Those of you who have seen the movie, Bridesmaids, will recall this scene: LILLIAN She has three kids now. RITA Three boys. ANNIE So cute. RITA They are cute, but when they reach that age they’re disgusting. They smell, they’re sticky, they say things that are horrible and there is semen all over everything. They’re disgusting. I cracked a blanket in half. Do you get where I’m going with that? ANNIE I do, yeah. RITA I cracked it in half. ——- When I was a teen, I habitually left semen stains on my bed sheets. I’d masturbate prone, and to my frame of mind back then, any action I might take to mitigate the mess would have been a distraction from the joy creaming with reckless abandon. It did occur to me that my Mom would find the stains when she stripped my bed each week on laundry day (indeed the orange stains on the white fabric were obvious, unmistakable, plentiful, and soaked through Into the mattress pad to the point where she might have cracked that pad in half). But since she never said a word to me about it, it never occurred to me that that aspect of laundry day could be making her uncomfortable. As a widow, she was probably at a loss for what to say to her only son about his most private moments, and wishing my Dad were still around to take care of that discussion. In retrospect, her thoughts were probably similar to Rita’s from the excerpt above — “Jesus! Who knew one boy could jizz so much!” Or perhaps it was, “I’m glad he’s normal and as horny as his Dad was.” I know for a fact that Mom also had a very healthy libido. She was dating and her dates were often present in our house the next morning. One of her boyfriends was only six years my senior. So in retrospect, it seems likely that on nights when she slept alone, she was also rubbing one out in bed. When you’re a teen, you don’t envision either of your parents masturbating, but of course they do. So on her dealing with my stained sheets, her thoughts might have been along the lines of, “Who am I to be thinking he wanks too much?” or “Did he inherit the ultra-horny gene from me?” Or was she thinking, “How wonderful it is that my boy is getting so much enjoyment from his penis.” Was she picturing in her mind’s eye me in the act? Or maybe considering, “I glad he’s keeping that thing in tip-top shape. That semen will be my legacy. It’ll beget me some lovely grandkids someday.” Any mothers of teenage sons reading this? If you are, what are your thoughts about evidence you find that he masturbates frequently? Would you or have you had the courage to have a reassuring chat with him about it?
