Everybody's Doing A Brand New Chat, Now!

So an older married couple decide to take a vacation on their 55th anniversary…

The wife, having grown up in a particularly conservative family, had always insisted that she and her husband only use the missionary position during sex.

The husband had her asked her for a blowjob throughout their earlier years of marriage, however, was always turned down. After about 25 years of trying, he eventually stopped asking and gave in to a life of using only the missionary position.

On the night of their 55th anniversary, the husband thought he'd try his luck and see if his wife had changed her mind… To his surprise, his wife agrees to give him a blowjob!

After the blowjob, the wife cuddles up the husband and says “Gee, that wasn't so bad… I wish I'd done that before! You know, the only reason I didn't want to do it was because I thought you wouldn't respect me after I did it for you. I love you so much!”

Moments later, still laying in silence, the phone begins to ring… It continues to ring, and ring, and ring…









Finally, the husband jolts upright in the bed (pushing his wife off of him, who had rested her head on his shoulder) and yells “JESUS CHRIST, YOU COCKSUCKER, WON'T YOU ANSWER THE GODDAMN PHONE?!”

- - - - - -

(I actually have a haunting feeling that I've told this before... If true, oh well...)

 

with respect

i am a pretty good judge of ''funny''....you should not repeat this one...it is not your best work....time to retire it


it is raining today...and for a couple days according to weather babe on tv......i have errands to run on the mainland later....i need to buy some flea and tick stuff...

 

I have an appointment with my doctor in an hour... hoping that he will refer me to a different rheumatologist for a second opinion. Also going to talk medical marijuana with him, because who knows how long until the liberals follow through on legalization, if they ever do.

 

checked out a house yesterday

it was built weird

supposedly built by lesbians


everything was tongue and groove ...not a stud in sight

 

appointment went well. he is setting me up with another rheumatologist and gave me an anti-inflammatory to take at night. he said that medical marijuana is something he does consider as a valid treatment option, but is pretty far down the list, and there are a bunch of other things he tends to try first.

 

i wish there wasnt so many houses near my favourite swimming place

the water is so low now and shore ice is melting.. i could move all those annoying boulders and make a nice path but i just know someone would report it and cause trouble

 

I would drop the boulders in places so they can't go chase you. Like a big blockade of boulders. That'll sort them.

 

the lesbian couple i am selling eggs too are just finishing a house they built...dare i tell them that joke?


....haha

 

its on a point

blocking the road would just block me in

 

I just looked at our league stats. I don't like the page, or the set up because I've only played 4/11 round so far, so missing a ton of games I'm ranked 48/55ish players in the division. But my winning percentage is actually in the 1/4 of the division itself at 58% 7/12. Statistically I'm the second best player in the team, only one person is above me on 80+% then me on 58, and then it goes from 50% - 25%.

I'm the substitute player, I miss the first round of four and substitute in for whoever lost their first round. This way everyone at least gets 3/4 games with the better players getting 4/4. I spoke to a friend in first division and he said with my stats at the moment, I should be able to be playing 4/4 games. I need to beat the guy above me on 25% he's only won 8/32 games. I'm a win behind him. I think when I pass him hopefully next round then I can start the first round.

A win percentage of 40-60% is suggested to be quite good in our division with most players either winning or losing frames at 50%.

 

fractals..

 

Kind almost looks like the occupation of Europe map by the axis in the first few years.

 

Now catch me in the back wit a whisky
Chattin up a missy like I'm attractive and witty
I have to dip to do my raps and get busy
Why don't you come see me when I'm back in your city?

Sup kiddies??

Ate a 250mg edible but it didn't do dick to me. Tolerance is a mofo.

 

I found out at work today that Amazon has an original series The Man in the High Castle based off the PKD book....

And it's supposed to be mad good. About to get ON. THAT. SHIT.

 

First, lemme start this rhyme out with some truth
I was shaking and sweatin' like Collin Farrel in the phone booth...
Visions inhale like off my brains like flames
That constrict like chains and all comes together like all across the veins
So tell me what the fuck is wrong with me?
Even groupie bitches never get involved with me
Cause I hear voices? I make murderous choices?
Stare at their crotches while I mumble strange noises?
Fuck it
I guess it really doesn't matter
Not here to impress I'm just infecting to make they brains splatter
I shovel two garbage bags in a shallow grave
I speak in tongues that cut my face every time I shave
A ritual habitual so peep the principles
Deadly syllables put in three second intervals
A mind that's fucked up
So suspect
So criminal
Put you in the ground with the phosphates and minerals

 

Fuck Al B Sure! One hit wonder
Fuck that spell she put me under
She said she love me and I believed that
Fuck that shit I want my weave back!

 

its a friday free for all...let the noob snipe begin

 

http://youtu.be/4eHMgXlugIU

 

a real crackhead would be picking up chalk crumbs ..

 

Tonight I tied the gold club record for consecutive pool wins but I failed to pass it and tied with 5 straight wins.