don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by coracao1, May 20, 2004.

  1. coracao1

    coracao1 Member

    can someone please give advice on this.........
    my boyfriend and i have been together for about 8 months now. i am ready to end the relationship. he is more serious than i am. i am only 19 and he is 26. he is ready for marriage, whereas i am not. i don't feel as happy with him anymore. i think he is spoiled and lazy. we have broken up in the past for a day or two and he always said that he wanted to kill himself.
    2 days ago i told him that i was thinking about leaving him or taking a break because i am no longer happy. he told me that he would do everything to keep me and that he does not want to live without me. he swore to me that he would kill himself if i left him. when he first told me about killing himself, i didn't believe him. now, i am afraid that he is for real. it is just the way that he said it. i feel like i have to leave him, but i don't want to be responsible for someone killing himself. i just can't figure out if he is for real or not.
    can someone please help me out on this

    any advice will help...
    thanks
     
  2. HappyHaHaGirl

    HappyHaHaGirl *HipForums Princess*

    Run away! I really don't know what to do. Try to let him down easy, and if he kills himself, then he's dead. It's not really your fault. He just has a problem. Or at least he did. Maybe you're really saving him???


    If you feel threatened at all, though, tell someone. Even if you're not sure, don't be embarrassed to let someone know. It could be okay, but then it couldn't be.

    I would tell him that you think you're too young to make any kind of commitment...you still have so much of your life ahead of you: school, travelling, etc., and you're not ready to settle down and be someone's bitch.

    Good luck!
     
  3. kier

    kier I R Baboon

    i know how hard it is to have someone do this to you...its happening to me right now :(
     
  4. Random Andy

    Random Andy Member

    My brother had a similar problem with one of his girlfriends once upon a time. It turned out she didn't kill herself though he still hasn't forgiven her for saying she would. If he really wanted to die he wouldn't tell you he wanted to kill himself he would just do it somehow. I think he's just seeking attention and he won't, in fact, do it. If all he can offer you is the fact that he won't die if you stay with him - it's time to leave him dearest. If you don't love him now I don't think you ever will and nor do you ay? What other valid reason is there to be in a long term relationship other than the fact that you love the person you're with?
     
  5. MrsA-Camper

    MrsA-Camper Member

    RUN GIRL!!! he won't kill himself. I've had more than one guy tell me that when I was younger, it is a CONTROL factor and he is manipulating you. He will try to control you, and this is emotional blackmail. He is taking advantage of your kind soul.

    If you don't love him, don't waste your time with him. That goes for all guys, not just this one. I spent quite a bit of my life trying to make things right between myself and whatever guy I was with, including wasting a decade of my life with my ex-husband. I kept thinking if I could only do (fill in the blank) then everything would be good... but now, being the old chick that I am, I have come to the conclusion that I cannot change anybody. Either they are, or they aren't what you need.

    Your life is too short to waste on someone who is pulling this trip on you.

    He won't kill himself. And if he does, YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE.
     
  6. coracao1

    coracao1 Member

    tnx for the advice

    i do think that i will leave. i do love him, but i love the man that i thought he was, not this guy who tells me he will kill himself. it does scare me that he says this and makes me wonder what he could possibly do to me if when he visits me (it is a long distance relationship). i just don't want to be that stupid girl who stays with him when he is just trying to manipulate me...
     
  7. Tiny dancer

    Tiny dancer Member

    This is not fair to you. This man is not respecting your feelings. If you are not happy with him, you sholdnt be with him. You have your own life. You shouldnt be in a one-sided relationship with someone. If he kills himself, thats not your fault. Manipulation is not good...he is trying to manipulate you into staying with him, or else he says he will kill himself (which is a threat u know). That is wrong. It seems he is being very selfish....he's only thinking of his own well being. If he truly loves you, he would never try to make you feel guily or manipulate or threaten you into doing something you dont want to. If he loves you, he should want you to be happy. You told him you are not happy....he should respect that.. I only ask you to take what i said into consideration, i may wrong about a lot that i wrote.... i just want to help your situation by giving u my views...the only way i CAN help, i guess. i have No idea hwo u should end this relationship, but, i think you NEED to end it. Hope this was helpful in someway...hoope u the best.

    ~Linda
     
  8. WayfaringStranger

    WayfaringStranger Corporate Slave #34

    alot of guys try this one. fuckin losers. do whats good for you, if he wants to kill himself, then he's the reason, not you. do you really want to be with someone who dosent love thier own life, or at least try too. i would say this relationship is no good for you. and if you donttake my advice im gonna kill myself!
     
  9. ZePpeLinA

    ZePpeLinA Jump around!

    he;s trying to manipulate you by saying he's going to kill himself. I went through a similar experience long time ago, with an older guy too. He said he would shoot his brains out if i ever leave him. I left him, i supposed he's still around.

    what he's doing is really sad, i'd leave him now, if you're not happy, it's not worth sticking around. Anyways, talk to him and be honest about your resaons.
     
  10. mmelody

    mmelody Member

    Gosh..you have to leave him for sure..Threatening to take his own life is manipulative and very very unfair. If you were unsure of what to do in the first place then by him just saying this to you should give you the push you need to end it.

    In my experience (im a psych nurse) people rarely kill themselves when they are threatening to. However somebody who uses an emotional blackmail such as your boyfriend is quite often incredibly insecure and desperate.
    NOBODY should ever try and give you the responsibility of their life, especially not someone who says they love you!

    Im sure he may up the pressure as he realises you are going to leave.
    Make it swift and make it final and avoid contact for a while afterwards.
    You can't help how you feel about somebody, and if you are no longer in love with him then you shouldnt be forced to stay just to make him happy. And to be honest...how could he be truely happy knowing you only stayed because he threatened suicide.
    Im sure this will be a difficult thing to do...ending a relationship is really tough, but it sounds like you already know what you need to do...im sure you will feel a lot of relief and release a few months down the line. Good luck and try and stay strong x
     

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