It seems that after a breakup or divorce the women I have separated from return and are extremely willing to have crazy sex. Very unlike it was during the latter months of the marriage. I experienced their willingness to have multiple partners just to either satisfy me to get me back or just to satisfy themselves in the sex department. I have pondered this mood swing craziness for some time and my conclusion is this. I am a very stoic person. I've lacked typical emotion (AND THAT IS A GOOD THING FOR ME) since childhood but I have an abundance of empathy. I only see sex as maintanance and in no way is any type of emotional love connected to it. I never say "make love." That repulses me. For me I am LOVE and have NO ability to hate for any reason. Sounds crazy but it is common in India among the Yogi's and Guru's. I see my relationship of 23 yeas not as a relationship but as an ongoing experience. I would not get angry nor jealous if she said one day that she has had an itch to be gang banged by 4 or 5 huge dicked men or feels the need to bring a women into her bed. I do not own this woman nor do I care to direct her away from her own feelings in any way. I chose to live in her company and watch her as she goes thru her life without any demanding interference from me. To me the difference is if you see a flower you love you can pick it and own it. This is part of a marriage where one party rules the domain and it must be done my way. OR you see that wonderful flower and simply watch it, fertilize it, nurture it, treat it as good as you are able to and if it has a problem then go into the surroundings and attempt to make things better for her. So, long story short, has anyone experienced such a relationship? do you strongly disagree with my position? What say you on this subject? Are you a slave to your emotions?
Post break up sex can be awesome or it can be eye opening. My spouse decided to contact a former flame after we had been married for several months. She only wanted to talk with him to see if she had made the right decision but it led to them having sex. On her way home she realized it was a mistake and kept it from me for several weeks. I knew something was up and after the initial emotions in her of cheating had subsided she explained all. She never made contact with him again. I can relate to "Just for fun" as pangs of jealousy are not prevalent in my emotional make up. I do have empathy and look at the big picture more than the details of an error in judgement. His pointing out that there is no ownership in the relationship and making the choice to enjoy being with her as she grows and shares her life with him is what a true marriage should be about. It works both ways. I picked a wonderful gal and even though she fucked up then and many times over I still love her for who she is and what she is all about. Likewise she feels the same about me. If there is anyone in our relationship that fucks up more it is myself. We are so forgiving and understanding about each other I expect we will remain the best of friends till death does part us. In answer to Just's questions, yes I am in such a relationship. I totally agree with the position presented as an individual should have control over their life with only support and guidance for everything they do as long as it doesn't affect the other negatively. The partners in a marriage should always be cheering each other on. Have you ever watched a gaggle of geese flying in their vee formation? The lead goose heads into undisturbed air making it easier for the remaining geese to fly along his wing tip. After a while he drops back and another will take the lead in order to preserve energy. All the while the following geese are continually honking or cheering each other on. That's how a marriage should be, always cheering each other on. As for being a slave to emotions everybody has emotions to deal with. Emotions of jealousy, hatred, and selfishness along with love, pleasure, and peacefulness along with many more are all part of the human make up. This and intelligence is what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. People allow themselves to be a slave to an emotion. Many times it is unwarranted. Take the emotion of fear for example. All humans are fearful at one point or another. Except that fear is really an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real. If one can conquer this emotion they will find life is full of experiences they might miss based on fear. Sex is a human need as much for pleasure as it is for health and propagation of our race. There are many emotions that surround sex. One being love. Just for fun doesn't like using the term "make love" but I do. When I have sex I am loving the pleasure it brings and loving the partner who is giving me that pleasurable feeling therefore I am making love. This is the only point in which I disagree with Just for fun on. The human being is capable of expressing endless love not only for one person but for an infinite number. There are different levels of love expressed in each one of us. Love for ones children is different than the love for ones parents but it is still an emotion of love. That's why I can love my sex partner, if only for the time we are together, while I still love my spouse more than any other person in the world. So to me sex and love go hand in hand.
Fact of life. Post breakup sex is fantastic. The woman is willing to do a lot more, is into it more... pretty much just like how it was when you first met. But then... once you both get into the groove of life again... she drops back out. Repeat. Women, particularly post child bearing years, and even more as they age - don't want or need sex a quarter of what we as men do. (Speaking generally of course) Men who do not have a low-T issue have pretty close to the same sex drive throughout their lives. Women - drop substantially as years go by. (again... generally) Also women use sex for purposes other than sex. They will use sex to get something they want, or withold sex to get something they want. Such as it is.
Interesting you said, "They will use sex to get something they want, or with hold sex to get something they want." One week after my friend got married he wanted to get naked with his wife and she said "no I don't feel like it." He left for 3 days. When he returned everything in the sex department was fine for years to come. She has no idea where he went and he never told her.
========================= Since I am of the Yogic/Hindu/Buddhist/Tao, internal understanding, dual self nature I must say I really like your in-depth comment. On that one point that you disagree about “making love,” think about it this way. There are 2 ways to understand the word “love.” The one definition that is most used and understood is the emotional love where it is used a verb. Making love in this definition is an action made by a person capable of doing so. A person can easily say I am in love with you so I we will “make love” with you. But this is based on a thought. An emotion is the shadow of that thought. I think I love her so my stomach gets butterflies. Now I am in her panties making love. Then you move in together and you come home one day early and see a guy exiting the window carrying his pants. Then this thought immediately changes and the shadow feeling once again goes straight to the stomach because it becomes “hate.” Now, she is a fucking, cheating bitch and you want to kill them both. ============== The other “love” is not a verb it is a noun. You don’t make it, you become it. The simplest example is, can you hate a shady cab driver in Iran?” The most common answer is yes because he is probably a terrorist. A person who “is love” looses that ability to hate anyone for any reason and loves ALL equally period, without any judgment ever. I’ve been with my girl 23 years. She is simply my experience for now, and I am her’s. If she or I want sex we fuck, suck, discuss, explain, etc. We satisfy each other. We never MAKE LOVE because we are LOVE and we both understand that. I won’t ever catch her cheating because she knows she doesn’t need to because if she needs another experience in the sex department she is open to it with or without me there. I feel I needed to explain my position on the one area where we do not agree.
