Every Abstain From An Orgasm?

For me, I noticed it wasn't a sexual thing anymore, and more of a chore, only to relax and make it easier to fall asleep. One day, I woke up at 3am, and so I thought, "Chances are good I'll sleep tonight - I'll skip it tonight" and within a few days, I notice things that I can't describe. I actually slept good for a month, which seems to be my max, something I do every 5 yrs or so.

In this situation, I was hoping it would create some interesting dreams. And I like to observe and always learn more self-awareness, cause and effect..

I never had a wet dream, and thought if I could hold on for another month, that somehow I'd achieve orgasm in my sleep and have a life-changing dream that would cure me forever, or improve something.

Like before, I'd notice a feeling, pressure... In the past, I'd call them "mini-orgasms", where it would feel like the first .00000001 second of an orgasm, when semen moves a quarter of a milimeter - not sure exactly..

But in the last week, I contacted two women from my past, which is something I had come to regret immediately, but I wasn't "me" and not really using my brain.... I was trying to avoid anything sexual, even a movie I was thinking of watching. But after this morning thinking about "it", I just said, "screw it" and got it over with... Twice, and then had a smoke and something else (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) and back to square one, but I will try to avoid it during the nights, because it has become a chore, just like showering every single night. I'm a streaky guy, but I would never streak.

 

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This actually reminds me of a time in my life when I wasn't a very considerate lover...

In a previous life almost, I was in a relationship with a young woman, and we had what I would now consider a significant degree of promiscuity.

And what characterizes it in my mind now is the fact that I never gave her an orgasm.

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Back to the current state of life, I have made amends with myself. Since that time, I have resolved to correct that. And I never want to be that type of man, and now that type of husband.

But also I remember some movie... In the movie (I might have the facts wrong here) a man and a woman have sex, and when the woman doesn't orgasm she smokes marijuana.

 

Ah, I'm completely single. This pandemic has solidified my new hermit status

 

Abstain from orgasms? I'd have to commit suicide first.