ED need some advice please

Hey Everyone!

I'm going to try my best to make this as short as possible but it might drag on because of a lot of important details.

So I'm a 37 year old man, I was out of the dating game for about a year maybe a few dates and no sex for over a year. I've been battling health issues, ms and anklosing spondilitis as well as depression so I've been working on myself a lot.

Recently I've been feeling super fit and happy/healthy so I've been motivated to meet women. I met someone 6 weeks ago and it's been amazing! We make each other laugh, have so much fun together and I truly feel like I have the best connection with her than anyone else I've met. I'm also very sexually attracted to her and the feeling is mutual. I've actually never been more comfortable and happy in my entire life when I'm with her.

So the problem I'm having is my ability to maintain an erection and to ejaculate.
I've never really had a problem with cumming with other partners in the past and we have had sex 7 times now and only came twice. But I make her cum every time and I absolutely love it.

I get the feeling she is really hurt by the fact I cant ejaculate or stay hard. Maybe she thinks I don't find her attractive or we are not sexually compatible. I can orgasm when I masturbate but with her I have a tough time. I also seem to lose my erection and have a difficult time maintaining and holding an erection. I seem to be able to stay super hard once I'm inside her but then I think I start to worry that I might not be able to get off or please her or what if I lose my erection again. Basically I believe it's psychological. Also there is the ms thing. When my body temp goes up, everything below my chest can sometimes go numb..

Another smaller issue is we started off our relationship really fast, It was moving way too quick for her. She just got out of a 8 year relationship and I think I came on a bit strong at first which started to kill the attraction for her I believe but we had such a great connection and bond we decided to take things a bit slower. Mainly I decided to chill a bit because of fear I would drive her away.

So I truthfully don't really know what we are right now I know shes not ready to be exclusive with me but were just hanging out enjoying each others company and seeing where it goes.

I hope this didn't come off too convoluted. I would be so greatful for any advice

Sean

 

If you taking medication for depression then forget about getting a hard on!

 

To much information. I almost didn't go back and read your post. The first three sentences tells enough needed information for an internet forum.

By ms I am assuming you mean multiple sclerosis. Do you see a neurologist? If so he/she might not care about your ED and just treat what he/she knows. See a urologist that deals with sex issues. Consider implants too. Modern medicine can help you but you will have to ask the right questions. Also follow the KISS formula.

 

First and foremost, this is more common than you think.
Like you, I was without sex for several years. Several years. I was in a sexless marriage and divorced about 6 years ago now.
After some time past I met a great woman in 2016. Like you, I have never been this compatible and comfortable with someone in my life.
Sex was a problem. I could get an erection at the flip of a switch, but maintaining it was not happening. Since I had no problems masturbating I was caught off guard and surprised.
I also was only able to cum maybe 10% of the time. Frustrating as hell. It was causing some issues, because she was believing it was her. Maybe I should have someone younger, or maybe she wasn't sexy enough or good in bed. ALL was not right. AT ALL.
Fast forward till now. We are now married. We still get along really-really well. I love this woman, and she loves me. Sex is not an issue anymore. Rarely, like maybe 5% of the time do I have an issue, and when it does happens, it's no big deal. It'll work just fine next time.
How did it stop?
1) As long as you are worried about it, and even more you think she is worried about it... the longer it will be before the problem goes away.
2) Talk about it. And when you are finished. Talk about it again. And then some more. Getting past this is all dependent on getting through the anxiety you are feeling. You need to be confident she is okay with it. That the relationship you have is what is really important. Once the two of you get past the anxiety that "it's going to fail, I know it!" and just truly relax..you will have setbacks, you will get better and slip back...expect it. Talk about it. Concentrate not on fixing the problem, but enjoy everything else.
Do this - and it will go away my friend. The fact you are not having issues masturbating, is a clear sign the problem is not physical but mental.
Good luck.

 

Thank you so much for that reply Iamjustme, that really made me feel a lot better about the situation. I think I'm putting too much emphasis on the sex and intercourse where I should be just enjoying her company and our time together. And deep down I truly feel like she cares a lot about me and things will all work out.

Thanks again my friend.

 

Hi Sean, how about some truth, if you want a sex life of some kind, first there is an implant, with this you can have sex when ever you want it if your in nthe USA and have good medical insurance one has you has your name on it, all you do is just see your dick doctor and your away.

The next way is just getting your meds sorted out and get on meditation and you could try NOWHARDS MIX but you need to try the 12 week start up all very natural and not a drug in site you just Google it its on pegym.com its something that I put together and its a powerful mix. it will clean your blood, good clean blood makes for some good erections and one last thing its free, just mix as I say, I will come back to you.

 

I agree, Jane and I were friends for about 4 years before we had a sexual relationship and we are still together more than 40 years later.
Bouncing up and down in bed can get very boring, particularly for most women who vastly prefer closeness without sex for all except 3 or 4 days every month.
Making sex the backbone of a relationship is the quickest way to burn it out.

 

To be honest the thing that got me all wound up recently is I had plans with her on Wed. Night and the previous few days we were exchanging some sexy text messages and I went out for a 6 hr psyco bike ride Wednesy morning. And by the time I got to her place I was already shattered.. While we were cuddling and chatting after I lost my erection she suggested that maybe we are not sexually compatible which really stung because I believe we are but I'm the one holding us back from having great sex which really hurts.

 

The problem was not with the day, but with the period leading up to it.

When you were planning to meet her, other than jumping into bed, what else had you planned,? Going to the theater, cinema, visiting an art gallery, shopping, a country walk, or what.??? Did you even plan a meal, either at a restaurant, or discussed what she was going to cook for you both. Did you bring some wine.
If you did none of those things, all her expectations were on your sexual performance. She probably spent time thinking about it and deciding what to wear.
Then you arrive and promptly fall asleep.

If you were a music lover, you would not want to listen to the same piece of music every day for 40 years. Likewise, however much you liked roast beef, you would not want to eat it for breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper every day.
When you jump into bed, their are very limited number of things that you can do without jumping out of the window, before the boredom sets in.after a few weeks.

Does my light hearted approach make sense to you. Sex is the icing on the cake, not your entire life expediencies.

Some years ago, a guy I worked with fell madly for a girl and they quickly moved in together, without knowing each others tastes in anything outside the bedroom.
I dropped in to visit them few weeks later and the house was a filthy tip. The bedroom was full of take away pizza boxes, some with the moldy remains of half eaten food, so you can imagine the smell.
Their relationship survived for 6 weeks.

You really need to take a serious look and your expectations in life and how your potential partner fits into the equation.

 

wait, do the british eat 4 meals a day?

 

Some of us night owls eat supper before we go to bed. However, we then tend to skip the full English breakfast.

 

Sometimes 5 meals a day, one has to keep ones strength up for a good sex life.

 

You haven't heard of second breakfast? Elevensies?

 

Consider yourself lucky! Ejaculation for men typically is the problem, only it happens before their woman can finish up. Does your partner have an orgasm?

 

That makes it five.

 

But elevenses is just a cup of tea, not a meal.

 

She's only orgasmed from penetration once so far out of about 8 times having sex. But she says its really difficult for her to cum from the D. But I've made her orgasm every time and I love it.

 

You might want to employ a vibrator because that's what usually works.

 

When in doubt, reach for Bob (Battery Operated Boyfriend)!