By reverting back, you will not lose this ability. The cube represents distortion of thought and perception, not you as a whole, so don't take this the wrong way. You simply must cleanse your thoughts, organize them, see them for exactly what they are and nothing more. See what causes YOU agony first. Everyone else can wait for now.
  13. moon_flower

    moon_flower Banned

    Wow, talk about an over achiever.
    You're trying too hard, dude. You have to take shit as it comes.
    Why do you put so much pressure on yourself? That'll kill you, man. Don't worry about what they'll think if you say something. 'Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.'~Dr. Suess.
    I think you should get away for a while, man. Get your shit in order, then face the world. It sounds like you have some issues that really need to be worked out.
  14. isness

    isness Member

    "Issues" are only existant because of the mind. Thought and interpretation distorts and destroys everything when one is unaware of the power of the mind. The mind is a paradox. You mind, you mind your mind, you mind the mind that minds the mind. When aware of this loop, you become aware that the loop is not necessary. The mind, though problematic, is only there because you created it. You create, you destroy, all is in its place, all of the time. Quit minding!

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