So I drank two cans of %9 volume lager and dropped 4 strong benzos about two hours ago.I thought it would chill me out and maybe help me sleep but now I just feel groggy,monged out and badly zonked.I am not the healthiest of persons.Why do I do this to myself.Boredom I guess.I'm something of an addict and don't know how to change.Maybe I will sleep soon.I always wake up with anxiety and dread,and if I have money can easily drink half a bottle of vodka buy 9 am.Sorry to be depressing,I am just not a happy bunny.Please,no critical putdowns,I'm not in the mood.
Sorry to hear this. It is difficult but possible to free yourself from addiction. I might have some helpful suggestions about improving sleep if you are interested.
Thanks.Have no regular employment apart from running a few errands for a friend.I also have a mental health problem which I manage quite well but it is hard.I have interests and hobbies but find it hard to focus on them.I'm 44 and have been abusing my body for a long time.I go through non-addictive periods then binge.I could go into endless details about my problems but will spare you that. What advice do you have for sleeping?
You are welcome to go into endless details if you would like to. There is a Chinese medicinal herb called Lignum Aqulariae Agallochae that you can smoke or vaporize to help with insomnia, anxiety, and depression. Most of what I know about it comes from books by Bob Flaws. He seems to suggest that you can smoke it pretty freely without adverse side effects or contraindications. Vaping is probably best though, or burning it on an incense charcoal. You can use either the powdered or wood chip form. You have to source it carefully to make sure that what you are really getting is Aqulariae Agallochae. You also have to check to make sure you are getting adequate quality for a reasonable price. Historically this has been available for about $20 US for an ounce. You only need to burn a pinch or two at a time to get an effect, but more if you like. It also goes by other names like agarwood, eagleswood, oud, chen xiang, and others. You might be able to order this online, or from a traditional chinese herbal pharmacy. here's some search results I found: https://duckduckgo.com/?q=Lignum+Aqulariae+Agallochae+UK I can't vouch for any of the sources. Meditation and acupuncture might be good too, but the agarwood is cheap and easy, so might be a good place to start. There may be vocational rehabilitation service available to you. Getting a job might be therapeutic, as long as it doesn't put too much strain on you. There's more to say, but that's a good start.
There are Chinese medicine shops here in London where I live.I will check it out. This is becoming something of a real-time reality thread,as I just popped out for whisky spending money which I had put aside for food.Luckily a friend is lending me £15 on Monday and another mate is going dumpster diving for me on Tuesday.
I don't really want to hang my dirty washing out in public,buy must declare I am a moderate alcoholic.I just find unfiltered reality and normal consciousness unbearable at times,and just want to stay high.Some people celebrate that,but on another level it can be a depressing and expensive lifestyle,if you could call it that. I see a dual-diagnosis worker every two weeks.She is nice,but it's not really going to change me.I honestly think I will live like this until I get sick or die.
The Chinese herb valerian.....You make a tea out of it. It is a natural herb...relaxes and calms...but it stinks to high heaven. Cats love it like they do catnip, too.
...with a cure. Stop drinking. And I'm really trying not to be a dick here - but you need to get it together.
Hard to know what to say. Probably, you do need to come off the alc if you're drinking vodka before 9 am. It's hard to do, and I suspect their isn't much support out there that's much good. Have you ever though of AA? A friend of mine used to go to meetings and it did seem to help her stay off the pop. You could try the doctor - but I don't know what they can do other than give you pills which may help in the short term. I wish you good luck anyway. Maybe just the fact that you posted this means you do really want to do something to change your situation.
I'll be completely straight with you....and I know that you probably already know this but.....this will end one of two ways. You will die or you will hit "rock bottom" and get sober. Rock bottom is obviously different for everyone. Go back and reread what you've typed in this thread. 44 years old, no job, drinking half a bottle of vodka before 10 a.m., spending what little food money you have on booze and justifying it with the fact that you can borrow money and dumpster dive. Given the choice of food or booze...you choose booze. I'm not judging you at all and I don't think anyone else should either. The judgement is up to you. You have to decide if you're at rock bottom. Is now bad enough? How much worse will it get before you've had enough? You can change things with one simple decision. You just have to say "If had enough. I'm done". It might suck for a little while but things will get better. Things don't have to be the way they are right now. I wish you nothing but the best of luck.
try drawing pictures. i know that sounds like a dumb thing to suggest, but it might lead to finding something more interesting and gratifying in life.
I agree with both the recommendation to quit as well as the non-judgement. Pushing too hard on the quitting advice might backfire though. So it seems like IJ drinks in order to deal with stressful things, and too much pressure to quit may make him just tune out and drink more. I think IJ realizes that he has a problem, is able to admit it, has at least some desire not to live that way, and is getting some professional counseling. That itself is an accomplishment. Hopefully that will lead to him quitting some day soon. So I think that addicts have to struggle not only with their addiction, but with the problems that lead them to become addicts in the first place. Iron John, you live in London now, don't you? Living in big cities is pretty stressful for everyone, and that much more people with mental illness. Do you think there might be a better, lower stress place for you to move to? Maybe your dual diagnosis worker could help you. I think that you might be able to get more out of your visits with her if she knows that you have some active interest in changing your situation. Counselors may understand that pushing you too hard may be counterproductive, but could offer more help if they know that you are ready.
