I am having what I consider the biggest crisis of my entire life, and I could not stress enough that I have lived a long life of hard choices and many regrets. The other day, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. After freaking out, and sitting on it for a night, she decided that she wants to keep it, whether or not I be in her life. After panicking and freaking out some more, she says she sees things my way, and that is, having a child now will be the end of most of the goals we have in life. I look at this in two different way's. Im older, and although their is much more in life I want to do that I cannot with a child (or a girlfriend for that matter) Ive had my time, and while Ill always regret not living the life I wanted, I had my chance and blew it. She's only 20, and I feel like even though shes willing to become a young mother, she will miss out on her youth. So we decided not to keep the child. Except, now more problems come to mind. We wont be doing this until monday, and all day all I can think of is what the fuck am I doing. Is this really the right choice? I am a die-hard atheist, I believe in no god, no religious repercussions, but I am still having a question of faith and morality. I do not look at this embryo as a life, but at the same time I wonder of the potential life it could have. Is this my moment? Was this my fate? My girlfriend does believe in god, but is not religious, she does see this as murder but recognizes that terminating would be the best decision. I know it bothers her though, and I dont want her to regret this for the rest of her life, nor do I want myself to do the same. Will we though? That right there is the eleventh hour question. I also look to the fact that, while we may be together now, I have never had any intention on staying with her the rest of my life, and I am almost certain she acknowledges that about me. I want to cut this short because I feel like the longer I right, the less people will want to read, but I want to say one more thing here; as I said in the beginning of this post, I have had a long, rough life. I look at myself as being of poor conscious and perhaps without soul. The fact that this is taring me up inside, kinda shows me that maybe Im not completely heartless, but I wonder should we go through with it, will that be the end of all that is good in me?
I was in a very similar, almost identical situation, except the ages vary. She was older than me by a fair bit. Honestly, there's not a day goes by that I regret our decision. I'm proud that that person and I did right by ourselves. Not a shread of goodness, humanity, or morality was robbed from us by our decision. In fact, it made us better people. More human, more compassionate. And I will never be told otherwise or led to believe that I'm a monster or made the wrong decision. My soul is intact and my life is better because of the decision. Simplify your thinking. Forget talk of god, goodness, the end. Do what is right by yourself and know that an unstable not mature situation is doing wrong to bring a child into it. Of course, this is just my subjective experience and situation. But I never look back on or regret what was done. I'm proud we had the maturity and humaneness to do right by ourselves and the situation. If you'd like to discuss things further or just want to talk, you can PM me any time.
I would really like that as I haven't been able to talk about this with anyone other than my girl an another friend, how exactly do I PM you though, I never have on this site lol
I'll just say this further... Many things run through one's head in this situation. Thoughts, fantasies, questions of morality, I didn't live the way I want to, my life passed me by, am I a terrible person. All of this is perfectly normal. It would be weird if you didn't have these thoughts. The fact is, you are here now, and you have to, as every living thing on this earth does, do right by yourself, as does the lady you knocked up. If that's what your decision is, be proud, be confident, and know that you're doing right by yourselves and each other. Those concerns you're having are perfectly normal, and they fade away quite quickly after all is said and done and you know you've done the right thing. I'm not trying to influence you one way or the other. I'm honestly not. I just want you and your partner to be confident in yourself if that's the decision you make because there is no fucking support for people who do. All against, nothing for. You have to be strong for yourself and for your partner because people who oppose freedom of choice will always make you feel like shit, even though thy don't know. Be confident.
You need to have more posts before you can privately message. Go post a couple forum games posts or something.
Oh no doubt, I guess I could just reply here. I really appreciate what you wrote, as its the best advice I have received in regards to the termination. Like I said, I dont believe in god, and were not going to tell anyone, so im not really worried about any judgement. Im mostly concerned that this is going to be something we will regret the rest of our lives. More her, because as I said, she really does see it as killing an organism, and I have read a lot about women regretting their abortion. I can hold this stuff in, add it to the list of things that will inevitably destroy me, but for once in my life im trying not to be selfish and do whats best for her. I also play around in my head with the idea of fate. I know its not hard to get a girl pregnant, but what if every action an decision in my life has lead to this moment, the creation of my heir. What if im 50 one day, alone and miserable, and all I can think of is the life I denied for my own selfish reasons. Is it even fair, to deny a possible life, because I want to continue my life of debauchery and possibly climb Mount Everest one day?
I'm a woman, and I have children and I noticed you said at first your girlfriend said she wants to keep the child. I think you should make sure you let her know that if she wants to keep the baby, then it's her choice. I was in a similar situation where the man wanted me to have an abortion. I'm not religious either and don't believe in god (I'm agnostic and believe a higher power is possible though) but I still couldn't go through with the morality of it all. While I feel each individual has the right to choose an abortion or not, it seems morally wrong to me and I could never go through with it. I think it's easier for a man to just say go through with the abortion (though it's refreshing to see you've been really giving the situation some thought) but for the woman it becomes more emotional and she already realizes she has a living being inside of her, depending on her..
We told no one. But, depending on where you go, religious assholes protest out front and shove pictures of pretend aborted fetus' in your face and tell you things about god disapproving. You need thick skin. You need to be there for your woman who'll most likely feel the brunt of these sadist cunts. Keep in mind, you can't punch them in the face, no matter how badly you want to. This was my biggest concern. Will I or she regret it and grow to resent each other. You read a lot about women becoming resentful due to regret. Unfortunately I can't garantee youanything. I wish so much that I could garantee you both happiness, but I can't. All I can do is tell you that once it was done, that person and I never thought twice of it. No regret, no resentment. It was like it never happened. I hope for the comfort should you two choose that path. Keep in mind, a doctor consults the female alone to asses her desire on the matter and to make sure she isn't be coaxed into an abortion. Should she feel otherwise, this will likely be when it comes out. Otherwise, it's no problem. The doctor's there might treat you like crap though. You need to do what's best by both of you. And not to sound naggy, but it will not destroy you, and the world is not coming down on you. In the words of Cat Stevens, "You're still young and that's your fault." When you're younger everything seems so important and huge, unbearable...poor Atlas, how does he do it? It's okay. The world always gets better, things get easier, and things we once thought colossal mountains eventually become molehills and footnotes. Everything gets better. Don't be so down on yourself. I honestly doubt that you will. If you do, you'll have to learn how to relieve yourself of that burden. Man, life is really heavy, we can't walk around with all these things on our shoulders, the weight becomes crippling. Learn to forgive and let go and forgive yourself. You have so far to go.
Oh Im 100% in belief that its her decision, and Ive made it clear to her that I would be there for the child no matter what. I feel like she may be making her decisions based on my persuasions, but she does agree that it would be the best thing to do. If she were to change her mind, Im going nowhere, even if our relationship doesn't last.
