Dont know to tell my wife I want an open relationship

I love my wife with all my heart. She is my best friend, a fantastic mother, and we do have great sex when we get the chance. My wife is a huge advocate of monogamy and she doesn't find gay or lesbian sex interesting. She doesn't like porn, she is not very adventurous when it comes to sex, and she won't even attempt to try small things that I suggest.
I have been bi for years but I have never really told anyone. I have let 1 guy give me head before and it was amazing. I find myself fantasizing about sharing my wife with other men and bringing other women into our bed. I want to try all kinds of kinks with men and women.
Lately I have been finding myself fantasizing about cheating on her. I don't want to but I don't know how else I can explore my sexuality. I know there is a small chance that if I tell her she will accept it. The fear that she won't is what has me petrified.

 

You are definitely not alone. Most of us have urges for men and/or women. Doesn’t mean you don’t love your wife.

 

Tell her. She has the right to decide what she wants to do.

 

You are probably right.

 

Maybe you should keep your secret, she doesn't sound like someone who would accept your bi side.

 

If this is even true, obviously this will end in disaster.
You want to risk fucking your children's life up so you can have a guy suck your dick? Really?
Talk about selfish. FFS
You say you love her, say she is a great mother for your children... then grow the hell up and be a man who puts his family before his sexual fantasies.
You want to play around and "have some fun"? Well guess what...raising children isn't about fun. They need you more than you need your dick sucked.

 

It is more than just getting my dick sucked. I have had one moment of weakness that I enjoyed but I also regret deeply. I have these desires and I feel like I can't be who I am because of fear. I am conflicted because I love my wife and kids and I don't want to hurt anyone. I always put my kids needs first and that is never going to change. We all have fantasies, at least I am able to admit that about myself.

 

But it doesn’t sound like you’re talking about fantasies. You are actually thinking about cheating on your wife...which would hurt her and your children. Not exactly putting them first.

I don’t think you should hide who you are or what you like. But you shouldn’t have duped your poor wife into marrying you in the first place (I’m assuming you didn’t tell her you were bi). You wronged her by pretending to be someone else. Make it right by being honest with her. Maybe you two can make it work...or maybe not. But she deserves better than to be lied to and cheated on.

 

I know you are right. I have known that for a long time. I just need to muster the courage to tell her. When we got married I was still in denial. I thought these desires would go away but they have only intensified.

 

I would love for that to be the case but I strongly doubt it. She frequently states that she thinks monogamy is the only way to go. She brings it up often. I suppose she may just be saying that to convince herself to believe it. I know I used to do that.

 

Once again.... me..me..me..me
Your a father.
It is quite simple, stop trying to complicate it and only think of yourself.
It is A or B.
A) Man up and raise your kids realizing they need you more than you need to get it on with another man.
B) Fuck your kids over and go fuck some guy so you can fulfill your desires.
There is no C or D.
But don't worry, in our completely screwed up society you will have no problems finding people who will praise you for "being brave" and coming out and accepting who you are and other BS.
Meanwhile your wife will raise your kids alone while you go out and play.

 

It is pretty funny how personally you seem to be taking this. There are many healthy families that have kinky parents. You are obviously very close minded if you think that there are only 2 possible outcomes for my situation. You don't seem to have read my entire post because all you keep mentioning is my desire to be with men when I want to be with women as well.

 

Who cares the sex you want to be with, perhaps you need to read your own posts.
You stated several times your wife is not open to it...that means....wait for it...she is not open to it!
There is no magic beans here.
You are looking for your wife's permission to cheat. You think you are the first?? Not even close.
Reading your posts, she is not going to go for it. You are not going to be able to come up with some magic phrase that she is just going to reverse course of how she views marriage and life - isn't going to happen. By asking/talking what you will accomplish is a great chance you will damage the trust she has for you.

Why me taking personal?
I am tired of seeing child after child after child getting fucked up because their parents, who they didn't choose, places them a distant second to themselves.

 

Im in a similar boat with my bf. He is so anti sex or anything remotely adventurous. Sometimes talking just doesnt work if there not into the things you want to do. Hate to say it and i dont advocate it but you may just have to go looking elsewhere to fulfill that desire of something adventouros

 

You sound like you have some serious abandonment issues. If I had to guess I would bet someone abandoned you at some point making you bitter. Or maybe you are guilty for abandoning someone else?

Just because others abandon their children doesn't mean I will. I have never put my kids second to myself and I never will.

 

The way I understand this is you love your wife deeply and have great sex when you get the chance. She is not very adventurous in the sex area but you are by the admittance of letting one man give you oral sex. That was a one time thing but you want a repeat plus you want to share your wife with others, male and female. Finally you want a kinky sex life. Is that about it?

Ok, first as others have said children are involved. But I take a different stance on this. By reading your "sex when we get the chance" statement I began to think she is covered up with child care. Not only that she is taking care of you as well. Does she work outside the home also? What I'm leading up to is this. Your wife may be worn out at the end of the day or week. She just may not be interested in the effort it takes for love making. Saying that she only wants to be monogamous could be her way of saying she is to tired to even think of anybody else besides you sexually. She'll take care of you when she gets the chance but bringing another into the bedroom? No way. Besides she has to get up in the morning and fix breakfast for the crew. This is just a guess on my part but it seems logical given the information you gave here.

Then you want to share her with other men. Well, you don't own her so it is not your choice. It may be a fantasy of yours but she has the say so in the matter. Next you want to experience another woman or man. I feel you are looking for that one time elation you had receiving oral from a man thus you are calling yourself bi-sexual. Do you wish to have a full on relationship with another man where you are the giver as well? If not you are not bi. You had a orgasm at the hand or mouth of another male and want to know if the second time would be as good as the first. It probably won't be. Again, this is only a guess based on what you have written.

You wanting sex with another woman seems to be due to not getting your fill from your wife. Along with this I am led to believe you watch your share of porn on the internet. Finding all kinds of scenarios it takes you into a fantasy world of threesomes, cuckolding, sharing, BDSM, whips, and chains. All the fantasy you want is right there on the computer screen. It's fantasy, not reality.

Having an open relationship is not an easy thing believe me. It takes a lot of talking, recognition of feelings, honesty, consent, and there are consequences to deal with. What you really need to do is look at the situation from her shoes. Talk with her, not from what you want, but what she wants. Would she like for you to help take care of the kiddies? Do you help around the house? Maybe she could use that. What is it that she is not adventurous sexually? Find out by asking and do not fear rejection. If you approach it from her side her answers to your questions may surprise you. She has fears and feelings that you need to know about. She may be afraid of losing you to another if she allows an open relationship. Lay it out to her. If it turns bad or her answer is not what you want to hear you will have to make a choice. But I'll bet you will find she will be open and honest with you.

 

A lot of what you said resonates with me.

We have a complicated home life. We both split house duties and care for the kids pretty equally. I know she is exhausted most of the time because she works a part time night shift at a hospital. I work 12 hour days 4-6 days a week. We don't see each other much except on the days we have off. She sleeps while the kids are at school.

I don't see myself ever having a relationship in the sense of dating another man. My attraction to other men is purely sexual. I want to be dominated by another man. This is something my wife cannot do. I would be open to pegging or other anal play with her but I am worried that it might scare her off.

I am pretty sure most men want to have a threesome with 2 woman. As far as sharing her with other men it is about how much more pleasure I think she would have with 4 hands caressing her body, 2 mouths sucking and licking her all over, and 2 hard cocks ready to fuck her anyway she wants. I would never force my wife to do anything she doesn't want to do.

You have helped me look at it from another angle. Thank you.

 

From your response here's a suggestion. You have to talk to her about your issues, feelings, and concerns. This is a must. But, and this is a big but, hold those thoughts until the time when you both are refreshed from your long work weeks. Take it from me working the off hours like she does is real hard on your body. Sleeping during the day messes with your body clock big time. Been there , done that, they don't give out tee shirts for it though. Plus the time you both are apart, even though you are living together, is enormous being she works while you sleep and you are putting in such long days at your employment. Neither of you are well equipped mentally to have such a discussion "over coffee" per se on a weekend.

Here's how to do this talk you so badly need between you two. (BTW, she is probably oblivious to your issues or at least how deep they run in your mind.) Find a sitter, grandparent(s), siblings, aunt and/or uncle, cousin, responsible friend, someone who is capable to watch over the children for a weekend. Make it a 4 day date even if you schedule it during the middle of the week. 2 or 3 days and nights will work as well but 4 days is best. Get away from the local area. Go to a resort hotel, the beach, mountains, some place the two of you can be totally by yourselves. No phones, no internet, no interruptions. Just the two of you. Get rested up, explore your lives together, converse without any distractions. After the both of you have had time to be refreshed from the daily grind bring your issues into the conversations slowly. Be sure you look at her side first but let it flow. Make sure she knows how strong your love for her is but how you feel about fulfilling your needs. Don't be petrified at her response if it isn't what you want to hear. Once it is out on the table you will know where she stands. Then take that information, good or bad, and process it for a while. Give yourself a few weeks before deciding your next step. Either way you will be faced with hard choices if you wish to pursue your desires. If you get her approval you will be elated and want to explore right away. If her thoughts are not in concert with yours you will need time to sort all this out. Either way you will need time.

 

We have a getaway weekend planned for our anniversary coming up. I will give this a try then.

 

Nope. Try again.
I was raised well by two parents who stayed married till the end.
I divorced my 1st wife after being married for 27 years, and after both kids finished college. Our marriage was long ago dead, we had not had sex in too many years I care to say. And that was certainly a contributing factor on why I left.
I have since married again, and so much happier than before.
But I raised my kids. Like you, their mother was not the adventurous type...at all. And she would in no way participate in anything with anyone else and would have sued my ass and sued for full custody etc. if I had cheated on her. I stayed. I raised my two kids, a decision I would make again 1000 times.
I sound angry because I deal with kids, and I see the consequences of parents being lousy parents too often. Kids who grow up many times having damn near ruined their chances for a good future because their teen years were so fucked up. It is excruciatingly painful for a child whose parent chose to have sex with someone else over staying with them. A lot of kids adjust out of it, others don't. And you have no idea where your kids will fall.
You are risking losing your marriage, thus losing your children possibly and them having to be tossed around between the two of you - for what?? So you can have play time?
You wife is not into any of this, you said so yourself! More than once.