Donya

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by sunflowerAlys, May 22, 2004.

  1. sunflowerAlys

    sunflowerAlys Member

    this was veeeeeeeeeery releasing to write. but see what you think. and tell me :)



    Smoke rising

    My father is

    sitting

    talking

    To my grandfather

    on the telephone

    through their grey or greying moustaches

    they discuss my grandmother

    who is ill

    half way

    around

    the world.

    time differences

    and politics

    shroud me from them

    and them from me,

    their granddaughter.

    I said hello

    But I’m lost for words

    (The smoke reminds me

    of when I was little)

    (and used to collect

    flowers)

    (Now

    I am big)

    My grandmother

    She is still

    ill.

    I watch the smoke rise,

    From the mouth

    through the moustache

    of my

    sitting

    talking

    father

    I imagine that it will

    eventually

    Join the clouds in the sky

    Half way

    around

    the world.
     
  2. VanAstral

    VanAstral Member

    that was cool
     
  3. lovely feelings of closeness here

    yet distance can wash the memories away
    like the smoke you write of travelling around the world

    lovely to read/
    love n peace from saff
     
  4. littleskinny

    littleskinny Member

    whimsical indeed! I like the use of parentheses.

    It's comforting, at the same time as sighing.
     
  5. sunflowerAlys

    sunflowerAlys Member

    cooooooool. thank you for all your replies. must get a dictionary.... i used parentheses and i dont know what they are. yay. but do they still count? since i dotn know what they are......


    hmmmmmmmmm.....
     

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