Eating Disorder

i'm sorry, but that really offends me. who has a body like this, and what exactly are you implying here? that people should start measuring themselves to see if they change size since those with eating disorders have a skewed view of themselves?? or is this the new ideal we should go for? sheesh.... the point is to relax about your looks... to lessen the idea of how important your image is to others (because honestly, most people don't even notice) and to just.... lessen the importance of it all... because it becomes an obsession that takes over your brain and makes you feel like shit all the time.

 

yeah.

it irritated me, too.

 

coketree, did u see my post #527?

http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2926022&postcount=527

 

tigerlily,

The poster in question was having difficulty with self-image.

I was merely offering her help by providing the classic standard by which all females are judged.

36 24 36 is merely a guideline for females (developed by the male collective unconscious) over generations.

Hotwater

 

hey, yea im sorry i havnt written in a while, things have been busy. im still workin both jobs and im busier than ever. i really have no other explanation for why i feel i must keep all of my commitments other than the fact that it DOES keep me busy and i have little time to think and deal with my life and the feelings in it. an update on the guys: two of them are gone, and the one left is just not adding up to what i thought he might.

but ive got a whole new batch of guys that ive got eyes for :/....

 

Ever been to Brazil?

 

so what do people understand by 'recovery'?

& how is it different to 'cure'?

 

Hi there....

Eating addictions comes in a couple of forms, i.e. some people are bulimics while others are anorexia. Bulimics will go on eating binges, while anorexia will strive hard to avoid food. Anorexia eating addictions causes the person to binge while eating, or else cut back on food, while the person places the finger in the mouth to cause vomiting. The issue for the person is gaining weight. On the other hand, bulimics will eat, eat, and eat simply because they cannot get enough. The person often feels regret after overeating, yet they lose control and eat more.

Other types of problems come from addictions, including obsessive-compulsive disorders, which mean the person is obsessed with food to fulfill a need, and compulsive to eat to relieve an area of trouble. With eating disorders in mind, and primary the two being bulimic and anorexic, the variants extend to, including bingers, grazers, etc.

Eating Addictions

Marvin.

 

In my dorm, you can always tell the womens bathroom b/c it has fliers about eating disorders plastered in the stalls, on the doors, on the walls, etc. It's a little overkill, plus I think it ignores the male aspect. My ex-room mate probably had an eating disorder b/c he hardly ever ate and my bf got all worried about his weight when his family made fun of him and he wanted to stop eating altogether! (luckily, we worked through that period and he is eating healthier.) Eating disorders can affect men too.

Peace and love

 

Recovery can mean different things to different people, I think.
Because, to me, recovery for this, is like recovery for an alcoholic, you always have to be aware and not slip up, so that you dont go spiraling back into the bad patterns.

But some people that recovery is rather a "cure"

In my opinion, I also think that it depends on how long you've been affected with the eating disorder... if you get help sooner, you probably have a better chance of recovering, and not relapsing as much or not at all. If you do it later, it can take many many years, otherwise, result in just a constant switch between recovery and relapse (that's what I deal with)

The biggest part is "curing" your thought patterns, which is very difficult. It takes a lot of work, and lot of GOOD professional help.

In my experiences with recovery, the first thing they will do is evaluate your triggers, how much you're eating, what you're eating, your fears...and work from there.. when you might be more physically recovered, as in eating better, they will clear up the emotional leftovers.

That's my problem... I have trouble clearing up the emotional leftovers... But I have come much farther than I have in the past.

 

I'm anorexic. The thought of eating fat scares the shit out of me and when I do eat, its only fat free or I'll have a full-blown panic attack.

I hate the way I look and I don't understand it...I have a natural tendencyto be skinny and I had been all my life. It wasn't until I was 13 and a friend made an innocent joke about my 'double chin'. Did I actually have a double chin? I don't know,because I'd never paid attention to what my body looked like until then. People always talked about how skinny I was but when my friend said that, I stopped eating.

I'd eat only every few days, and I got down to 5'6", 95lbs. I was so happy then. Then the doctor said they'd have to hospitalize me if I lost any more weight and it pissed me off, couldn't they see how happy I was being thin? That was when I started feeling sick to my stomach all the time, every waking hour. I was hospitalized after not eating for 5 days and they thought I was lying about feeling sick, but I wasn't. The doctors were gonna do a fuckin psychiatric evaluation, which godfuckingknows, I need. I'm a headcase and I know it, but my mom likes to deny it and won't let me get help. So she signed me out of there before they could evaluate me.

After that, I started taking my grandma's nexium and paxil, to see if my chronic nausea was a sign of acid reflux and the paxil to help me be well...not this goddamned depressed. At 95 lbs,i wasnt skinny enough. Neither helped.

Eventually my nausea went away and now I'm 16, 5'7", and 130lbs. I see myself as fatter than ever except this time, my mental state is deteriorating and continuing to and my mom is always bitching at me for being paranoid, anxious, suicidal, depressed...the list goes on. I've stopped having periods and my skin is dry and painful, caused by the lack of vitamin K and D, I think,which are two vitamins which need fat to be absorbed into the body. I don't knowwhat I'm doing to myeslf but lately with the voices in my head screaming, EAT, EAT! i know i like food cuz of the taste but food means calories, which are bad. i need to lose weight again and i still only eat fat free and try not to eat at all but eventually i break down and eat to shut up the voices in my head..yea. audible voices. they never really shut up for good. When I eat one voice shuts up but the others begin to mock me for my lack of self control, my lack of being able to resist food. I won't let myself stop moving, whether it be shaking my leg, lifting weights, doing situps, running, etc. I just need to keep moving to "burn calories". If I eat one thing I'll eat a day's worth and hate myelf, go out and exercise for a long time, chew gum and beat myself up for it, cause gum has 5-20 calories a piece. Damnit. I know i need help but my mom will keep denying it until I'm dead, or get committed by somebody else. I just wanna end...or go to live in the world inside my head which I create, where I'm safe from calories and fat and people. I no longer talk to people in everyday life, i give up on them. They call me insane. I've quit school becaue of my fear of people...its fucked up i just wish i could get help. But the other me doesn't want to,saying I'll be fine. And I will befine. Its hard choosing which person to be today, which voice among the several in my head to listen to. Add the real people telling me what to do and myhead is spinning....

 

I slipped up today and ate some rice krispies with skim milk
then started eating potatoes with salt and thought about the salt making me retain water
and what if the carbs converted into fat
and how hungry i was
then my mom came home with a bottle of coke and i thought about how much i missed sugar...that taste...the rancid taste of aspartame...
so i drank some
then i had to babysit and the kid's mom called me asking if i wanted burger king and the first thought that came to mind was 'jesus christ no. fat.' and i said i'd ate but she suspects me already of having an ED so i settled for coke...
goddamnit and it was a large; a fucking large.
i drank most and felt horrible.
i'm sitting here now feeling insane and about to go rip my skin to shreds and walk all night to feel the wonderful soreness and satisfaction of knowing i burned all those calories...
but then i know i can't really walk all night and i wonder if i fall asleep how many calories i burn sleeping.
i can't sleep. i must stay up and do situps. but then, i'll be awake and hungry, wanna eat again which leads to more exercise and madness if i dont' eat cuz the voices beat me up more than i ever could and i wish i could beat myself up as hard as they do cuz then i'd never eat for days on end...but that "me" won't come out to play right now...i'm stuck with this one who is hungry and has nothing but madness and no apparent self control...

 

if you hadn't quit school i would tell you to talk to a school nurse or counselor about your ED... since you've quit, i'd suggest looking for a free clinic or sitting your mom down and telling her how much you want and need help. force her to do something to help you. ask her to help you, tell her how you feel. i hope you find the help you need. good luck.

 

Thanks....i just can't bring myself to ask her though. She's got enough shit going on with herself. I don't wanna bring to light my problems...I'm stuck waiting it out until I'm 18 I suppose? I never could talk about anything with her, even a couple years ago when I was forced to go to counseling by my school counseler I didn't talk about anything with my mom or the counseler, for that matter. I don't really know why. I dont' trust people at all.

 

so what's going to change when you turn 18?

 

when I turn 18 I can see somebody w/o my mom knowing.

 

My psychiatrist thinks I may have over exercise bulimia. I think this is absurd. I eat a normal amount, I am not fat or skinny, but medium. I do exercise a lot but that's because I have anxiety and as soon as i exercise for a couple of hours I feel better.
Today I didn't exercise at all and as a result I feel panicky, was extremley agitated today and feel so selfconcious it is unbarable. I took a xanax, I even smoked a bowl and it won't go away. I also started my period the other day. COuld it just be moodiness from that?
Anyone diagnosed with this? What are you like?

 

god damn that's weird after that post. how much do you exercise? I don't think like that at night only during the day but I don't relate it to food either.

 

I wish I could say something useful, like I could before. Im half trying to recover, and half holding onto my disorder... it's pure anxiety. I hate every fucking second, and I think I just cant get into detail because it's too stressful.

But... <3 to all of you, as always, I still read it everyday

 

lynsey:

I exercise whenever I can...like walking around the neighborhood just to walk and pacing when i can't be outside. And I do situps and pushups alot. I just always need to be moving, its not like an anxious thing cuz I get sick of moving all the time and want to stop butif I stop I'll freak out and get all panicky cuz I'm letting the calories just sit there and make me fat...but yea...its definitely food related.