Dpt 32mgs I had some time to myself to go on a DPT journey this night, so I wanted to take advantage of this somewhat rare opportunity. However, I had to keep it low key and go off by myself as I didn't want people in the house (generally) to know that I was tripping or for them to wake up. I figured that it would be okay, as usually when I undertake these journeys, I can just meditate or lay down and be quiet and it's not obvious to anybody that I'm tripping because I'm just doing the same strange stuff I normally do (which sometimes does include spontaneous meditation, sleeping, yoga, trance art, music on headphones, or whatever). I weighed my dose (it said 28mg the first time, and then I weighed it twice more after putting the bag away.. now said 32mg so I suppose that was it) and then dosed myself. It was about the same dosage as usual, so I figured this trip would be at about the level of intensity it usually is... however, that did not turn out to be the case this time for some reason. Maybe it's because more of the powder was absorbed than usual through insufflation, or maybe it was just "one of those times" where I was more susceptible to the effects. I definitely got more than I had expected... not to say that I'm not glad that I had the experience. I still enjoyed the trip in a very strange way just because I take delight in altered perception of all sorts. Ten minutes after dosing, I already felt the effects quite strongly and was desperately trying to find a "safe haven" to go to. This rushing around might have affected my temperament for the trip and made me less relaxed than I usually am going into an experience. I find that it also may have led to my performance of an ongoing meta-analysis of the effects rather than me just being swept away like I usually am. I decided to go upstairs and take a bath because I knew that nobody would bother me there. After I got upstairs, I attempted to smoke some weed... but I was having difficulties doing normal things as every object was conceptually turning into something else. Each object still corresponded with and had the same relation to other objects around it as it normally did, yet the objects' functions seemed to have changed and I couldn't name them, which was a little confusing. Everything felt so momentous and important, as if there was a calm before the storm and I had to urgently finish what I was doing. I tried to get ahold of my "autopilot self" just for long enough to smoke a bowl, as this is something I often am able to do when tripping even if I'm completely psychedelically encompassed. This time, it didn't really work... I was able to take about 3 hits before coming to the conclusion that it was useless. This simple process took all of my effort, and I kept shaking. I kept looking over to the water as if it would save me from this predicament. I felt that as soon as I got into the bathtub, I would be able to just drift away and I wanted to do that instead of what I was currently doing. I gave up on smoking and took the bowl, weed and lighter (which were no longer a bowl, weed and lighter) and put them into what appeared to be a carrying device. It was my backpack. Instead of recognizing it as a backpack, when I came into contact with it I suddenly had an intense flash, cycling through various memories where I had used this backpack in the past. Maybe this was the "storm" I had been awaiting. I got into the water and my body instantly felt much better. I stretched out and decided to send my friend, W, a text message. I'd been talking to him earlier and he knew I'd be journeying tonight, and we had agreed to stay connected. Texting was extremely difficult, as my phone appeared to be warping sideways and the keys were actually sliding off the screen. I *never* get OEVs like that when tripping, so this really blew my mind actually! On top of that, the phone felt like it was being acted on by some alternate force similar to gravity, except it was rather a sideways or diagonal force. It felt as if my phone was being sucked into an invisible black hole off to the side, and this feeling was most bizarre! I was able to send my friend a short message update, but needless to say I didn't waste too much time with this. I put the phone down and continued to delve more into the strange 'wiring' of my mind... The aforementioned "technological" feeling persisted throughout the trip. It was as if I had been plugged into a computer and was rapidly downloading memories. I didn't feel like I was a spiritual or organic being; instead I felt like I was a piece of technology whose wiring was being crossed and changed in all sorts of crazy ways. I felt at the time almost like I was having brain surgery performed on me while awake (though I know that it would be much worse if that actually happened)... All of my sensory input was being sent to different places than usual, resulting in strange synesthetic blends of perception and usual sensations or feelings being processed in completely alternative ways and turning out perceptions that didn't make any 'sense' in the ordinary reality at all. It was bizarre to say the least, and I can only remember or put into words very few specific instances, but I'll think of a way to describe an example of something similar that pops into my head...The faucet would feel hot, which would trigger a vision of a friend's facial expression and my mindset and the way it felt outside when I was sitting in a pile of autumn leaves. I would look at the walls (which were covered in square spiral geometric shapes everywhere I looked; this trip actually brought about some of the most persistent open eye visuals I've had) and it would make me experience the emotion of nostalgia about nothing in particular. It made sense in some deep-rooted way based on some sort of psychedelic logic, but at the same time none of it seemed to have any basis in associative memory. I remember thinking of how random it actually was from some part of my mind at one of the times. Usually synesthesia feels a bit different than this for me.. this was a state of consciousness that I've never quite experienced. I thought about consciousness and wondered what in the world (our minds) caused things like entity contact and the notion that there was an invisible black hole in the room. I felt even more like a rewired computer. There were sensory overtones everywhere, like everything looked a bright yellow/orangish/pinkish color (somehow that made sense) and everything felt 'sharp', whatever that means. Everything in my surroundings correlated somehow to my mental state and the strange abstract thoughts upon thoughts I was experiencing. Everything was shrinking and growing, and the geometric patterns on the walls looked Aztec and pretty awesome. Even though I felt physically comfortable in the water, I was still shivering and kept wanting to stretch out. The bodily stimulation was sexual in nature as it usually is for me on DPT, and I enjoyed this. I wonder... why do I sometimes find a part of myself feeling like I "won't make it through" when I'm in the midst of a DPT experience? Every time this thought has ever crossed my mind while tripping, I've always known from a different part of my mind that I'm undergoing an amazing experience and wouldn't change it for the world. That definitely happened during this experience. The bringing together of opposites caused all of my feelings to blend together and become one, alternate back and forth or be experienced all at once. I was so overwhelmed by the sensory overload that this feeling was bordering on fearful or uncomfortable (but never actually fully crossed over to "that side")... I was balancing in between, just the way I like it. This feeling of "balancing on the edge in between" reminded me of one of my favorite quotes by Ann Shulgin, ( "You may find yourself on a cosmic knife-edge, with your soul balancing between vast, deep darkness on one side and an infinite stretch of light on the other. It is here, I believe, on this knife-edge inside us, that laughter is born."). And I did laugh indeed, at the craziness of it all. I was still so appreciative to be caught in the throes of this tryptamine intensity and palette of out of the ordinary perceptions, and I couldn't help but bask in it even with the uneasiness. When I put my head under the water, I could feel the vibrations of the house and the footsteps of somebody a floor down. I heard that somebody come up the steps and heard them go by the door, confirming my perception as true. Somehow, being in the water felt reminiscent of baptism (I was baptized when I was about 2 years old) or of being in the womb. I closed my eyes and floated on my back, letting my body go limp and my eyes (with glasses on still) and ears went under the water, but I could still breathe because my nose was still above the water. I wasn't even aware that I was doing this sometimes, but it happened a few times and I would lapse out of reality completely each time, then realize where I was and what I was doing and bring my head up, only to be submerged again (metaphorically and literally) a few seconds later. One time, I found myself completely submerged underwater and holding my breath. Of course, I automatically lifted my head up when I had to breathe. It felt like a difficult rebirth of sorts, and after that I knew it was time to get out of the water. I wasn't sure where to go after this. This unsure feeling was a somewhat pervading feeling throughout the experience. I think that if I had felt entirely comfortable in my own home this night, the trip would have taken on an entirely different nature. I went down to the middle floor, and tried to pass some time by 'skating' on the floor, which was hardwood. Each plank of wood was moving in and out of the other planks and the woodwork was turning into beings as it often does. I felt like I was ice skating, and it was a lot of fun. I also laid on the couch to myself and connected with W again, and I felt a connection between us as I had from time to time earlier. He told me the next time we spoke that he had felt our connection too, and it seemed that the times he gave me were the same times that I had thought of him throughout the experience. The rest of the experience was spent contemplating future plans (after I had evened out enough to actually remember and think about my life). I thought a lot about how I needed to be able to trip freely in my own home, and felt very happy that I would soon be liberated. There was also a time where I went downstairs on my own and did hand motions for what I call "energy transfers". I got such joy out of these hand motions and thought about how wonderful it might be to go trance dancing on DPT if I were in an environment I trusted. It is also worthwhile to note that this time, the DPT lasted for practically an hour and a half longer than it usually does! Over all, this experience was much more intense than I'd bargained for, but I was very happy with the results. I emerged feeling even more refreshed than usual; reborn. I wonder why this time it felt so much stronger than usual? Well, perhaps it was just one of those times.