Eating Disorder

Ever had or HAVE one?

What kind? I dont want this to become somewhere where people who dont have food issues to come and get 'tips' but i do want to be able to talk about how your manage your 'disorder,' just because it feels a lot safer than talking to a parent or friend.

So go ahead, share.

 

i had bulimic tendencies and actions but stopped it before it got outta hand or a full disorder.

 

i've struggled with anorexia/anorexic tendencies for about 5 years now....though not nearly so much anymore. it took me all that time to come to the realisation that there are so many things that matter so much more than my weight, appearance, or sense of control....and having realised this, i'm finding that my ED's largely fading out of my life. i guess that's how i manage it...keep my focus on others and allow that to occupy the space once inhabited solely by disordered thinking. had no idea how much time, energy, and just LIFE an ED steals until i started letting go of it....

i do still count calories and go for long runs if i eat too much, but even these last two holdouts are losing their importance in my life.

 

I've been both Anorexic and Bulemic. Diagnosed at 9 years old with Anorexia, amd the Bulemia showed up in my teenage years. I've avoided my physically destructive habits for quite some time now, but I still struggle with a distorted self image and self esteem issues, and I go through my times where I obsess over my weight and what I eat to the point of ridiculous. It can take over my life at times, which is something I struggle with. I am slowly trying to come to terms with myself, and love who I am, no matter what. It's a difficult road, but I feel that I can get there.

 

People think I have an eating disorder.
But I don't so and I never have.
I'm just ridiculously conscious of what I put into my body.
9 out of 10 times I'll refuse what people give to me because its either not vegan or not organic.
Yes, I'm a bit of a prick to eat with...
Otherwise I LOVE food, especially healthy homemade food.

 

oh god, this could get long...
I've had a huge history of anorexia and bulimia, sometimes separate from each other, and sometimes both at once.

It started when I was about 11, and progressed from there. I don't even know how it started to tell you the truth, nor do I remember how or why I started eating so little. I just remember that all my friends were so worried and always taking me to the school counselors office and I couldn't understand why they were so worried, because I honestly thought I was okay.

When I hit 13, I started abusing laxatives. It became a problem, I started bleeding, and I stopped.... the anorexia continued until I was about 15 or 16, sometimes stronger than other times; when I was about 15 or 16, it took a turn for the worse. I began abusing laxatives again, on top of abusing diuretics, diet pills, ephedra, physically purging, and over exercise. A larger case of bulimia than I had ever experienced. My mom immediately took me to a therapist that specialized in E.D.'s.

Before things started getting better, the disorder took a turn back to the anorexic tendencies and there were periods of as much as 10 days where I wouldn't eat a thing, except drink some water. I was starting to pass out multiple times a day...It was getting to the point where I couldn't ignore my problem anymore and it was destroying my body, my quality of life, and my happiness. So, I took it upon myself to listen to what my therapist had to say for once...and started improving bit by bit...

I met my fiancee when I was 17. He met me when I was about 5'6" and only 90 pounds. I remember the first time I had a date with him, I passed out because I hadn't eaten in 5 days.

He became worried and started joining me when I went to my therapy sessions.

It helped a lot, because what I was too afraid to mention, he would for me.

Finally, things started getting better, and I went vegan. When I went vegan, it was a major help to me, because the whole disorder centered around my constant obsession with self control and making a huge step like going vegan, really helped center that in a healthy way for me.

It's been just over a year now and I consider myself recovered.

The thoughts, and bad self-image pop up every now and again, but now I have control of it.

It was just a constant battle.... and this is just a brief summary of all that it entailed.... this doesn't even cover all the fuckin pain my parents had to endure, the boyfriends and friends that I lost, the long-term/permanent bodily damage I did to myself, the lack of a real high school diploma [because I missed so much school because I was bed ridden, I had to end up getting an HSED my last year of school because I was too far behind]

etc.

If you're struggling with an E.D. right now I STRONGLY STRONGLY urge you to get help for it NOW. The sooner the better. You don't want to go through the grusome shit that I had to. Trust me.

 

thnak you for sharing. i very much appriciate it.

 

No problem at all. Feel free to PM me if you want to elaborate on the topic at all

 

yes and I honestly wish I were anorexic again.

 

that's a terrible thing to say....

 

i think i am on the path to anorexia (or maybe i already am there), and it's weird because i know that it's a bad thing, but i really don't want to eat more because i feel like i already am bigger than i want to be.

i count calories, and i did write down everything i ate (every single bite) but it started to take over my life to where i didn't think about much else. i would always round up calories to the nearest hundred (if i ate something that was 150 calories, i'd count it as 200, and if i didn't know, i would over-estimate) and if i went over 1,700 (which was actually probably only 1,300) i would feel really bad about myself. i'd have to go for a run or do crunches. not that i would feel good about myself if i rounded out at 1,000. then i would just stand in front of the mirror and imagine how much thinner i could be.

i don't know why i'm speaking in past tense . it's only in the past if you count my last meal as "past". the only difference is instead of writing things down, i only keep a mental list.

my advice is try to eat lots of things that aren't packaged, so you judge whether or not you need to eat on your hunger instead of numbers.

 

i seem to agree with you a lot about things that is exactly what i was gonna say

i didnt say it because i started to think if that is really how she feels, its less terrible and more sad. i blame society for this... if she does have a few extra pounds, there are healthy ways to deal with it without resorting to extremes that arent healthy and dont work.

if she doesnt... or has a more curvy body type... she should realize curves and a little extra weight are sexier really then being too thin.... as long as you are healthy you show apprieciatte a few pounds.

i was too skinny for a long time (just by my body type)- and when i gained some weight.... even maybe a little too much i still looked better to most people and more alive

 

I agree interval.

Something really disturbed me the other day, and that's part of why what she said bothered me a lot...

I am a member of xanga, and came across a girls profile which had a big banner across the top that read: "Anorexia is a lifestyle not a disease"

It made me want to put my fist through the screen. After all the pain I went through in dealing with my eating disorder, seeing and hearing things like that make me so upset inside. It IS a disease.

One time, when I went to the doctor while I was still recovering, I asked the nurse to weigh me facing backwards [for obvious reasons] and she asked why, I told her and she said "Oh sometimes I wish I could be anorexic!"

My mom was with and instantly turned red in the face and said "NO YOU DON'T!"

It's terrible that even those who should know better....still just don't.

 

its pretty scary. i work with a girl who i beleive is honestly anorexic. i cant explain the tear in my heart i feel whenever i see her say something about food- because i COMPLETLY understand what shes saying.

but its not even about food. im so confused. what is it all about?
its not that i want to look like a rail. i dont. its not that i just dont like food, cause i do. its almost like im in some kind of denial towards every aspect of my life just so i can 'win' over food.

ive started a lot of fights with my mom lately that make no sense. i yell at her becasue she seems to plan events all around what we will be eating (ex. birthday cake at a birthday). i know its dumb, but at the time, i just get so fustrated. WHY does EVERYTHING have to be about food? i also got mad at her because she bought me cereal with yogurt bites in it instead of the low carb version of all-bran. (one of the only foods ill let myself eat).my mom must really love me to deal with all that. i dont know what im turning into.

but i really dont think id stop it either, which is the scary thing. talking about it now its easy to say "yea ill stop," but as soon as lunchtime rolls around, i know i will head to the library by myself to escape the situation entirely.

 

I used to get weighed facing backwards, or close my eyes, and I would tell the nurse not to tell me what the scale read. Some of those stupid women would announce my weight out loud anyway even after I had begged them not to. Now what the heck was that about? Shouldn't there have been some compassion? I suppose I could have reported it to the doctor, but I didn't. Now I just refuse to get weighed. I get attitude for it, rolled eyes, sighs of irritation, but I'm not going to step on the scale and end up hysterical and obsessing over the numbers. My husband has forbid me to have a scale in the house. It's a good thing too, because I could easily become obsessed with the numbers again.

If I were able to choose, I'd definitely choose not to have an eating disorder. At times, it totally controls my life, and that's no way to live.

 

I've never had any eating dosorder but I know people who have and they are horrible - but why is it always women? I know a few men get it to though

I dont think anyone can understand an illness unless they have it themselfs and from my point why waste food, why use resorces when you can diet - as I said I dont understand them but thats whats its like to me!!!!!!

 

I know how you feel to a T....
It makes me sad to hear other people who deal with that, but at the same time its comforting...does that make sense? Because most people DONT understand it...when someone actually does, it's like FINALLY...

Since I'm almost 20 I don't get in fights with my parents over food very much anymore, but I know how that scenario goes, most definitely.

I remember my dad always trying to take me out to eat because he knew I had a problem, and I would try not to order anything and he would scream, or if I did I would only take a few bites and we would fight, in the middle of the restaurant. It was terrible, humiliating, and I felt bad, but I couldn't seem to be any other way.

I think I'll always have an issue with it, if not physically, always mentally... It's something that I really have to work to control, otherwise it attacks me again. It's honestly the worst aspect of my life....

I can't even get into detail because it's almost too gutwrenching to physically type it out...

And to anyone who really thinks an ED is just about losing weight and being "pretty" ... think again.
I lost so much of my life thanks to this fucking demon. And I get to spend the rest of my life battling it, to keep it away, and keep myself healthy.

 

Well I give you props for admitting you don't understand because a lot of people seem to have troubles admitting they don't know things. That's the biggest issue centering around EDs is, too many people think they know, when they really don't.

I honestly believe that many men have eating disorders but fail to admit it and acknowledge it. Guys, from what I noticed, rarely admit when they are ill with ANYTHING. And something that society has already stereotyped as a "woman" problem, makes it even harder for guys to feel comfortable in fessing up to dealing with something like an eating disorder.

I know so many guys who work out for hours and hours everyday, but no one thinks anything of it because society leads us to believe men SHOULD do that to be buff and all that crap, but in reality.... it's just as much of a problem. If a woman worked out 6 hours a day, she'd most likely be diagnosed with an eating disorder.

And the fact that some of those men go to lengths such as taking steroids and what have you, are common traits of an eating disorder. Just because they aren't diet pills, and it isn't a woman taking them doesn't make it any less.... see what I'm sayin?

There may or might not be as many men that have a problem with EDs, but I think there are a LOT more cases than anyone even knows of.

That's just my point of view though.

And, further more... I don't look past men with eating disorders by any means, because my dad struggles with one. He doesn't realize it, or want to...one of the two, but it's clear to everyone else.

In any time of stress, he decides to just stop eating. And that's that. And every other time, he's counting calories and being anal about everything he eats....more than anyone ever should be. If he eats a chocolate bar, then he will feel guilty about it, and go into this big long speech about why he shouldn't have eaten that and how he's going to get fat now.

My dad is skinny as hell and he's always complaining that he needs to lose weight.

I really believe that the biggest factor of my eating disorder is not just hereditary, but growing up around that...both my parents were like that, and I really think it sort of etched this idea in my head that controlling food is a BIG DEAL.

 

apples and oranges (wonder if that name relates..), thanks for being so open about this. its even hard for me to just talk about it to people just online because some part of me just keeps telling myself its really not that big of a deal and its not worth even discussing. i know what you mean- it is good to know that im not alone in this cave of feelings i have seemed to trap myself inside.

 

Well, I've been dealing with it since I was 11... I was so oblivious to it until I was 16. Maybe not so much oblivious as much as, I too didn't want to acknowledge that it was a big deal.

The only way I ever seem to ward off this demon is by talking about it. Unfortunately there isn't much of anyone in my real, waking life that I can talk to.

[p.s. Apples + Oranjes was chosen because I'm a big Smashing Pumpkins fan. The song is actually APPELS [spelled wrong] but I have mild dyslexia and typed it wrong lol]