Emotionaly Immature Or something worse?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by MegaCore, May 25, 2007.

  1. MegaCore

    MegaCore Member

    well the last 2 years ive just been enjoying the single life in every way possible, i love my freedom, i am a very solitary person, whos always looking towards the horizon, i like to travel & meet new people all the time, its an easy life, not much responsibility i guess, can always just leave your mistakes behind you in the dust...
    when i am doing this i am always happy & i almost never have emotional problems. i mean its not like u can have a one nighter with a guy & then get emotional the next day. youd feel like a dooshbag right?
    this last month i have fallen in love with a guy for the first time in almost 2 years, & one month into it, we are starting to fight, i think the problem is that i am emotionally insecure, i mean, im going through days where i pick everything he says to pieces & if he roles over in bed & doesnt give me cuddles i will lye awake thinking he doesnt care about me....i really love him, but im starting to feel miserable being in a relationship, i dont want to be in love, i want to go back to my normal crazy carefree self & have a new fling everyweek, & never have to deal with real emotions.
    I didnt realise i had all these psychological issues untill i met someone i realy cared for, & now im running us into the ground, & creating complications between us out of nothing, why cant i relax in a serious relationship. i constantly feel restless & blame him for my boredom, i think because our chemistry is so intense i expect him to entertain me all the time & when he doesnt i get hurt cos i think he is losing interest...sometimes i think about breaking up with him & flying solo again but i know i would have regrets, but it seems like such a big challenge getting past these emotional issues i have... i dont want to screw this up, i mean when i feel an emotional build up comming on it manifests itself in the worst way possible, are there some kind of techniques to control this?
     
  2. Don't run away from this. you have to get over this hump. you seem to have this fear of being love. you run away from it, and when you find it you subconsciously sabotage.
    many people do this, my dad was the same way. What you have to do is except that some one cares for you becuase you are you. just because they don't do something (like cuddle or anything els) doesn't mean there feelings for you have gone.
    trust that they will be there.
     
  3. Musikero

    Musikero Supporters HipForums Supporter

    Well, you did spend the last two years enjoying your single life and just being free and independent. So it's only natural that now that you're in a relationship again you feel restless. You're not used to being in a relationship and being tied to someone else.

    Which is probably why you're insecure. Just relax...and if you're feeling bored and restless, well, try to get used to being bored and restless some of the time. That's the difference between a fling and a long-term serious relationship. Flings are all about fun and excitement and as soon as you get bored it's "See 'ya!" But what you have is a long-term relationship, and although there will be many exciting and fun times there will also be times when you will be bored simply because you're spending a lot of time together. That being said, you can however minimize boredom by creating spaces in your togetherness. Spaces where you can each have time apart from each other so that when it's time to be together again you'll be excited.

    Oh, and relax - try not to overanalyze his words and actions. I think the reason why you're torturing yourself is because this is the first serious relationship you've had in years, and you realize how precious it is so you don't want it to go wrong. Which is good - BUT the problem is you're so afraid of screwing up that you actually ARE screwing up. Ever notice that when we are so afraid of something going wrong, that something is more likely to go wrong? I think that's what's happening to you. You're like a singer who's so afraid of hitting the wrong note that she ends up hitting it. So relax, have a little more faith in yourself and your relationship.
     
  4. MegaCore

    MegaCore Member

    thanx guys i think thats pretty spot on advice, but things are going downhill rapidly, he has anxiety so he cant handle my mood swings cos they affect him badly, ive never been with a guy that didnt know what to do to calm me down, im trying really hard to change, but hes not being supportive, hes just getting mad at me & saying that im making his anxiety worse which in turn is making me feel down about myself for stuffing up so much, & then i try harder not to stuff up & stuff up more.....i really want us to get out of this cycle, its such a hard relationship, after only one month together we are facing all these obsatcles. personal ones & ones together, i feel like the problem is i can see that i am fucked up & i am trying in every way possible to change, but he doesnt realise that he is not perfect either & that we have to work on it together, instead every fight we have ends up being my fault for starting it even when im begging for forgiveness, hes like no its tooo late youve got me worked up & i cant let it go...
     
  5. Carlfloydfan

    Carlfloydfan Travel lover

    eventually you will want something more meaningful than a fling. they are so easy. put things into perspective. the right relationship will allow you to feel more free than any number of flings ever will.
     

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