drinking alone

I'm drinking alone right now. It's pretty fun, actually.

 

I used to drink whisky by myself, smoking cigars, in my tiny room with the lights off and the door closed, in total depression, pain, solitude...my hands and body shaking due to affectionate deprivation, and resenting the world at large. No music, no nothing. Sometimes contemplating suicide. Never again.


I have an alcohol problem so I figure it's best if I don't drink alone at all. And as of now I'm trying my best to avoid hard liquor.

 

sounds like Steppenwolf. You ever read it?

 

I drink with my friends Johnny Walker and Jimmy Beam.



:leaving:

 

I am absolutely ambivalent when it comes to this. I will isolate myself for the sake of "protecting" myself from what becomes a very threatening outside world; it gets to the point where I think I am forming agoraphobia. Then, at others, I let go of all my worries of whatever it is I found threatening and submerb myself into it, thinking along the lines of "can't beat them, might as join them." I have become a person of solitude, even though I feel that by nature I am very social, so the two are always fighting with one another (esp. with my insecurities), which leds to contrary behaviours often enough.

 

Never. I didn't think it was about that????

 

I am really, really intrigued by you. What are you're insecurities? I know you want to post them. PM perhaps?

 

Every once in awhile it's ok, but most times I'd rather another person or two!

 

No, not really, although I definitely am more outgoing with alcohol. Normally I'm quite shy in social situations.

I think for me, it's more of a trying to maintain "perfection" image-wise, like I always have everything under control, calm, cool, collected, and I view my alcohol consumption as a weakness on my part. :&